Filed under: Not Government Business, Nothing Should Ever Change!, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, We're British, Dammit! — Tags: Robin Hodge — Ben @ 3:51 am
by Robin HodgeThe team receives its funding from the UK Government, and UK athletics bodies. It receives funding from UK Lottery funds.It flies the UK flag – not a GB one. It’s time it had a rethink and changed the name to Team UK.
Here are the Google Image Search results for “United Kingdom flag”, and here are the Google Image Search results for “Great Britain flag”. Thanks for playing.
Filed under: "Making Britain Great Again", Clearly You've Thought This Through, I Am A Brain!, I'm serious!, It's Just A Little Request..., Just Crazy Enough To Work, Really REALLY Bad Ideas, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, That'd Be Nice, Unworkable Ideas, Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?, Work Around My Delusions Dammit!, spelin an grammer — Tags: Yvonne Reeves — Ben @ 12:47 pm
by Yvonne ReevesIf the Government get rid of these Flats it will hopefully get rid of the Getto’s and People will Respect where they Live and their Children will grow up as Good Citizens and Parents.
The people who lived in the tower blocks will simply cease to be, and the Happiness Fairy will sprinkle her fairydust on the building site and wonderful houses with beautiful back gardens will sprout out of the ground! The people in the neighbourhoods will suddenly become kind, wonderful, generous people who’ll put away their hoodies, pull out their acoustic guitars, and sing songs of joy and rapture until the sun goes down.
Then they’ll mug everyone.
Filed under: A Rose By Any Other Name Would Be Less Funny, Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me, I'm serious!, Join the Fight Against Nebulous Bad-Sounding Things!, So I Just Type What I Want Here And The PM Has To Do It?, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, That's SO UNFAIR! I HATE YOU!, The Nasty Television Upset Me! — Tags: John Catley — Ben @ 9:25 pm
by John CatleyThe Prime Minister has chosen to give his full backing and support to the case for Anthropogenic Global Warming. That is his right as an individual and that right is part of the constitution of this country. The Prime Minister does not have the right to insult millions of British people by describing them as “deniers”, a particularly hateful and emotive insult, because they do not share his view. Recently Chief Scientific Adviser, Sir John Beddington, said “I don’t think it’s healthy to dismiss proper scepticism. Science grows and improves in the light of criticism. There is a fundamental uncertainty about climate change prediction that can’t be changed.” In spite of this, and significant evidence to show that there is indeed much in doubt, the Prime Minister continues issue his insults.
There’s a difference between “I’m not sure if climate change is happening” and “It’s definitely not happening.” One is stating a feeling of uncertainty, and the other is outright denial – and when I say “denial” I don’t mean the psychological “I’m not listening la la la la” denial, I mean the literal denial. Most people labelled as “clime change deniers” aren’t raising questions about whether it’s going on or not – they’re outright saying it’s not happening. The label is apt.
Filed under: Clearly You've Thought This Through, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, This Is The Worst Kind Of Discrimination! The Kind Against Me!, spelin an grammer — Tags: ian yeatman — Ben @ 8:39 pm
by ian yeatmani feel that comparison websites are harming insurance industry as businesses are closing down because people going to a website where its cheaper but by going to an insurance broker everything is explained to you
Yes, Mr Gordon! Save us from the 21st century!
Filed under: I'm serious!, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, Unintentional Irony — Tags: Mr Timothy John Tyne — Ben @ 8:50 pm
by Mr Timothy John TyneRepeal all discrimination laws because they are fundamentally unfair.
Doncha think?
By the way: Based solely on this petition, I’m going to go ahead and assume that Mr Timothy John Tyne is a racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic douche canoe who hates everyone who isn’t a straight white male with blond hair, blue eyes, and a deep, masculine voice.
Filed under: Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful — Tags: Paul Woodburn of n/a — Ben @ 11:40 pm
by paul woodburnNot enough people use this site to get their points across.
Some of the petitions on here are about things that the public majority feel strong about.
To give is us all a chance to get our points across with more signatures this website itself needs to be advertised.
The best places to display adverts for this site are in Job centres, Schools, Colleges, Universities, Places of work, Post offices and free news papers.
Also the website should be displayed during the live television election debates and in poll stations.
Oh yes, please do inform the general public of this site. I for one can’t wait to see some of the shit people would post on here then. Petitions asking the Prime Minister to lower the price of yoghurt in Sainsburys, asking for that homeless guy on our street to be removed, asking for someone to come and arrest our new neighbour because “They look a bit like a terrorist.”
I’m giddy with anticipation!
Filed under: Clearly You've Thought This Through, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, These Kids Today With Their Modern Haircuts And Hippetty-Hop Music, Unreasonable Demands, Unworkable Ideas, You and What Army? — Tags: Mik Boon — Ben @ 11:49 pm
by Mik BoonWe need national service in this country but cant send unwilling youths to war. I believe a force of trained and disciplined rescue and relief workers could be used to help in natural disasters both home and abroad. These people would be trained in a military style except for the weapons training. Instead being used as a force for good without taking the military away from its primary duties. In conjunction with the military the personnel and equipment would be available at a moments notice to be deployed where needed. These conscripts will develop a sense of discipline and worth sadly lacking in todays society, and also develop citizenship skills and skills for life and work in general. There would also be no youth unemployment and youth crime would also fall. Training could be done by ex service personnel and run along the lines of previous generations national service.
If we can’t send unwilling people to kill other people, what on Glod’s green earth makes you think we can send unwilling people to help other people?
Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Mandatory, Don't Worry About What THEY Want, Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me, George Orwell Had The Right Idea, I Pay Taxes So You Have To Do Anything I Say, I'm serious!, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, Unreasonable Demands — Tags: Robin Rawlings — Ben @ 11:35 pm
I’ll leave the discussion of this charming little petition in your capable hands, folks:
by Robin RawlingsAs a tax payer I fed up seeing my neighbours who don’t work watching their 40″ plasma tv’s, I can’t afford one and I work and pay tax so why should lazy people contributing nothing to the country get more than hard working people. We should force them to work if they don’t work, by building workhouses and then sending them to workhouses.
Filed under: Batshit Mental Rants, I'm serious!, It Says So In The Daily Mail, It's Just A Little Request..., Stand Back! I'm Going To Try SCIENCE!, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, There's No Time For Thinking!, Unreasonable Demands, Unworkable Ideas — Tags: Ian Baldwin — Ben @ 8:46 pm
Hahahaha!
by Ian BaldwinThe Prime Minister wants colder winters but Britain cannot cope with the small amounts of snow it gets at present. If man made climate change exists (and the undersigned do not believe it does) he should be encouraging global warming in order to keep roads and railways open and save money on severe weather payments.
BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Filed under: Abolish This!, Can't someone else pay the tax?, Clearly You've Thought This Through, I Could've Looked This Up But Instead I Watched Countdown, Is Research The Same Thing As Making Shit Up? Good., It Says So In The Daily Mail, Stop Spending My Money On Things I Don't Understand., Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, That's SO UNFAIR! I HATE YOU!, The Nasty Television Upset Me!, There's Already A Solution But Don't Let That Stop You From Bothering The PM, This Is The Worst Kind Of Discrimination! The Kind Against Me!, Unreasonable Demands, spelin an grammer — Tags: Mr Richard Moore — Ben @ 7:08 pm
Oh dear, we have another “scrap the TV license” moron in our midsts. And this one is armed with misinformation! Let’s get this over with…
by Mr Richard MooreWhy should the BBC be given free money, whilst other TV channels gain no funding from the BBC TV License?
Why also is it satisfactory for the BBC to outsourse it’s published programs to e.g. BBC Americas for viewing abroad.
Why also is it satisfactory for the BBC to use UK License holders money to spurn products for their own profit from the UK public, i.e. childrens toy product etc…?
With the current economic state the country has been placed into, would it not enable families with a lower income to utilise the monies used for a TV License on more benificial items, i.e. feeding their family?
Is it not fair to the other broadcast network’s such as ITV, Channel 4 etc… to not recieve monies from the TV License.
Support the scrappage of the BBC TV License, sign the petition!
Okay, let’s dissect this one, shall we?
Why should the BBC be given free money, whilst other TV channels gain no funding from the BBC TV License?
Because the BBC is a public broadcasting service, and ITV, Channel 4, Channel Five, Sky etc. are businesses supported by advertising.
Why also is it satisfactory for the BBC to outsourse it’s published programs to e.g. BBC Americas for viewing abroad.
Actually, haha, they don’t. What happens is this: BBC Worldwide, the business arm of the BBC, is given the rights to distribute the shows to other territories. What happens then is that BBC America has to bid for those rights, and if they succeed then they get the show. You probably don’t know this but until recently BBC America didn’t have the first-to-air rights to Doctor Who – the American SciFi Channel (now called SyFy) outbid them for the rights to series one through four, and they let those rights lapse this year for the one-off specials.
Additionally, BBC America (which, I need to reiterate, is a business much like ITV and British Sky Broadcasting) actually co-funds some BBC productions such as Robin Hood.
So, y’know. Research.
Why also is it satisfactory for the BBC to use UK License holders money to spurn products for their own profit from the UK public, i.e. childrens toy product etc…?
Again, this is stuff that is all handled by the BBC’s business arms and is not funded by the money they get from the TV license, you frog’s gusset.
With the current economic state the country has been placed into, would it not enable families with a lower income to utilise the monies used for a TV License on more benificial items, i.e. feeding their family?
Considering that television is a luxury item and not a utility, they could always put the TV in the loft if they can’t afford their license.
Is it not fair to the other broadcast network’s such as ITV, Channel 4 etc… to not recieve monies from the TV License.
There is some debate about this, but once again it’s worth noting that ITV, Channel 4 etc. are supported by advertising. The BBC is not.
Thanks for playing.
Filed under: I'm serious!, My Other Car Is Another Car, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, That'd Be Nice, spelin an grammer — Tags: martin berry of n/a — Ben @ 5:52 pm
There’s something very special about this petition.
by martin berry of n/ai would like the goverment to change the way unpaid parking tickets are left. if european lorries park and get booked in this country they mostley go unpaid why cant there be a new law that if its not paid a warrent marker is placed on the company that ownes the lorrie regardless where its from and when it comes back in the country the police on board computers in there cars are actevated and the lorries are stopped and inpounded untill the fine and access fine is paid the goverment issue budgets to councils every year the councils are loseing millions of pounds by this easy get out drivers have. change it and the goverment will not have to pay out so much saving a lot of money i live in dover kent the gate way to england these drivers at the moment are parking anyware they like and consantley getting away with it and cauesing thousands of pounds of damage every year by the way they park change the law and save money its so easy i would love a reply thank you martin
It starts out with a fairly sensible, nay reasonable request – European lorry drivers do have a habit of parking wherever they like (even in my old hometown of Luton, where they’d just find a small backroad and park up to sleep for the afternoon). However after this our boy Martin descends into science fiction bollocks, asking for the vehicle to somehow be switched off remotely. At that point the petition turns into a letter from a seven year-old.
I completely agree that parking tickets given to lorries and vehicles originating from overseas should be collected in some manner, but this Will Smith I, Robot bollocks isn’t the way to go about doing it.
Filed under: Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, What a Baby, You Know - We Haven't Banned Anything Lately. — Tags: Ian Rudge — Ben @ 10:15 pm
by Ian RudgeAn increasing number of stores are displaying prominent signs at checkouts reading “Under 25? ID Required!!!” or suchlike.
These signs are humiliating and degrading, and effectively brand such persons as second-class citizens.
Whilst we realise that there is a serious problem with underage drinking and knife ownership, signs of this kind are not the solution. In fact they may be exacerbating the problem by creating justifiable anger and resentment in persons of that age-group, who see themselves as being made outcasts from society.
A law is needed, banning any kind of signage in retail outlets which stigmatises certain age-groups.
Filed under: Duplicate Petitions, Exclamation marks!!!!, I Petition The Government To Your Name Here, I'm Religious So You Have To Do Everything I Say, Reject Rednesday, Rejected Petitions, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, The Sad Clown, We Don't Take Kindly To Your Type Rahnd These Pahts, You Know - We Haven't Banned Anything Lately., spelin an grammer — Tags: colin west, Jan Kozminski, Linda Homan, Miss Heidi Thomas, Mr Glen Robson, r gillespie — Ben @ 10:34 am
This week’s Reject Rednesday takes place on a Saturday, because I want it to. So let us once again trawl through the ePetition site’s Reject Bin and pay heed to the braying and neighing of farmyard animals.
by Linda Homan (rejected)Please stop all migrants entering the UK. This includes our European partners. Residents from Europe should be allowed in at the rate of one UK person leaving – let in someone from Europe. This is a small island that is already overcrowded and we are facing huge unemployment without additional people. The argument that migrants help with work can no longer be used. We the British people are not prejudiced. However, if we are to remain the great nation that we have always been, we need to stop the madness that migration is bringing all over this wonderful country of ours!
Yes, because the “madness” going on in the UK these days is solely because of people clawing their way onto our shores like mindless zombies, hungry for the brains of employment, nourished only by the knowledge that the job they’re doing now has been stolen from a hard-working Brit.
The problem with people like this is that they’re complaining about immigrants taking our jobs in one breath, and then decrying “Benefit Britain” in the next. The irony of this is just sickening.
Filed under: Commas, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, There's No Time For Thinking! — Tags: Tony Hawdley — Ben @ 10:55 pm
I love the childlike mentality of this petition.
by Tony HawdleySave the Chandlers from Somali pirates. In an era where we, the UK are supposed to be taking a stance towards combating terrorism, surely we should also send out a message to these pirates that the UK is not to be messed with? What are the SAS for? The regiment must be itching to get into some action! Get the guys of 22nd SAS regiment in there now and remind the rest of the World we still have a spine.
Send in the SAS to beat ‘em up! They got guns and that!
Filed under: FREEDOM!!, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful — Tags: Mr Damien Hellewell — Ben @ 10:26 pm
Come on everybody, let’s go to Yorkshire!
by Mr Damien HellewellThis is a petition for the right to hold a legally binding referendum in the historic county of Yorkshire, which would ask the following question:
“Do you want Yorkshire to be an independent state from the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland”.
This is a matter of giving people the right to a voice, if the vote is no then nothing will change. If the vote is yes then Yorkshire will become an independent state.
On second thought, let’s not go to Yorkshire. Tis a silly place.
Filed under: I Am A Brain!, I See What You Did There, It Says So In The Daily Mail, My Other Car Is Another Car, Nanny Knows Best, Racism, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, We Don't Take Kindly To Your Type Rahnd These Pahts, What A Dick, You Know - We Haven't Banned Anything Lately. — Tags: Mr Michael Owen — Ben @ 1:09 am
by Mr Michael OwenWe believe that drivers should have unimpeded vision and that face coverings can cause a significant or potential loss of vision whilst operating a motorised vehicle. We believe this to present a risk of vision being obscured whilst the vehicle is in motion and an increased risk of accident, damage or even death.
In addition, we believe that in the event of an accident, it impedes the ability to identify the driver and could also prevent a Police Officer from effectively investigating a criminal offence if the face of the driver is covered. We point out the fact that there is no religious reason why a driver should drive with a full face covering and therefore on safety and security grounds, it should be banned by an act of law.
The racism in this petition is badly veiled – because, y’know, whenever anyone petitions for a ban on burkhas they’re actually saying “Hello, I am a racist” (and, of course, the URL for this petition kind of gives the game away here). In his haste to be a racist bastard he’s conveniently forgotten that motorbike helmets tend to obscure the face as well. Nicely done there, Mikey.
Filed under: Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, Thinking Things Through Is Just Not British — Tags: Paul Kenchington — Ben @ 12:58 am
by Paul KenchingtonBy making larger retail outlets close on Rememberance Sunday we will make the day special for many more people than currently happens. Easter Sunday has now become a very quiet day with most people spending it with family and friends. If my proposal is accepted I would predict many more people would become aware of the true purpose of the day. We would have time to remember, to join in the two minute silence and reflect on what sacrifices were made to keep our freedom
Yes, let’s commemorate the continued freedom of the United Kingdom by bringing in a government-imposed restriction upon it.
Filed under: Can't someone else pay the tax?, I AM TALKING!, I Am A Brain!, I Petition The Government To Your Name Here, Not actual justice -- just what I wanted. Which is basically the same thing., Nothing Should Ever Change!, Only joking!, Please State The Nature of the Medical Emergency, Reject Rednesday, Rejected Petitions, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, The Nasty Television Upset Me!, What A Load Of Bankers — Tags: Anthony Franks OBE of The Franks Family, Christian Dwyer, Colin Andrew Brown, JANET, Jim Hackett of none, mr iain musgrove, Paul Nosprout of Nosprouts, Richard McManus — Ben @ 12:24 pm
That’s right folks, it’s time for another slice of general ignorance!
by Christian Dwyer (rejected)I think it is unjust and unfair that we have no choice but to pay a television licence to the BBC but they only produce 4 episodes of the massively popular soap ‘EastEnders’ per week. This is probably the second most popular BBC broadcasting after the news. It is almost unanimous national opinion that there should be a new episode aired on Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays, where there currently is not.
Unjustified self-entitlement – it’s what Britain does best. (more…)
Filed under: Nothing Should Ever Change!, Please State The Nature of the Medical Emergency, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful — Tags: Jeff Heenan — Ben @ 3:01 am
by Jeff Heenan“The Department of Health is considering imposing a legally binding “duty of candour” on hospitals, surgeries and other healthcare providers, ensuring NHS managers admit to patients when an error has led to harm as well as explain exactly what has gone wrong and apologise”
“You know that thing you’re thinking about doing? Well… keep thinking about doing it. Cheers.”
Filed under: Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, Young, Dumb, And Online — Tags: John Mondalson — Ben @ 7:33 pm
by John MondalsonPeople under the age of 18 who have completed their sixth-form education are as aware of the risks of alcohol as those who are over 18 at the time of completion. It is wrong and discriminating that a fixed age should be put on the purchase of restricted products.
Make it so that anyone who completes their sixth-form can legally buy alcohol. People age 17 and a half who have completed their full education are much less likely to overconsume alcohol than someone aged 18 who dropped out of school aged 16.
How do you figure? There’s a difference between being educated, being smart, and being in the know.
Filed under: A Rose By Any Other Name Would Be Less Funny, Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me, FREEDOM!!, George Orwell Had The Right Idea, Hadrian's Firewall, I Could've Looked This Up But Instead I Watched Countdown, I'm serious!, Technology. Tamed., Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, There's No Time For Thinking!, These Kids Today With Their Modern Haircuts And Hippetty-Hop Music, Work Around My Delusions Dammit!, You Know - We Haven't Banned Anything Lately. — Tags: James McGlynn — Ben @ 3:16 am
by James McGlynnThe ban of this piece of equipment will stop infringement of peoples privacy and stop the use of them to record violence for uploading to social networking sites, and sites of the type of youtube. There is no requirement for them and their ban will help stop bullying and other violent acts deemed fun to post on the internet.
But buying regular cameras? Oh, that’s still okay. Like this Kodak Zi8 HD Pocket Video Camera with support for SD cards of up to 32MB and fully integrated YouTube, Facebook and Vimeo uploading, a snip at £140.93.
Filed under: I Could've Looked This Up But Instead I Watched Countdown, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, Thinking Things Through Is Just Not British, Unreasonable Demands, We're British, Dammit! — Tags: Alan Fennelly — Ben @ 3:04 am
by Alan FennellyWe believe Royal Mail worked better for the centuries in which it was the only postal service in this country than it has in the recent years in which is has had competition forced upon it. Competition has only harmed Royal Mail and has caused it’s current problems. Before the most recent decades the Royal Mail was the envy of the world, the best post service the existed; now, due to the competition forced upon it, it has sunk to what it now is, which poor service and forced to cut back on jobs. Its also unfair that Royal Mail is forced to let all the other postal companies use Royal Mail postmen to deliver it’s mail and parcels, this isn’t simply competition but forcing Royal Mail to help it’s competition.
We believe it would be far better to let Royal Mail once have a monopoly and let it get on with what it’s been doing for 350 years.
I love the implication that the only reason the Royal Mail is bad now is because there is competition out there doing the job better and making them look bad. The solution? Clearly, get rid of the competition. Then the Royal Mail will seem glowingly sufficient.
Filed under: I Am A Brain!, Please State The Nature of the Medical Emergency, Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, Unnecessary Bureaucracy, Unworkable Ideas — Tags: Marc Roberts — Ben @ 2:52 am
by Marc RobertsAdvertising campaigns to stop younger people taking up smoking do not seem to be working. Instead of throwing more money at various compaigns, increase the minimum age for buying cigarettes by one year every year. This way people who cannot legally buy cigarettes will never be able to and those who will not give up can happily continue to buy them.
This problem has a number of logistical problems. For instance, what if the age is raised on January 1st of every year, and someone has a birthday in the middle of the year that brings them to the minimum legal age? That means for six months of the year it’s perfectly legal for this person to buy cigarettes, and for the other six it’s not. That’s just stupid.
Secondly, people who want to smoke will get their cigarettes one way or another.
Filed under: Don't Worry About What THEY Want, Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me, I'm Keeping The Whole Class Back, I'm serious!, Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself, Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, What A Dick — Tags: David Varney of Lincs Prime Fresh — Ben @ 4:14 am
by David Varney of Lincs Prime FreshThese zones are an infringement of the rights of honest people to earn a living by contacting consumers in their homes. These zones are an over reaction to the minute, but tragic, incidence of “doorstep” crime. The agencies involved, Trading Standards, Local Authority, Police, should spend their time catching the perpetrators of this crime not stopping honest people from providing a service to local communities. Once again this is an example of this governments inability to cure the disease and taking the lazy option of treating the symptons to the detriment of innocent people.
What about the right to sit in your home with a cup of tea watching Countdown without having it interrupted by some git trying to sell you a set of steak knives, or a vacuum cleaner, or something? You’re not providing a service, you’re trying to sell something. If I need a set of all-purpose cleaning products I’ll bloody well pop down to Wilkinsons and buy some as and when the time arises, thankyouverymuch.
I don’t see you complaining about the Telephone Preference Service, or the Mailing Preference Service.
Filed under: "Making Britain Great Again", Anything I Want Should Be Mandatory, Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me, I'm serious!, So I Just Type What I Want Here And The PM Has To Do It?, Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful, There's Already A Solution But Don't Let That Stop You From Bothering The PM, Unreasonable Demands, What A Dick, Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?, Work Around My Delusions Dammit!, spelin an grammer — Tags: mr martin dawkins — Ben @ 7:18 am
by mr martin dawkinsand bring back family life
If you want “family life” just keep your family locked in the house on Sundays and play Scrabble or The Game Of Life or something. Alternatively you can let them get on with their lives as if Sunday were any other day of the week. Which, incidentally, it is. You pillock.