A case of Baby Brain

Posted by Ben @ February 15th, 2010 9:33 pm. Filed under: Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself,Why Should I Have To Go To Work?,Work Around My Delusions Dammit! — Tags:

by Katrina Chambers

Basically, people who have miscarriages do not get counted as mothers or fathers. This is not fair as we didn’t just lose babies, we lost a future and as we don’t have graves, it would be amazing if our children were remembered.

Because without a grave and a certificate for your miscarried baby you’ll just forget? You’re right – that is amazing.

Comments (0)

Age Ain’t Nutin’ But A Number

Posted by Ben @ November 23rd, 2009 11:11 pm. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Mandatory,Clearly You've Thought This Through,Why Should I Have To Go To Work?,You Know - We Haven't Banned Anything Lately. — Tags:

by Neil Gilroy

Working in retail can be stressful. This can often be caused by the work load itself but can be made worse when selling age restricted items. Many retailers may find it incredibly intimidating to ask for identification from a member of the public who doesn’t look 18 (for alcohol). I believe that by enforcing a “No ID, No sale” for every member of the public rather than a “No ID, No sale [unless you look over 25]” law would result in much fewer illegal sales to underage youngsters and would limit the number of threatening behavior retailers face also.

Furthermore, I would like to ask the Prime Minister to enforce a law that would ban supervisors and managers from over-ruling a customer assistants decision to refuse sale to a member of the public under age restricted circumstances.

I would suggest that if you’re not willing or able to ask for age verification before selling something to someone that perhaps you’re not cut out for a job in retail.

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Holiday! Celebrate!

Posted by Ben @ October 7th, 2009 8:09 pm. Filed under: Is Research The Same Thing As Making Shit Up? Good.,Why Should I Have To Go To Work?,Work Around My Delusions Dammit! — Tags:

by Michelle Layden of Paganism

Paganism is the oldest religion known to man older than Christianity but people and work places still refuse to recognize our religion and holidays. We have the right to celebrate the eight festival days or Paganism and Wicca.

You have two options, here: You can book the time off as holiday, which a lot of people of a lot of other religions do anyway, or you can do what my Pagan parents have done (and what they continue to do) and celebrate it at the nearest weekend. In my entire life I think we’ve had maybe one or two Yules that actually fell on December 21st.

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Sunday Bloody Sunday II: The Passion of the Chris

Posted by Ben @ September 29th, 2009 6:28 pm. Filed under: I'm Religious So You Have To Do Everything I Say,There's Already A Solution But Don't Let That Stop You From Bothering The PM,What Would Idiot-Jesus Do?,Why Should I Have To Go To Work?,Work Around My Delusions Dammit! — Tags:

by Christopher Childs

The current legislation does not protect christians from working sundays, we wish this to be changed.

There’s already a solution to this – just don’t work Sundays. And if you get fired from your job then, well, one could argue that’s your fault for believing that a Magical Space Wizard has given you a whole day to do bugger-all in.

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I Deserve Free Money Because I Go To Work

Posted by Ben @ September 21st, 2009 11:32 pm. Filed under: I Deserve Free Money!,Why Should I Have To Go To Work? — Tags:

by Clare Walker

I propose that the government starts treating hard working citizens of this country with more respect and giving them better benefits. It is not right that in this day and age you are better off on benefits than out working. I work full time only to be taxed and for my taxes to go and pay people who choose not to work. I am not against people getting benefits who cant work for whatever reason but there are too many families on benefits whose lives are made to easy for them by this government by providing them with grants, free products etc where people who are working are basically thrown to the wayside as we just seem to be a means of extra income for our government

And this petition was, of course, rejected for not actually requesting any action. Oh wait, no, sorry. My mistake. It was approved. What…?

Comments (3)

All You Need Is Cash

Posted by Ben @ September 21st, 2009 11:07 pm. Filed under: Don't Worry About What THEY Want,I Am A Brain!,I Deserve Free Money!,I'm Keeping The Whole Class Back,Why Should I Have To Go To Work?,Young, Dumb, And Online — Tags:

by Miss Jade Wilcox

I feel everyone should get EMA, as we are all in education and trying to make something of our lives and we need money to supply things such as travel fayres and coursebooks. I do not think it’s fair also that those on jobseekers allowance that are not getting out there and actually searching for jobs are earning around £100 every two weeks which is what i earn in 5 (I am on £20 a week EMA). I feel EMA should be increased to the same amount as job seekers over the two weeks and everyone in full time education should receive this and not at subsidised amounts depending on what parents earn. It’s not parents that go to college is it? It’s us young people who need to buy our own equipment and travel fayres. I just feel that people when they actually get jobseekers allowance spend it on alcohol and not things which they actually need anyway and taxpayers such as my parents are benefitting their drinking fund with money that could go on my education. I do hope you take note of this petition as young people never really get a say and the chance to show how they feel.

Congratulations for completely failing to understand how EMA works, what it’s for, and what you as a young person should be expecting from the government. I’m trying to work out whether you should spend more time in College or whether it’s simply a waste of time for you.

Comments (0)

I’m Religious So You Have To Do Everything I Say

Posted by Ben @ July 1st, 2009 5:18 pm. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Mandatory,Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me,Why Should I Have To Go To Work? — Tags:

by Dr Chris Lavers

The United Kingdom claims to protect freedom of religion and freedom of conscience, but this is increasingly being put to the test by various legislation introduced and proposed, including Equality and Diversity legislation, and a proposed Coroners and Justice Bill. Recent cases such as Reigstrar Lillian Ladele, to conduct Civil Partnership Ceremonies (CPCs) and Deputy Registrar Ms Davies in Islington, dropped from her post as Deputy Registrar to receptionist for refusing to work in a way which violated her conscience as a Christian, are in danger of becoming the norm. When orthodox religious opinion on sexual orientation at work and various other ethics, are no longer tolerated by the State in the public and private life of its citizens, and a government fails to see the point of a free speech clause in Bills currently before Parliament that would protect those who hold such views, all citizens everywhere should be alarmed. Everyone who cares about true freedom and open democracy, one with a diversity of opinions in society should be extremely concerned by the way our society is being led without public concensus.

If you refuse to do the job you’re being paid for, you’re going to get sacked. C’mon, Chris. You’re a fucking doctor. I expected more from you.

Comments (1)

I Fought The Law, and The Law Failed to Turn Up and Therefore Lost by Default

Posted by Ben @ June 17th, 2009 11:54 pm. Filed under: It's Just A Little Request...,Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself,Really REALLY Bad Ideas,Unreasonable Demands,Unworkable Ideas,Why Should I Have To Go To Work? — Tags:

by Andrew Belfield

I think that jury service should be offered to people, but they should have the option of opting out. I am surprised that the state has such mediaeval powers, i would have thought that the human rights act would have nullified such a power.

…And then cases get postponed, delayed or thrown out because no bugger wants to sit on the Jury. Classy.

Comments (0)

Won’t Someone Please Think Of The Surplus Children?

Posted by Andrew @ May 30th, 2009 11:55 am. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Free,Can't someone else pay the VAT?,I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right?,Why Should I Have To Go To Work?,Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?

by Mr Dan Ross

It is absurd that upon the birth of a fourth child, myself and my partner’s housing benefit dropped due to the increased Child Tax Credits. I work a 44 hour week and all that has happened, rather than receive increased help with the new addition to the family, is that the increase in Tax Credits has been negated by the decrease in Housing Benefit, meaning our net household wealth has stayed the same, with a further mouth to feed. Child Tax Credits should be exempt from being counted as income for the purposes of Housing Benefit etc.

Stop having children you can’t fucking support, then.

by Mr Ian Kings

Currently VAT on children’s clothing is charged for ages 14+. If like us you have a child who has always been off the growth chart since birth and is currently age 10, but having to wear men’s clothing and shoes, then you too will be having to pay VAT on clothing for a child.
As a general rule our children are becoming larger/taller than before and this current guideline is outdated.
It would be comforting to know that our Government took the age of childhood seriously and decided that a child is a child whilst being dependent upon its parents (and that children’s clothes are still not luxury items).

I sort of vaguely wonder if, at any point during typing the title of this petition, Mr Kings noticed the glaring logical hole in his idea.

Bonus Material:

Comments (2)

To the UNREALISTIC-MOBILE!

Posted by Ben @ May 13th, 2009 6:49 pm. Filed under: I Am A Brain!,I Deserve Free Money Because Of The Credit Crunch,I'm Keeping The Whole Class Back,Really REALLY Bad Ideas,That'd Be Nice,There Their In They're House,There's No Time For Thinking!,Unreasonable Demands,Unworkable Ideas,We're British, Dammit!,Why Should I Have To Go To Work? — Tags:

by Mr Ian Longstaff

Please find below my suggestion for fixing Britain’s economy. Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 20 million people over 50 in the work force. – Pay them £1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings – Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new British CAR. Twenty million cars ordered – Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage – Housing Crisis fixed.

4) They must send their kids to school / college /university – Crime rate fixed

5) Buy £50 of alcohol / tobacco a week there’s your money back in duty / tax etc

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back there falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

Ignoring the crushing financial blow of the Government giving away £20,000,000,000,000, let’s address each point individually:

  1. Workforce shortage, plus a potential shortage of people who may be qualified to perform the tasks previously performed by the over-50s – British companies come grinding to a halt.
  2. There aren’t 20 million cars currently in existence. They would have to be manufactured first. 20 million cars cannot be pulled out of thin air, especially when there are precious few car factories within the UK. In order to meet the quota, current factories have to divert all attention to the new cars. Sales of other cars are crippled because demand cannot meet supply. – Auto industry even more screwed.
  3. Not everyone who owns a house is over 50 years old. – Housing Crisis only patched temporarily.
  4. It is naive to think that just giving kids an education will “fix” the Crime Rate. I went to school with plenty of people who have become criminals of varying degrees. – Crime Rate remains unchanged.
  5. People over 50 wind up becoming dependent on alcohol and tobacco, costing the NHS even more money when they inevitably die, become seriously ill, or try to overcome their addiction.
Honestly, this is probably the single worst idea I have ever seen anyone petition the Prime Minister with. It’s a disaster across the board.

Comments (2)

I Got A Bit Frustrated Writing The End Of This One

Posted by Ben @ March 3rd, 2009 10:32 pm. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Free,Don't Worry About What THEY Want,I Am A Brain!,I Deserve Free Money Because Of The Credit Crunch,It Says So In The Daily Mail,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,That'd Be Nice,Unreasonable Demands,Unworkable Ideas,We Don't Take Kindly To Your Type Rahnd These Pahts,We Petition The PM To Climb This Wall Of Text,What A Dick,What Would Idiot-Jesus Do?,Why Should I Have To Go To Work?,spelin an grammer — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

by Stephen Biggs

For example if you get 8 years you do 8 years not 4 eyars on good behavour BUT you can do 4 years on good behaviour if you join the army on special conditions fight for our country.

Haven’t we already shot this idea down? Twice? It’s getting to the point where I think these petitions need their own category.

by Alan J Smith

How can we improve both ourselves and our country when we get an education from university but end up with a huge debt. Its worse for the mature student who has no hope in getting a job but goes back to university to get a degree therefore making thmselves more employable. Teenagers dont stand a chance in life because all they will have is a degree and a load of debt.

This is a reasonable and achievable idea. Ooh, is someone serving pork? I’ll have a wing, please.

by John Monney

I have discovered that approx 4% of my council tax bill goes towards paying for council employees pension funds.

As a pensioner struggling to live on a state pension, I believe this is totally unnacceptable

Right. Because 4% is a really big number, and as we all know council employees are already dead anyway so they’ll never need to claim their pensions. The URL is hilarious – this is a tax scandal? Really? Really?

by Zenita

Not many people have a large deposit or if any deposit to put towards a house, i think you will have many prople not being able to buy there own home which in this day and age is wrong, eveyone should have the right to have there own home keeping 100% morgages helps so many people get on the property ladder and without them many many poeple will suffer!!

Sigh. That was a nice global economy we had, once…

I’m not sure what Gordon Reid is asking for here. I’m sure I could sit down and read it, but because he’s decided to post the entire ruddy petition in the title and leave the “More details” field empty I’m stuck staring as a wall of text that makes my eyes hurt when I try to read it. More alarmingly, this is becoming a regular trend on the ePetition site, too – right up there with petitioning the Prime Minister to Your Name Here.

by Craig Strachan

In the current financial climate we believe that the banks should be forced to stop charging customers for going overdrawn and missing direct debit payments. The fact that public funds are being used to keep the banks going should allow the government to stop such charges. This will help the thousands of people who are now struggling to make ends meet and stop people from being unfairly punished.

I would say that if you’re committing to payments you can’t actually afford to make then it’s not an unfair punishment. Alright, yes, bank charges in the UK are rather ridiculous, but saying “Hey, y’know, we’re not going to charge you bank fees anymore, because of The Economy” is hardly going to help matters.

by Edward Manning

Who thinks that some fruit such as are too expensive and it should go down?

Why do you think the price of fruit is increasing? Is it because of foreigners? Homosexuals? The global economy collapsing at the end of last year? Terrorists? We may never know.

by Marc Burton

Shrove Tuesday and Guy Fawkes Night are to one and all the highlights of the Gregorian calendar. On no other night do the British public come together in such jovial harmony. Therefore we believe it is only right that these occasions gain the respect they deserve and are each awarded a day of national holiday to mark the passing of two truly British events.

No.

by Alan Reginald Derek Laming Tizzard of National Service Veterans Alliance

Central and Local Government forms associated with Equal Opportunity Monitoring require the applicant to indicate their ethnic origin with numerous choices with the exception of ‘White English’, as the basic form is printed in English and approved by the English Parliament in England will Government ensure that ‘White English’ as a category is included on all future forms in the interest of Equal Opportunity Monitoring?

No.

by Neil Aldus

I would like to ask the prime minister to abolish parking fees on meterd parking places everywhere in the UK. This would encourage people to come back to the city centres and begin shopping again. Parking fees for short trips into town centres only serve to discourage shoppers bothering at all. This would have a greater effect on kickstarting consumer spending than the 2.5% reduction in the VAT rate at a much lower cost. Most shoppers hate paying for parking. Allow everyone a maximum of 2hours with the same fines for exceeding the time limit. This would have the effect of increasing the “turnover” of shoppers and thereby increase consumer spending and perhaps add a little to the “kickstart” that the economy so badly needs. Sometimes it’s the little changes that make the big difference and so often go overlooked.

No.

by James Brewster

Jade Goody’s battle has caused a 20% increase in cancer screening. Clearly the NHS is not getting through to women, so Jade’s Law would require NHS surgeries to telephone all women in their practice to explain the importantance of being screened.

Oh yeah? Well Kylie Minogue’s Breast Cancer diagnosis several years ago prompted an increase in cancer screenings in the UK and in Australia. If anything, Kylie deserves her own law. Also: advertisements on TV, radio, and in magazines would be far more effective than calling everyone. I’ve worked in call centres. No one likes to be bothered, even if it’s something important.

by James Higgs

We the undersigned request the Prime Minister to repeal the Trinitarian Act of 1812. Thank you.

The Trinitarian Act of 1812, for those of you who don’t know, was passed to legalize the practice of Islam in the UK. What James Higgs is effectively asking for, her, is to ban Islamic practice in the UK. James Higgs has basically found a cleverly worded way around the ePetiton site admins’ strict (heh) screening process. He’s also a walrus dick.

by Janice Breeze

Soon a film called Corpus Christi will be shown in America. Christians do not want it shown here as it represents Jesus and his desciples as homosexuals. This is blasphemy. The Bible states clearly that homosexuality is an abomination. Please do not reject this. Muslims have had a play removed from the stage because it upset them. atheists have blasphemy about there not being a God plastered on buses. Remember we are still a “Christitan” country. please listen to its citizens. thank you

Y’see, the beauty of Free Speech is that, in this country, you can show a film about pretty much anything. The downside of Free Speech is that we have to put up with mindless fucktards like Janice Breeze.

by ed daniels

petition to cancel all personal mortgage/secured debt in the U.K. every 50 years Reasons: 1st To remove the fear of homelessness. 2nd Stop asset values falling by forcing a bottom in the market.3rd Bring buyers to the market as owners are free to drop prices. 4th Create a spending boom, no mortgage = more cash to spend. 5th Investors can be reassured by promising an on going cycle of debt cancellation every 50 years and banks would be able to lend on that basis creating a stable market. 6th the current crisis offers an ideal opportunity for the government to show leadership which would help both the people (popular) and the financial markets by offering an opportunity to create a true asset value assessment in which to invest.

Every fifty years? Woohoo! Time to re-mortgage in 2059!

by G Wilson

by creating a box on all election ballot papers allowing a vote for “non of the above” would allow a true voice of the people to be shown. giving all parties the opportunity to re address the parts of their manifesto that the true majority of the country disagree with rather than as is at the moment where the people of the country HAVE to vote for the best of a bad bunch(so not to “WASTE”their vote) or not vote at all. if the majority vote should end up to be “none of the above” there should be an interim period of an equal hung parliament for an agreed period of time to enable all parties to change their policies to reflect the voice of a true majority.

Or, alternatively, you could just not vote. That way you don’t even have to get up or anything.

by Ben W Boagey

Britain’s history and culture is fantastic and unique. Much like the majority of people detest the Euro as a possible currency for Britain, the British pound is a fantastic part of our sovereignty and of our history and culture. We used to have such a fascinating and historic currency that was ditched for a decimal system (which is, in all fairness, much more practical). I suggest that we return Britain to the wonderfully nostalgic and unique system of half-pennies, farthings, sixpence and shillings. It would be more difficult to grasp, but oh so much more fun and interesting. Plus, oh so very cool.

You are an honest-to-goodness moron.

by Rose-Mary Gower

However good a Prime Minister is when they take office, the longer they stay in the post the more likely it is that power goes to their heads!

A fucking terrible idea – on the off-chance someone who’s good at the job comes into power, the most you’ll ever have them is for those two terms. Then some brainless moron will step in instead.

Comments (3)

Can you imagine a world in which all these were enacted?

Posted by Andrew @ January 24th, 2009 12:15 pm. Filed under: Couldn't If He Wanted To,Not Government Business,Oh Yeah? Let's See You Write A Better Petition!,Really REALLY Bad Ideas,Rejected Petitions,There's Already A Solution But Don't Let That Stop You From Bothering The PM,We're British, Dammit!,Why Should I Have To Go To Work?

by A.P.Bonnington of home

Many people don’t work but get their rents and council tax paid plus receive other benefits. I want all unemployed people to get income support plus a housing allowance of fifty pounds per week if they don’t live in rented accomodation but have a mortgage. Rent money paid to the unemployed at the moment pays off the landlords mortgage and this should be capped at a fair level to encourage work. I live in a leasehold flat and get no help with service charges in times of unemployement – the housing allowance would help pay these charges and stop me from facing court action.

Yes, but the benefits paid the the unemployed also fund Tesco, and they’re rich. Why not complain about that? And why not complain that the unemployed get benefits while the workers are expected to manage without? I don’t understand how people can so fundamentally miss the point of benefits. To each according to his needs, I thought it was.

by Edward Campbell

Given the condition of the roads, not all the taxes collected for the purpose of road repairs, “Road Tax” is being used. Every driver knows when they almost wreck their suspension on a daily bases they are overpaying for the upkeep off the roads. It is shameful the UK Government are taxing motorist to such an extent while funding private company’s bad securities.

No, what you want is “Fix The Roads”. There is no actual connection with ‘road tax’ and ‘tax money which is spent on roads’, and nor should there be. Frankly, you should worry about any tax named after what it’s spent on rather than where it comes from. I agree that it’s not really on for the government to tax motorists so much when the roads are as rubbish as they are, but you can’t expect all tax revenue from cars to be spent on making it easier to drive around: that would fly in the face of the government’s stated ‘green’ policy and what they’d do with all that tax they collect from smokers I have no idea. A much better idea would be this petition which was posted about the same time.

by Louis McLean

Under the current system, a litre of petrol has levels of duty placed on it and then VAT is applied like any other good. This means that in effect people are paying tax on tax. This is unjust and unfair. Instead the duty should be applied after the VAT is applied to the undutied petrol. This should reduce the price of petrol by quite a lot.

No, this is massively irrelevant. Fuel duty is controlled by the need for taxation and the desire to deter people from using it without good reason. The price and total income are factors, not the actual percentage or pounds-per-litre value of the duty. If they stopped adding VAT to duty, they’d just increase the duty by 17.5% and you’d have to pay more for the rest of the year.

by Ashanti (rejected)

Action needs to be taken against Mr Stringer for his outrageous claim that dyslexia doesn’t exist.

Mr Stringer describes dyslexia as a "cruel fiction" that should be consigned to the "dustbin of history". He believes the reason many children cannot read and write properly is that the wrong teaching methods are used.

Unfortunately, if he researched dyslexia he would have found out that it is a lot more then just "not being able to read or write" You can be the most intelligent person in the world, but with dyslexia you just need a supporting hand to help you organise muddled thinking, something which is most definitely not due to “bad teaching”

How on earth can he state that dyslexia doesn’t exist when he is used to interpreting things one way, used to seeing things one way?

An open letter to the people of Blackley,

As you may know, at the last election you voted for Graham Stringer to be your representative in Parliament. Unfortunately, I must tell you that he recently wrote a column in which he made some factually inaccurate claims about dyslexia. I am therefore sorry to inform you that as of Monday he will be sacked from his role in government and you will have no voice. Please make a better choice next time.

Yours forever,
Gordon x

PS. There is no way this system could be abused so please don’t take this the wrong way.

by Dream Rose (rejected)

Tasha is awesome, she needs to be a moderator.

Gordon Brown is not the boss of the Internet.

GORDON BROWN IS NOT THE BOSS OF THE INTERNET!

by James Hobbs of Media UK (rejected)

Marketing folk seem determined to ruin classic confectionary / chocolates by renaming them to ostensibly make them more easy to understand. Or something. It defies logic. It’s stupid. Please stop this.

‘The noisette triangle’ is now ‘the green one’. Why isn’t the new Audi R8 called ‘the fast one’? Why isn’t an old English sheepdog called ‘the fluffy one’?

It’s stupid, that’s why. Bring back the old names.

And don’t even get me started on Cadbury removing crunchies from Heroes. That’s offensive.

I hate myself for agreeing with every word of that.

by Nicholas Kingsley (rejected)

Now that mop-head Jeremy Clarkson has been seen assulting Ian Hislop on Have I Got News For You, with a deadly weapon (namely a pen), isn’t it about time that these obviously dangerous writing implements were banned.

This was rejected because “It was intended to be humorous, or have no point about government policy”. I think I know which.

You should move to Zimbabwe. You can’t buy a bottle of coke for less than Z$1 billion there.

by lee setters

I petition the prime minister to ban the building of skyscrapers in London.
London is packed full of beautiful pieces of traditional grand British architecture and to ruin that with building a tall glass box I think is wrong and not supporting the traditional heritage of our great country.
When people want to see skyscrapers they go to New York or Chicago when people want to see grand pieces of traditional European architecture on the grandest scales they come to London or go to Paris.
I understand that they are needed for the financial sector but are they?
London still manages to be one of the biggest financial centres in the world with a relatively low skyline that provides us with a beautiful view of our ancient historic capital city.

Some kind of system of planning permission might be in order, then?

Comments (2)

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