Posted by Ben @ August 6th, 2011 8:20 am. Filed under: ...Or Else!,Anything I Want Should Be Legal,Clearly You've Thought This Through,Commas,Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me,Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself,My Other Car Is Another Car,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,Really REALLY Bad Ideas,That'd Be Nice — Tags: Ben Spiller —
Apparently getting rid of that that twelve-second period of waiting at a crossing when there’s nobody there is absolutely vital:
by Ben SpillerThe Prime Minister should make an announcement saying that there are no cameras on any pelican crossings in the country. Then, tell everyone that if the light is on red, and there is nobody on the crossing, just GO! This would save Billions of pounds to the economy, increase our standard of life and reduce carbon footprint.
What, Ben, is your problem? Is your schedule so important that being held up by a red light for a fistful of seconds is enough to throw your entire day out of whack? Here’s some advice – if you find yourself at Pelican Crossing while there’s a red light and nobody waiting to cross the road, just take a deep breath, count to ten, then… ah, fuck that. Just write another angry note to the Prime Minister. Your inability to cope with minor delays is exactly the reason he got into politics, after all.
by Mac Rutherford
This country is absolutely filthy, helping to create the ‘broken society’ that many people believe that we live in. I am ashamed to drive along many of the roads in the UK, the roadsides piled high with bottles, plastic, take away items, cans etc etc.Ponds & rivers are often polluted with rubbish floating around, helping to destroy the wildlife. Laybys often don’t even have litterbins! The streets in our towns & cities are full of rubbish, chewing gum, fag ends,cigarette packets,sweet wrappers, graffiti etc.Bins overflow everywhere & seem to be rarely emptied, this leads to a sense of decay & that British could’nt care less atitude. Many tourists are shocked! My solution is to employ teenagers on Community service to work on this & to do something constructive with their time, I also would bring in heavy fines, ie £1000 a time, for throwing rubbish, rather like Singapore where there is zero rubbish. After a short period,of government advertising , after the first few people were fined , we would all become used to it, & what joy to travel our roads & walk in the towns & countryside again, free of the litter of modern society!
by Anne Wollenberg (rejected)
I need to speak to someone about the fact some bright spark has signed my petition (not this one, clearly) twice, which isn’t OK – I need to get it removed. Can I find a phone number? No. Can the PM’s office switchboard help? No. Do you answer emails or tweets? No. Could you please provide some way of accessing technical help?! I don’t want to start a petition for this, it’s just the only way I can think of to contact you that I haven’t already tried! The actual petition is at http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/selfemployedNI/ and the person who signed it twice is
# Mrs Carole Anne Benton # Mrs Carole Benton
Oh yes, please do put a phone number on the ePetition website. I’d love for the ePetition Team to actually hear what some of these people sound like. I imagine Keith Jones would never get off the line.
Posted by Ben @ February 16th, 2010 12:47 pm. Filed under: "Making Britain Great Again",Clearly You've Thought This Through,I Am A Brain!,I'm serious!,It's Just A Little Request...,Just Crazy Enough To Work,Really REALLY Bad Ideas,spelin an grammer,Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful,That'd Be Nice,Unworkable Ideas,Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?,Work Around My Delusions Dammit! — Tags: Yvonne Reeves —
Get Rid of ALL High Rised Tower Blocks of Flats and replace them with Maisonettes for Single Tenants and 2-3-and4 Bedroomed Houses with Gardens for Small and Large Famlies.by Yvonne Reeves
If the Government get rid of these Flats it will hopefully get rid of the Getto’s and People will Respect where they Live and their Children will grow up as Good Citizens and Parents.
The people who lived in the tower blocks will simply cease to be, and the Happiness Fairy will sprinkle her fairydust on the building site and wonderful houses with beautiful back gardens will sprout out of the ground! The people in the neighbourhoods will suddenly become kind, wonderful, generous people who’ll put away their hoodies, pull out their acoustic guitars, and sing songs of joy and rapture until the sun goes down.
Then they’ll mug everyone.
Regulate the sales of tickets to football matches so that normal fans have a chance of getting them, not just executive members who happen to be paying more.by Patrick Hackett
I think that the government should put a limit on the number of football tickets sold to executive members of football clubs, as at the moment most tickets to cup finals are being sold to executives, who have no real support for the club, and real fans of the clubs are getting no opportunity to attend these matches.
This is important!
by nabila (rejected)
My husband was falsely accused of g.b.h and sexual assault. many people are suffering due to being falsely accused. I believe this is totally unfair. the law should drop charges against people who are falsely accused
I’ve been saying for a long time that the present system, under which people found not guilty are sent to prison anyway, is in dire need of revision.
by Mr Mitchell Ankers
I have been trying for over a year to find a job now, and to no avail. There are thousands if not millions of people across the UK in the same position as myself. Since the current recession is largely the fault of you, the Prime Minister, in your current role, and your previous role of Chancellor of the Exchequer, I believe it is your responsibility to find work for every one of us.
YOU get a job! And YOU get a job! EVERYBODY GETS A JOB!
Posted by Ben @ December 23rd, 2009 5:52 pm. Filed under: I'm serious!,My Other Car Is Another Car,spelin an grammer,Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful,That'd Be Nice — Tags: martin berry of n/a —
There’s something very special about this petition.
by martin berry of n/a
i would like the goverment to change the way unpaid parking tickets are left. if european lorries park and get booked in this country they mostley go unpaid why cant there be a new law that if its not paid a warrent marker is placed on the company that ownes the lorrie regardless where its from and when it comes back in the country the police on board computers in there cars are actevated and the lorries are stopped and inpounded untill the fine and access fine is paid the goverment issue budgets to councils every year the councils are loseing millions of pounds by this easy get out drivers have. change it and the goverment will not have to pay out so much saving a lot of money i live in dover kent the gate way to england these drivers at the moment are parking anyware they like and consantley getting away with it and cauesing thousands of pounds of damage every year by the way they park change the law and save money its so easy i would love a reply thank you martin
It starts out with a fairly sensible, nay reasonable request – European lorry drivers do have a habit of parking wherever they like (even in my old hometown of Luton, where they’d just find a small backroad and park up to sleep for the afternoon). However after this our boy Martin descends into science fiction bollocks, asking for the vehicle to somehow be switched off remotely. At that point the petition turns into a letter from a seven year-old.
I completely agree that parking tickets given to lorries and vehicles originating from overseas should be collected in some manner, but this Will Smith I, Robot bollocks isn’t the way to go about doing it.
by Miss Julie Gaydon
Sign this petition to ban homework in school. Homework should be banned because work is for at school and after school they should be spending time on doing other things. Teachers don’t like taking it home to mark either.
Comic credit: Kris Straub
by Jessie Russell
every one dissevers a chance in life…even animals! so why coop them up all day? they need to be free to make their full Potential so please sign this petition to free their lives…
I’m sharing this petition not because I have a problem with preventing cruelty to animals, but because I think the notion that being couped up on a box is the only thing stopping a chicken from writing an award-winning novel or from becoming a Fireman is a fundamentally comical one.
Of course, the obvious solution is this:
Posted by Ben @ November 26th, 2009 6:11 am. Filed under: I Am A Brain!,I'm Keeping The Whole Class Back,That'd Be Nice,Unworkable Ideas,Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children? — Tags: Margaret King —
Ho ho! The title of this post is ironic!
by Margaret King
This is in response, or reaction, to a petition against racism in schools; I signed that petition but I’m sure there is at least as much, if not more, sexism in schools: e.g. boys calling girls “slags” (if they do make themselves sexually available) or “tight” if they don’t etc. There is also what is known as the “hidden curriculum” in which girls internalise ideas about what is suitable for them, as girls who will become women, by observing the relative positions of male and female school staff. And, of course, there was the recent report of the Head of an independent girls’ school telling her pupils that, as girls, they couldn’t “have it all”; my view of this is that women could have more if men, as a matter of course, had less and the fact that they don’t seem prepared to is, almost certainly, due to the sexism experienced in schools.
Ho ho! The requested act is impossible!
by James Peterson
The concept hinges on two factors:
One – Even if you are a morning person you still would rather not get out of bed at such an insanely early hour, and even if you do get up, you’d surely spend the time lazing about in PJs and generally relaxing at home instead of working.
Two: Your best work is generally done towards the end of the day and into the early hours of the next day. Anyone who has ever attended any educational institution knows that the time spent working in to the early hours of the morning fueled by nothing other than caffeine and adrenaline produces our best work and gives an unstoppable work ethic, allowing you to forgo limiting factors such as comfort, hunger, social contact, daylight, the need to blink, and many other distracting features of the human body.
Thus based on these 2 factors i suggest that the standard working hours of 9am – 5pm hereby are relocated to a more comfortable time of 5pm – 1am or for the more hardcore; 7pm to 3am.