Isaac Newton is hailed as a genius principally for thinking to connect things like planets and falling which nobody else has thought to connect before. The petitioners believe they have this gift also. They do not. Not content with abolishing MPs expenses altogether…
by M Elseand if they have more than £66,600.00 in money, savings or assets then they must foot all of their own security bill and stop making the hard working British people pay. (any property owned by the past PM should be sold off publicly to the highest bidder to help pay the bill)
…they want the PM to pay for his own security. Because, you know, keeping the Prime Minister alive doesn’t help the country at all.
This is quite possibly the greatest misunderstanding of how MPs are paid I’ve ever seen in my life:
by Mr Robert PhilpMP’s to have a wage just like everyone else. No second home and all expenses to be audited by independent auditors and a committee made up of members of the public
Blimey, it’s cold! How cold is it? It’s so cold my family has been gathering around the freezer for warmth? Ba-dum-bum! I got a million of ‘em! Y’know what else I’ve got a million of? Petitions relating to the cold weather in some capacity. Won’t you read them with me? Because I’ll be damned if I’m going to read them on my own!
by Mr Michael RootsWe, the undersigned, wish the Government to implement as policy for teachers to report to their nearest school when the weather is snowy if they are unable to reach their usual place of work. Thus enabling more schools to remain open and consequently having less detrimental effect on the education of children by having fewer school closures
Ever stop to think that maybe the reason the schools are closed is not because the teachers can’t get to work, but because it’d be unsafe for the pupils to venture out into the weather to get there? No? Thought not.
by miss kelly johnsona lot of people are being penolised this winter for coming under weather stations that have not had a trigger of cold weather when in fact people that live miles away and come under it have seen temperatures fall below freezing surely this needs to be looked after or even give us all another one off payment like last jan to ensure we can put our heating on its not just elderley that suffer in winter it is sick and young children too and they dont recieve any extra winter fuel payments
And what exactly constitutes as “actual city temperatures”? Because I don’t think “my Nan’s thermometer says it’s below freezing” really counts.
by Malcolm SaggersDue to the lack of salt stocks in most areas central government seems to feel that they should now dictate who gets further stocks and has asked local councils to start rationing to maintain their stocks, do you think it right that central government should be telling local councils how to deal with icy roads/pavements in their local area? Surely central governments job is to ensure all local councils have what they need to deal with the current conditions without jumping in to ration salt stocks to areas who are obviously in need of essential gritting materials and equipment. Rationing does not solve the problems most councils are experiencing but could make it worse.
It sounds like you’re instead in favour of the Government keeping the supplies, and then when the cold weather snaps into place they simply transport the salt stocks to… uh… oh, I’ve spotted a potential hole in your plan.
by William CarverBritain is seizing up with the cold and many pavements and roads are iced up. We cannot expect local authorities to clear all this for us especially when grit is short. On the continent of Europe citizens clear pavements and roads of snow outside their houses and this makes walking and driving safer. It also prevents snow and ice build-up. We need reminding of this responsibility by government so we can get the country moving again and make it safer for pedestrians and road users.
“Hi, British public! It’s me! Gordon! I’ve got an idea for you all – why don’t you stand out in the middle of the road shoveling snow? Yes, I said the middle of the road. No, I don’t see any… oh, right. Yeah. Spotted it now. Thanks.”
by Councillor Richard DoddIn view of the recent adverse weather affecting the whole of the United Kingdom, permanent 4 wheel drive vehicles, such as Land Rovers, have proved invaluable to the community, in getting the elderly to hospital, taking rubbish collections to local refuse sites, rescuing ambulances on emergency calls and other motorists who have become stranded. It seems very unfair that these vehicles pay the highest in road fund licence when they are used to such a beneficial effect for the whole country. They have saved lives. In view of this, rather than being penalised, the owners of these vehicles should be rewarded for keeping the country going rather than being castigated as ‘Chelsea Tractors’, which vehicles such as Land Rovers are not, but essential tools, especially if you reside in rural areas.
This is, of course, ignoring the fact that the sort of tyres you need to be able to properly use a 4×4 in the UK are… banned from sale in the UK! So maybe you should write a petition about that first.
by Robin CarvellThis petition is an effort to block the nationwide implementation of full body scanners that represent a total violation of privacy, a health risk, and tyranny. Forcing people to pose for naked photos is a crime. If the government does this it will be a criminal government. If the body scanners are allowed to be implemented travelers will be forced to do worse things under the threat of being treated as a terrorist if they refuse the violation of their dignity and freedom. Professors of Molecular and Cell Biology maintain that there is no safe dose of ionizing radiation. In addition to these issues, full body scanners would not even have stopped the Christmas Day bomber from boarding Flight 253, according to a British MP who helped design the machines. “I must advise the Prime Minister – and the British public – that the scanners are not a “silver bullet,” said Ben Wallace, who worked on the scanners at defense research organization QinetiQ. “You would be mistaken to think that they would counter the new threat.”
There are a number of good reasons to be against the Body Scanners being installed at airports – and one or two of them even make it into this petition – but it amuses me that Robin seems to believe that airport passengers will have to “pose for naked photos”, as though this were a nude photo shoot of some sort.
Some dogs are dangerous! Therefore all dogs are dangerous! What does the government intend to do about it? Well, these guys have a few ideas…
by Roxanne CoghillIn the current climate of media a lot of hype is put on dangerous dogs and the dangerous dogs act but not enough light is shed on the owners and lack of training for these animals. Many dogs are loving and friendly but lack of training can lead the friendliest of dogs to behave badly and even end up themselves, other dogs or humans.
Compulsory training for all new dog owners would leave the owner with the confidence to control and look after their pet and the the dog with the ability to socially interact with other humans and dogs, decreasing attacks on adults and children within UK homes.
Yes. Three months seems reasonable. And while we’re at it…
by Mr Richard BarberIn light of recent dog attacks, it is time to re-introduce a license for the ownership of a dog.
This would require an owner to attend compulsory ownership classes and submit their property to inspection as a suitable premises for the dog.
The dog license would be for a single animal and would require additional licensing should the pet lover wish to own further dogs.
And obviously the dog would need checking up after 50,000 miles or two years, whichever comes first.
But hold on, maybe we’re looking at this the wrong way.
by Lewis Warrington of Chelmsford Collegebelieve that to many dogs are being given a bad reputation because of the attacks occurring, when in fact it is the owners of the dogs who should take the punishment.
Yes! Every dog owner everywhere, forever! They should all be lashed! Beaten! Fined, and so forth! What were we talking about again?
by keith jones of taxpaying pensioner without political affiliationThese companies are holding us to ransom. The people of this country would rather walk and freeze to death than enrich the people who are holding us to ransom. Let the people vote and tell these people to go to hell.
Actually Keith, I’d rather not freeze to death if that’s all the same to you.
by Antony CurranI would like the government to produce an advert similar to the one currently shown on TV aimed at benefit cheats but aim it at the millionaire and billionaire corporate sector informing them of the consequences of using offshore tax havens to avoid and evade tax and tell them they are being watched and will be caught. The advert should also portray the message that their actions are morally reprehensible and unwelcome in decent society.
Rich people don’t watch TV. They’re far too busy drinking wine and seeing operas and going windsurfing for that kind of thing.
I’m sharing this one for a number of reasons, which will hopefully become painfully apparent once you’ve read it.
by Jacki GoodallI am petitioning on behalf of that poor woman who had her children removed right down to her newborn. What a lot of heartless scum social services are. They need to look after children that are really suffering the way little baby P did. what is the issue with the social services their brains in their arses? What’s wrong? The poor fat lady too happy for them? Will they now remove every kid who happens to be fat, whether the family is happy loved and cared for? All overweight parents in the UK are now going to panic and go on drastic crash diets. in case the same fate happens to them. There are cases of parents who really harm and neglect their kids that are swept under the carpet. like baby Peter and then we will get “Oh dear we’re sorry it wont happen again” Bullshit it will, They allow abused kids to go back 4 more abuse then slam a poor family who happens to be fat what next? Give the lady her babies back. What social services have done is dam cruel. I would like people to sign this petition for parliament, and hopefully force the people who call themselves God to give the poor lady a break and give her children back. I am totally disgusted! Great Britain? There is no Great Britain or a United Kingdom.
Let’s just analyse it for a minute…
Frankly, I am surprised this petition got approved. I’ve seen far less insane rants get rejected, and this one even includes abusive language which is usually an automatic rejection. What’s going on, Number 10?
by Joshua Rooney (rejected)If our MPs are supposed to represent us, then they should live like us. No more expenses, a wage similar to that of most constituants and one council owned property as family home. As well as that, they should be forced to use public transport to travel to work.
“I’ve got this plan to fix the country”
“Okay, let’s hear it”
“Right, well first off, instead of educated, intelligent MPs who could find high-paying jobs in the private sector, we should only have chavvy no-hopers who are willing to settle for dismal homes and low pay.”
“Well, I’ll be honest, that sounds like a disaster. How will you stop them ruining the country with their inept decisions?”
“Ah, you see, I’m going to take away their second homes and travel expenses, so they won’t be able to afford to go to Parliament and vote on things.”
“Oh I see.”
To nail these monsters to A wooden cross until death then removed and burnt.
People just seem to lose all sense of self-restraint where paedophiles are concerned. Oh well. At least he spelt “paedophile” correctly.
The barbarous nature of Britain’s public becomes fully apparent when you look at this petition which, in a break from our usual source, is currently up on Facebook’s “Causes” application.
Stop the evil bastards getting a new identity when they leave jail they should suffer just like baby peter did!
Positions
1. Muderers!!!
2. Sick!!
Categories
Human Services, Public Safety Disaster Preparedness and Relief
Description
This is a petition to stop evil steven barker and tracey connelly from getting new identity’s when they leave prison. They should suffer just like poor baby peter did.
I honestly don’t understand how peoples’ brains work most of the time. What do they think this new identity is for exactly? Do they think it’s a reward? A prize of some kind for their horrid crime? There’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that what they did to their child was horrific but what the public would do to them is even worse. They’re being given new identities to protect them from the sort of people who post comments like this:
Lets hope the lot of them don’t come out alive. Lets hope they get tortured to death – scum. We shouldn’t even waste tax payers money on them. Instead of testing on animals – lets use these type of people instead – at least it will be a little justice if nothing else.
Anita Fosssend em to texas and let have a leathal injection sick cunts what they did was just sooooooooooooo soooooooooooo wrong makes u think how they were brought up sick sick sick sick cruel arseholes they deserve to die cos when they come out they will do it again if i see em i will kill them myselfffffffffffff
Katie Betambeau
But perhaps my favourite comment on this petition is this one, which is a real spEak You’re bRanes worthy comment if I’ve ever seen one:
As everybody knows this government is a load of codswollop.. troublesome youths who vandalise things get let off..no one will learn,this is just a small problem that we, as a society face. This prime example of Baby Peter is truely horrifying, the more Judges we have which are leinient will mean more criminals get let off with only a slap on the wrist. Government needs to STOP giving out our taxpayers money to illegal immigrants and to put money back inot funding facilities for severe punishments- as logn as people know they will get away with these such things it will get worse.
Gordon brown and every other primeminister we have had are total twatfaces..surely one of them atleast ONE OF THEM should have realised what this country is becoming..
A LIFE FOR A LIFE, The murderers should be beaten to death by member of public like the “Olden Days”, people would think twice about commiting a crime!
The evil, lowlife bastards!
Stuart Bizley
Aren’t people great?
Sigh. Hello again, Keith.
The number of people who have been left penniless because of government policy over the last 12 years means that many who wish to put themselves forward to challenge the corrupt Members of Parliament currently occupying seats in the House of Commons simply cannot afford to do so. There have been many utterances by socialist politicians about ‘lowering the bar’ so that more people can aspire to be MPs (some even argue that is why they were given tax free allowances and unrestricted access to taxpayer pounds in the form of ‘expenses’ in the first place) but the deposit – and the possibility of losing it – continues to put many people off. Removing the deposit is the only way that corrupt elected representatives being replaced by honest elected representatives is going to be achieved in this country.
Because, AS ANY FULE KNO, the only man that can be trusted is a man with no money whatsoever.
We have, of late, waded through a huge number of petitions that just say ’sack the MPs who claimed expenses’ or whatever, as if this is somehow reasonable or legal. This one takes it one step further, essentially demanding all the others be fired as well if the public reckon so.
Gordon Brown won’t bow to public and peer pressure to get rid of Gorbals Mick so he is not likely to do anything which endangers his own continued access to huge amounts of taxpayer pounds. However, the people are not happy and they must be given an opportunity – through a national legally binding referendum (conducted within the next 7 days) to ask them if they want HM The Queen to intervene and remove everybody from the chamber and get them to re-apply for their jobs.
What I don’t understand is, how is this idea different from Calling An Election?
There’s only one possible way to come up with a dumber solution to the expenses scandal, and I think Mr A Cliff has stumbled upon it:
we dont need any mp gordon brown and the queen can run this country thats what there being paid to do then there wouldnt be any more of anyone spending the tax payers cash for lavish life style,if he cannot do this then its time he shipped out and let the queen run the country
Bonus marks, though, for picking a URL that reads like the title of a Neil Gaiman short-story compilation.
Section 28 was an amendment to the United Kingdom’s Local Government Act 1986 which stated that a local authority “shall not intentionally promote homosexuality or publish material with the intention of promoting homosexuality” or “promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship”. We ask for it to be reinstated. Our children should not be told it is normal, acceptable and equal to be homosexual.
That last sentence right there? That’s you being a Homophobe. Just have a Time Machine, a coathanger, and the date and location of your conception.
Pupils as young as five were left ‘confused and worried’ after a school assembly to explain homosexuality.
Parents said the experience left some pupils afraid to cuddle each other in the playground in case other children thought they were gay.
They complained they were not consulted over the content of the assembly.
When parents complained to the headmaster, they were treated as ‘homophobic’ for even raising the issue.
The assembly, given to pupils aged from five to 11 at Bromstone Primary in Broadstairs, Kent, aimed to ’steer them away from homophobic bullying’.
It also covered bullying on the grounds of race, language and weight. Gemma Martin, 28, whose children attend the school, said, ‘Little girls often cuddle each other if one of them is crying or has fallen over. Now they are afraid to do that in case the others think they are gay’.
Headmaster Nigel Utton said the 30-minute assembly contained only a small section on homosexuality which was appropriate for the age of the children.
I think anyone who reads this would, and should, be disturbed that schools are even attempting this without consenting the parents first.
Well you are a Homophobe, Mr Simcox. You’re assuming that teaching kids that it’s okay to be gay means teaching them about raunchy butt sex, which is a fairly harmful and, yep, Homophobic assumption to go ahead and make.
These lovely people hold the opinion that everybody in the UK has the right to be heard, so they’d better use it OR ELSE!
All people must have the right to live a life free from hurt and harm. We must be allowed to live our lives as we wish, doing no direct harm to others, without interference from or by any employee of the state. All employees of the people, be they State, central or local must be subject to a penalty, more severe than that for a citizen, for abusing powers promolgated or delegated by law.
The latest 28% voter turnout in the English and European elections is disgraceful. How can 28% determine how the whole electorate wants to be governed.
There are a lot of people who seem to think that Joanna Lumley, who is perhaps most famous for playing an alcoholic fashion magazine editor for however many years, should be the Prime Minister. Or, at least, receive an honour of some sort for her work with Ghurkkas. Or something. Behold!
Based on her untiring work to defend the noble Ghurkkas, Joanna Lumley should be offered a seat in the House of Lords. She is a true defender of the people.
Joanna Lumley is doing a much better job interpreting public opinion than Gordon Brown or any other member of his administration
Joanna Lumley – talks sense, believes in this country and has a passionate sense of what is right and what is wrong. This is far more important than any other skill required of a politician, and sadly seems to be lacking in the current government and other would-be governments.
Please make Joanna Lumley the actress a Dame in the New Years Honours List to show recognition for her tireless support for the Gurkhas.
Dear Prime Minister,
We the undersigned haven’t heard about the European Union’s ruling that the UK should rid itself of its DNA database. This is because our primary source of information is probably the Daily Mail, or possibly the Sun.
It has been stated by ACPO that innocent people have nothing to fear from their DNA being retained even after acquittal. Since police officers must necessarily visit the scenes of crimes, it is reasonable that their DNA be added to the national DNA database and retained for 12 years after leaving the force (or indefinitely in the case of dismissal or resignation while under investigation for misconduct).
Any police officer not enrolled on the DNA database should be prevented from taking a DNA sample from a suspect, or accessing the database in the course of an investigation. This would be a reasonable safeguard against the use of a system by a police officer who clearly has no confidence in it.
Response to the Swine Flu headlines has been interesting. Take this entirely realistic petition, for instance…
A permanent border force based at Ports and Airports should be created not just illegal to catch immigrants but also to monitor and catch any possible epidemics. Recent cases such as bird flu or swine flu show the neccessity of keeping a border force on watch for epidemics and testing suspected cases.
“‘Xcuse me, sir, but do you happen to be carrying any pandemics about your person today, sir?”
“Well, I have a couple in my luggage, yeah.”
“Could you follow me please, sir…”
Or this one, which I’m sure is another person jumping on yet another piece of recent news to keep dem im’gents out of the country.
We should do our best to reduce the impact of what could kill many people by closing our borders with immediate effect.
What, even block flights from countries that haven’t reported Swine Flu infection yet? Well that sounds perfectly reasonable…
I realise that this blog is, first and foremost, about pointing out the more ridiculous petitions posted on the British Government’s ePetition site, but as this is a topic that has permiated the headlines of the UK’s papers and resulted in what I shall refer to as “a lot” of petitions, I think it’s time to talk a little about Ministerial expenses. Specifically, I’m going to talk about how the press are doing their damnedest to stretch this story beyond breaking point.
Earlier this week I saw an article on page one of the Daily Express laying into MPs and the entire Expenses process because… wait for it… they expense their meals. Specifically, they chose to use their subsidation of tea at 30p a cup as the subtitle for the article. You read right, people - WE THE TAXPAYERS are paying for their TEA! WHAT A DESCRASE!
Accept that, actually, it isn’t. I have to admire the hypocrisy of the Daily Express. If I walked into their office I think I would be geuinely surprised if I didn’t see tea and coffee-making facilities, free to use by all staff. Indeed, anyone incensed by the article who works in such an office (and I’ve worked in plenty of them myself) are themselves sitting atop a throne of double-standardness.
Now your response, should you be against free tea for the MPs, may well be, “That’s all well and good, but their tea is being paid for out of OUR POCKETS. The tea at work gets paid for by our employers!” – accept you forget that the Government more or less employs the MPs. Your employers don’t just manifest money out of thin air – they earn that money by providing a product or service either to other companies or to the public. That’s what Government does too – it provides a number of services to the public, for which we pay taxes. It’s the same ruddy principle, and for the papers to get a bit bent out of shape about 30 pence for a cup of ruddy tea (which isn’t that bad when you think about how much a cup of tea costs at McDonalds or your local greasy spoon) is rather silly.
But then, people need something to moan about, don’t they? And that, ultimately, is what the papers do – they take one story and stretch it out as far as they can. Get as much mileage out of it as possible to sell as many papers as possible.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled ePetition snark.
MPs should not be paid a salary or expenses by the tax payer. They represent political groups. Therefore, they should be paid by the political party they represent.
As a satirical point about MPs loyalties this is perhaps laudable. As a serious petition, it’s alarming. I don’t know which it was intended as, but it’s running as the latter.
Jade Goody has been an inspiration to thousands of woman in her battle with cancer and shown time and time again she is the real people’s princess. A bank holiday to remember her by is a fitting tribute.
No it isn’t a fitting tribute. Jade Goody was known principally as the thick one off of Big Brother, after which she became the slightly racist one off of Big Brother, and then she got a terminal disease and everyone suddenly decided that she was some kind of princess, because ever since Diana (who was also not a princess) they think that ‘princess’ means ‘dead blonde’. A fitting tribute would be to pull a random person off the street every March 23rd and spin a big wheel with pink segments marked ‘praise’ and black segments marked ‘vilify’, whereupon the tabloids would relentlessly hound the lucky winner for the rest of the year until someone else came along the following March. A fitting tribute is that the American Heritage Dictionary defines ‘jade’ as
v., jad·ed, jad·ing, jades.
v.tr.To wear out, as by overuse or overindulgence. See synonyms at tire.
Okay.
The social services of Edinburgh have taken two young children from there grandparents who have been fully capable and lawful in there upbringing of the said children in favour of placing these children in the custody of two same-sex men. The service stated that the said grandparents were too old and too unfit for rearing them despite both being approximately 50 and only suffering from minor illnesses. This discrimination was met with alleged threats of never being able to see there grandchildren and bullying by the service if they ever spoke out or contested the services decision. These grandparents are the most capable and natural persons for charge of these children, yet despite the children being most comfortable with the grandparents the service have became bigoted and entrenched in giving these children to two unrelated unknown same sex men. Despite one of the children having an innate fear of men, the council are determined in executing this decision and we the people of the united kingdom hear by compel the prime minister to veto this action for the better welfare of the children by giving them to there natural relatives who have a good record of looking after them.
I don’t know if I agree with the council’s decision (although I haven’t all the facts) but I do know that I disagree with your use of the terms ‘bigoted’, ‘discriminating’ and ‘veto’, which I assume were included to give the illusion that you know what you’re talking about.
I also like the fact that Gillon keeps referring to them as ‘two same-sex men’. As if there could be any other kind.
He just wants arbitrary discounts for random groups? How much do you want to bet that Manning has a financial dependant with special needs? (I’m going to be grown up and not do a ’special needs’ joke.)
The sleaze must be stopped.
In the mist of a recession, where the majority of people are struggling to make end meet, we see yet another MP taking advantage of the taxpayer.
We know there is to be an investigation. But it must be immediate. To wait until the next general election is unacceptable.
All MP’s expenses must be stopped immediately until a thorough and transparent investigation in undertaken by an external auditor. MP’s investigating MP’s will not appease the public.
Any MP found to be abusing the system, must return every penny they have claimed.
If you think MPs are doing a bad job, then surely taking away all of their resources is going to make the situation worse?
Oh, do shut up, Teresa. Nice URL, by the way.
www.NHSAlternativeMedicine.com
Mostly I’m sharing this so I can boost our Joseph Chikelue Obi Googlebomb. But it’s still stupid.
This is a joke:
We feel that this is a seriously serious problem, and one which can be solved by shutting all pools, to prevent the spread of AIDS.
This one is serious:
ITV have always had a poor reputation when it come to broadcasting British domestic football. This has been confimed this season with their appalling broadcasts of the 2008-09 FA Cup 4th Round.
Firstly they denied the country the chnce to watch one of the best matches of the round in the Kettering Town v Fulham match.
Secondly, they cut away to adverts jut at the crucial moment of the Merseyside derby replay,
We therefore call on the Prime Minister to immediately enter negotiations with the FA to remove ITV’s broadcast rights,
But it doesn’t go far enough…
Subjected to Clive Tyldesley yakking every week. Clive we are bored by your repetitive yearnings back to the 2 historic moments that ITV have had the privilege of.
Commentating for a game does not mean polluting the airwaves continuously without taking more than a 3 second breath before churning out yet more drivel. Maybe taking a look at the approaches taken by other successful broadcasters who remain silent and let the viewer watch and opine for themselves.
Trying to insult the thoughtless insights provided by messers Townsend and Earle the better, as nauseating as the Nickelback infused DFS adverts sandwiched in-between their bland middle of the road comments.
Constant references to some upcoming rubbish after the game, we don’t need an excuse to tune over to another channel prematurely. Not to mention the ad break during Everton v Liverpool to miss the one highlight of the game. I’m sure Clive will remind us of this, you’ll have to describe it in greater detail as we didn’t see it!
No, that’s still not enough…
ITV’s incessant incompetence when it comes to showing live football is harming the national game. Not content with just forcing the views of David Pleat onto an unwitting public, ITV are now intent on destroying the FA Cup, the most important trophy of our national game. The fact that ITV decided to go to an advert break DURING the Everton vs Liverpool replay causing the millions of people watching to miss the winning goal shows their utter lack of respect for the beautiful game. We can not stand by and let ITV ruin football through incompetence and malice.
That’s pretty mental, but what we need is just a bit more lunacy…
Cutting to a commerical break with 2 minutes to go of extra time is unforgiveable. During this time the only goal of the game between Everton and Liverpool in the FA Cup was scored.
This has happened on F1 and caused them to loose their license.
Shut the channel down!
There we go! Shut them down! Haha! But then…
As we all know ITV are well known for their poor level of production when it comes to sport, however the gaff on 4th February 2009, was a spectacular low point for them.
An FA Cup 4th round replay, with two city rivals head to head and only two minutes left on the clock. Millions of people were on the edge of their seats as ITV suddenly went to an ad break. It felt like an hour to most, but as we returned to the game after around thirty seconds, Everton players lay on the pitch celebrating a wonderful goal by Everton’s nineteen year old Dan Gosling. This was said to be a ‘technical problem’ by Steve Ryder.
As an Evertonian, ‘technical problems’ are not acceptable when Everton beat Liverpool in extra time of an FA Cup replay with two minutes to go. Believe me, this was a once in a life time experience and we all missed it. My heart really goes out to Dan Gosling, I am sure the first thing he said to his mum when he got home was, ‘Did you video the game?’ Steve Ryder look poor young Dan Gosling in the eye and say the words, ‘technical problem’, I dare you.
So I hope the Prime Minister will see fit to instruct Steve Ryder to take his place on the Wembley turf on Cup Final day and apologise to us all.
Right. Is Television finally put to rights now? Have we all now finally righted those wrongs from ages ago?
The decision by the BBC to remove journalist Carol Thatcher from her post as a roving reporter on the One Show sets a dangerous precedent for freedom of speech in the UK.
The ‘offending’ comments were made in a private conversation, and not broadcast. Whether the comments were inherently racist is also questionable, yet she has now lost her job without a proper investigation or alternative recourse to disciplinary procedures.
If a person can now effectively lose their livelihood because of off-the-cuff remarks made in a private environment, this sets a dangerous precedent for anyone in employment.
We therefore urge the Prime Minister to demand that the Director General of the BBC either:
* Launches a full and independent inquiry into the circumstances surrounding Mrs Thatcher’s dismissal, and takes appropriate action upon its conclusion
or
* Immediately reinstates Mrs Thatcher to her former post.
Doing so will perhaps restore some faith in the BBC and address the growing climate of fear which is gripping our society regarding what one is, or is not, allowed to say without fear of reprisal.
Okay. Now are we done?
The comment allegedly made by Carol Thatcher was a throw away one made in the Green room and not made on air unlike recent broadcasters that still have their jobs. We are supposed to be living in a `free’ country for goodness sake. The world has gone mad!
Look, we’ve been over this. He can’t do that. He doesn’t run the BBC. He’s the Prime–
Due to the apparent hypocrisy and double standards of the BBC in their sacking of Carol Thatcher for a private of the cuff comment on a subject that was held with affection and close to the hearts of very many children when they were growing up, the BBC has sacked Carol Thatcher for saying the word "Golliwog", we the undersigned insist that the government use their influence to right the wrong that has been done to Carol Thatcher!
Okay, no more television.
This petition is to ban Nissan Micra Drivers from the public road system between the hours of 06.30 – 23.30 for reasons of safety and well being of other sensible road users who realise what indicators are for and that signs and lines should be obeyed
You know what? I’m going to bed.
Okay. First, the Credit Crunch. Correct me if I’m wrong, but in a nutshell I’d say it goes like this: bankers found that lending money was very profitable so they did it as much as possible even when it clearly wasn’t a very good idea and that was fine for a while but they couldn’t outrun it forever and now they lend only when it seems sensible and the government gave them a big pile of money because if all the banks collapse then everyone is fucked. Something like that, right? Only most of the petition site thinks the bailout money is there for the banks to recklessly lend to cretins:
Get the Banks to stop the arrogance and start releasing tax payers money to the tax payer and their employers. The company I work for has been brought to its knees by the simple fact that the Banks are unwilling to lend money so that firms, like the one I work for can progress. Since October, when this started, they have laid off 20% of the work force. Previous to this the Company was booming. You can point the finger at one institution – the Banks of this country. HELP NOW before its too late. Gordon Brown, the man partly responsible for the biggest ressession in living memory.
Possibly I’m just missing something; it’s happened before. Maybe the banks were meant to lend out this bailout money. What I need is for someone to explain it to me in simple terms.
It’s simple really, in light of the current economic situation we think it’s about time the government stepped in to help the people, small businesses and anyone else who is finding survival a struggle right now. We bailed out the banks recently and are paying for it in a number of ways. We need to see the banks lending again. If this does not happen then we are in trouble. Since the banks aren’t doing this out of their own concern for the welfare of the economy we think it’s time Mr Brown stepped in to stop this financial triage.
No, I still think I’m right. Possibly I’ve just massively missed the point of ecomomics. I mean, as far is I can tell the only difference between Credit Crunch and Normal Times is that in Credit Crunch we’re only allowed to spend money we own, which is basically what I tried to do anyway. I thought that was the point of money.
This one is scary but mysterious. This one appears twice, but comes with a free mental image of the Queen in a blender. This one is funny purely because of a mistake which reverses the petition’s aims. This one is a duplicate of this other one:
The undersigned believe bendy buses should be made to make accordian noises when going round cxorners. This follows a popular campaign on social networking site ‘facebook’, we believe this would greatly benefit the community and increase the popularity of bendy buses. Road rage would also be hilarious
This person has lost at Monopoly once too often:
This one is a bit scary:
The PM must wait by the mailbox at 6PM on March 1st. He knows why. A man will call him on his mobile phone- the PM must refer to him as ‘Joe’. Instructions will come then.
Presumably it’s a joke, though. This one I’m less sure about:
I feel that giving free sweets to the general public on Fridays would increase their working concentration and enjoyment in the workplace. Spirits would be lifted and everyone would be generally happier, causing them to work more enjoyably and perform better. This would, in turn, improve productivity and performance, resulting in an increased level of economic activity in the UK and hastening the end of the credit crunch. Ta-dah!
Here is yet another petition demanding that Facebook groups they disagree with be banned. We may need a category for that. And now, in reverse order: the biggest twats in the world:
3. Jeremy Clarkson
2. People who jokingly say Jeremy Clarkson should be PM.
1. People who call him ‘Jezza’.
Jezza is the greatest – making him PM would be great – no more car tax, bendy buses, highly priced fuel (well, possible diesel) or stupid extra government money gaining taxes to do with anything.
Well, I mean obviously Anne Widdecombe is worse than most of those people, but only really because she has more power. This next one, I think, would be better off just asking for the county lines to be moved. It would seem to save a lot of work.
lowestoft would benefit threw administrive power, money, Waveney District council are in debt yet they want to build a campas however they recentley laid workers beacause of the debt. gorlston left suffolk and went to norfolk not that long ago lowestoft should do the same. suffolk countey council is the reason why lowestoft does not have a third crossing however great yarmouth needs one to but are more likeley to get one beacuse they are in norfolk and the goverement pump money into great yarmouth why do you think it has more retail parks than lowestoft. lowestoft is with g yarmouth for 1st east regeneration g yarmouth has a outer harbour being built nothing has happened to lowestoft. by combining the lowestoft and great yarmouth it will nearley have the population of norwich. norwich is still east anglias capital city and its in norfolk. suffolk has ipswich but its a town.
This one I share purely for its confusing the word ‘ludicrous’ with the rapper ‘Ludacris’. I love those petitions. They’re rare but beautiful.
This pertition is to ALLOW MARCHES ON PARLIAMENT because it’s ludacris that they have made it a illegal to do so. It was made illegal just because the metropolitan police had to short notice. It’s our RIGHT if we choose to march on parliament it’s our free will to do so. Our civil liberties are being eroded what will it be next just because someone doesn’t like what your saying you will not be allowed to say it next. THERE IS NO FREEDOM OF SPEECH IN THIS COUNTRY. ALLOW MARCHES ON PARLIAMENT
Meanwhile, Anna Ioannou, while selfishly hoarding all the vowels, is so confident that everyone supports her ideas that she’s going to lump them all into one giant petition with one stupid URL. And that might work if she wasn’t demonstrably a slathering cretin who thinks that anyone who breaks the slightest law must be inherently evil somehow:
we would like the government to end the pampering of criminals, stop using our money to give some criminals a new identity when they are released, make the prisons harder, we want the prisons to be as they should be, no television, computer games, cd’s etc, we want zero tollerance on crime, we want tougher sentences so crime does not pay, life to mean life.we want back our freedom of speech. we want the government to stop pandering to political correctness.
we want to bring back national service and send first time offenders to army style boot camp. we want the government to stop telling us what we should eat, what we should buy, not to smoke and not to drink, we can make our own decisions based on the infomation provided.
And now it’s time for The Conflict In Gaza. Again, I may have got this wrong, but here is how I understand the situation: the history is really complicated but the problem boils down to the fact that everyone in the Middle East is forced to join at least one violent and insane cult all of which want all the others, and any countries forced to support them, wiped out in as bloody a massacre as possible despite the fact that they all agree on basically nearly everything, because the only significant effect religion has on the world is to turn otherwise only mildly disagreeable people into utter cunts and murderers. So now Israel have neighbours who keep firing rockets at them but can’t respond because they’re so much bigger and anything they do seems like an over-reaction, and Gaza can’t do anything right either because their democratically elected government is a known terrorist group. Nobody can broker peace because it’s hard to negotiate a demand like ‘we want everyone else killed’ and the war can’t be won and if it was then frankly the idea of one supercult is even scarier than the million warring factions we have now. Something like that. But there may be a solution:
We the undersigned abhor and condemn Israel’s military aggression. We believe that banning Israel from Eurovison this year would, because of its trivial nature and huge audience reach, be taken more seriously by Israel than any academic boycott or demonstration, however shrill.
Of all Israeli exports, its pop music is the easiest to boycott as nobody cares whether they hear it or not. And don’t say we’re not being even-handed. We can’t call for Palestine to be evicted. Palestinians aren’t allowed to take part in Eurovision. Even though they live right next to Israel. Which let’s face it is actually in the Middle East. Not Europe.
No hang on, that wasn’t the one I meant to post…
As the Israeli government get ready to hit the 1000 dead Palestinians mark without criticism from Gordon Brown, will the PM let us know what more the IDF can do to elicit even a slither of criticism from Britain?
No, look, we’ve been over this. Your title should be a clear call to arms, starting in a verb. Watch a master at work:
i want israel to stop bombing civialian and stoped the war as soon as possibal
See? That’s all we have to do. We just have to stoped the war as soon as possibal. Why didn’t everyone think of that sooner?
So now that that’s sorted, let’s turn our attention to problems at home:
We togeather can ban this, ‘chavy’ and ‘boy racer’ type car so we will finally be safe on the roads of the UK,
Instead of driving along and hearing the ridiculus ‘Boom’ of the sub and the ‘Borm and screaming of the 1.1 litre engine. This will benift all of the genaral public as this may reduce tyre prices as the owners will stop ‘Pointlessly’ wheel spinning there cereal toys.
Oh, apparently we don’t have any. I’m intrigued by the idea that reducing demand will reduce prices. Also, I’ve noticed that ‘criminals’ and ‘robbers’ go to jail, so logically if we ban jail the problem will go away.
Did you know that the Girl Guides keep a list of people who are members of the Girl Guides?
Girlguiding – Rainbows, Brownies & Guides is building a national database of all the girls in the units. This database will contain the details of thousands of girls in the UK, such as age, parents names, telephone numbers, email, race, ethic groups etc.
Whilst Girlguiding maintains this information is "safe" we have grave concerns how a voluntary organisation like Guiding going to ensure total security.
Once this information is leaked or lost into the public domain ALL the girls are at risk . This is precisely why many people have the same concerns over the governments intended contactpoint children’s database. Indeed the conservatives have promised to scrap this database as itis a high risk.
The Deloitte report about the ContactPoint database. stated "It should be noted that risk can only be managed, not eliminated, and therefore there will always be a risk of data security incidents occurring"
If we have serious concerns over the ContactPoint database then we should not allow a voluntary organisation to do the same with fewer controls.
The repercussions of information falling into the wrong hands could be extremely dangerous
I know, shocking, isn’t it?
Proposals are suggested that inmates of Guantanamo Bay should be housed in our over stretched infrastructure.
We the undersigned refuse this outragous suggestion on an already over populated Island.
Far be it to suggest that you’re actually more angry about the idea of immigrants living here than terrorists, but…
(rejected)
Keep imigrants out for good! KEEP BRITAIN BRITISH!
Coming over here, not even learning the language enough to spell the word ‘immigrant’ correctly in a petition to the government about immigrants…
Lastly,here is one of about five petitions about Graham Stringer posted in the last week:
Recently, Graham Stringer MP has made comments where he claims dyslexia is a myth. This is clearly not true. There are several people in the UK living with dyslexia today, and for them day-to-day life is very hard. He is lying, as according to the British Dyslexic Association, 10% of his constituents suffer from the condition. The condition is not ‘cruel fiction’, and should not be consigned to the ‘dustbin of history’. As you can clearly see, Graham Stringer MP is making clearly false statements, and should be removed from his MP seat as soon as possible.
I am beginning to suspect there exists a variant of dyslexia which causes the sufferer to be staggeringly ignorant of Parliamentary procedure.
It’s my turn to have a look-see through the rejected petitions, and… wow.
This is a serious petition and not intended to be humorous. Life should mean life for all murderers, rapists, paedophiles etc. I propose however that televised gladiatorial matches should be created for the prisoners to fight in. For every victory they earn 1 day off their sentence. The victim/victims family get to choose how the loser is punished. Proceeds from the matches go to victim support, hospitals, education and science only.
This seems, more or less, to be a combination of the plots from Gladiator and The Running Man.
We feel that this country has gone OTT in its attitude to smoking. We have accepted the smoking ban in public places with very little problems – probably because as a group we have great consideration for others. But how much further is this persecution going to go – will it be soon any films showing people smoking will not be allowed to be screened on TV. Will non-smokers not be allowed to see great films such as the Guns of Navarone.
…What?
To reveal the identity of The Stig (as seen on TV show Top Gear). The identity of idols should not be concealed.
I think it’d be a better idea to ask the Prime Minister to tell us what’s really happening on “Lost”. And, uh, this petition probably wasn’t posted by our own Andrew. Probably.
Baby P? Are people still talking about that?
I believe it’s about time we had Wrestlemania in the UK or ATLEAST a PPV, over the last few years the popularity of WWE in the UK has soared recently announcing record attendance and profit for their UK tour. I think they could start giving us something more though. We need to start a petition to get their attention to show that we actually want it here. The last mania brought a record $50 million us dollars to their economy
Did it? How wonderful!
Woolworths has been a household name for 100 years, it is a part of us, our parents, Grand parents and great grand parents. Woolworths has been on our high street supplying the citizens of Britain for 100 years with everything they need for their household. It is where most start their working career as a saturday worker whilst at school and we feel that the government should help us keep it that way for the next generation. Please lets not add to the unemployment crisis by leaving thousands of Woolworths workers jobless, lets keep Woolies British!
Woolworths have today gone into administration, 30,000 people could and most likely will loose there jobs. Can the government not assist this company and its employees? 30,000 people unemployed overnight with no help from the government is unacceptable.
tell the government to intervene and save this british institution and help save it’s 820 stores and 30000 staff
My question is this: where were all these people when Woolworths were open and sales were flagging?