Posted by Ben @ August 6th, 2011 8:20 am. Filed under: ...Or Else!,Anything I Want Should Be Legal,Clearly You've Thought This Through,Commas,Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me,Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself,My Other Car Is Another Car,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,Really REALLY Bad Ideas,That'd Be Nice — Tags: Ben Spiller —
Apparently getting rid of that that twelve-second period of waiting at a crossing when there’s nobody there is absolutely vital:
by Ben SpillerThe Prime Minister should make an announcement saying that there are no cameras on any pelican crossings in the country. Then, tell everyone that if the light is on red, and there is nobody on the crossing, just GO! This would save Billions of pounds to the economy, increase our standard of life and reduce carbon footprint.
What, Ben, is your problem? Is your schedule so important that being held up by a red light for a fistful of seconds is enough to throw your entire day out of whack? Here’s some advice – if you find yourself at Pelican Crossing while there’s a red light and nobody waiting to cross the road, just take a deep breath, count to ten, then… ah, fuck that. Just write another angry note to the Prime Minister. Your inability to cope with minor delays is exactly the reason he got into politics, after all.
Posted by Ben @ April 21st, 2010 2:12 am. Filed under: Hanging's Too Good For 'Em!,I AM TALKING!,I'm Keeping The Whole Class Back,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,Reject Rednesday,Rejected Petitions,The Nasty Television Upset Me!,Thinking Things Through Is Just Not British,What A Load Of Bankers — Tags: Aleksands Halamins, Keith Jones, Mrs Theresa Thomas —
Have a petition. Hey, I’m feeling generous – have three.
by Aleksands Halamins (rejected)I am sick and tired of teachers using “sick pay” advantages not to come and teach at school. Moreover, we as a taxpayer finance these sick off days and instead we have to pay the supply teacher as well as the teacher who is “ill”. Making most state school teachers self-employed will make them realize that that’s the way it goes: if you don’t come to school to teach – you wont get paid, as simple as that! Making the teachers self-employed will have its own disadvantages, however as a self-employed you will pay less tax and also you could make claims. Making the teachers self-employed will improve their attendance. Furthermore, this decision will 100% improve education in BRITAIN!
Yeah! Teachers don’t come to school at all! All they do is lounge about at home watching Diagnosis Murder and raking in the cash. This’ll teach ‘em.
by keith jones of taxpaying pensioner with no political nor religious affiliation (rejected)Gordon Brown has created the worst financial situation in the history of people living on this island. There has to be some merit in considering what horrendous fate should befall somebody who has done more damage to this country than any other single person, living or dead.
Keith Jones there, politely asking the government to think about cutting Gordon Brown’s head off.
by Mrs Theresa Thomas (rejected)This is an official petition to have Frankie Boyle return to the quiz show ‘Mock The Week’. Frankie is an asset to the quiz show and British lives are not the same with out him.
The government have officially rejected your official petition, because it’s officially crap.
Posted by Andrew @ April 17th, 2010 11:14 pm. Filed under: In Which We Mock The Petition Site Itself,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,Rejected Petitions,The ePetition Team is a Confederacy of Dunces,Wait a minute... this isn't a petition! — Tags: Brian Riches —
I’m not sure what the rules are regarding what MPs and Parliament can and can’t do when Parliament is dissolved. I know MPs have rushed to change their Twitter names to ones without “MP” at the end so they can tweet during the campaign. I know MPs’ websites have frozen. And I know the ePetition website has replaced the ‘new petition’ form with a notice saying they won’t be updating.
So… why is it still updating? They haven’t approved a new petition since April 5th, but this monstrosity was rejected at 21 past midnight this morning (apparently):
by Brian Riches (rejected)recognise that the e-petition facility is pointless unless the Prime Minister and Government is seen to respond. Therefore the website should show the number of petitions received, the number the Prime Minister has read, the number where he or the Government has responded positively to the petition and the number that have been ignored. There should also be an end to platitudinous responses.
Because it’s the bread and butter of this blog, let me just quickly mock it.
Do you have any idea how long it takes to go through every single petition you bile-monkeys can vomit up every day? I do. Actually, it’s not all that long, because they’re so invariably worthless that you really only have to skim them. But even so I would rather the Prime Minister not waste his time reading drivel written up by self-important morons with no shift keys (unless the Tories win in which case I don’t want him getting any ideas).
Bonus points to the ePetition team for rejecting it as a “metapetition”.
Anyway. My point is that I don’t understand how rejecting petitions is any different to accepting them — they’re still published, and on exactly the same website. But then, anybody expecting Parliamentary procedure to make sense hasn’t read the response Parliament is giving to Freedom of Information Act requests during dissolution:
When Parliament has been dissolved there is no ‘House of Commons/Lords’ for the purposes of Part 1 of Schedule 1 to the 2000 Act, and there is therefore no ‘public authority’ to which the 20 day deadline under section 10 of the 2000 Act is capable of applying. The time limits do not, therefore, apply during the period of Dissolution.
The effect of the 2000 Act, including its time limits, resumes when the new House of Commons/Lords first meets.
“We can’t reply to your letter because we don’t exist, and if we did exist time has stopped, so we certainly couldn’t send you a reply even if we existed, which naturally we don’t. (This reply does not indicate that we received your letter or in any way prove we exist or the passage of time.)” Thankyou, Officer Todhunter.
In conclusion, you can’t get a peep out of the Houses if you want action or numbers, but they’re happy to continue rejecting people.
Ugh. This is like the high school disco all over again.
Posted by Ben @ April 15th, 2010 6:15 am. Filed under: Not Sure If Serious,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,Rejected Petitions — Tags: Mr Dave Ashton —
by Mr Dave Ashton (rejected)There has long been debate about whether the Jaffa Cake is a true cake or is a misnamed biscuit.
Since it has been scientifically proven that Jaffa Cakes are in fact cakes we believe it is time that the British public are educated to this important distinction.
We believe it is possible to wipe out biscuit/cake confusion within a generation given the neccessary funding and support.
Allow me to solve your dilemma:
It’s a cake.
Glad I could be of assistance.
Posted by Andrew @ February 11th, 2010 8:09 pm. Filed under: Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,The Nasty Television Upset Me! — Tags: Zara Gordon —
by Zara GordonFrom adverts such as "We Buy Any Car" to "Tool Workshop" me and many others I know feel that the songs that constantly burst onto our televisions many times a day disruptive and extremely aggravating.
I feel the same way about Hollyoaks.
And it’s Tool Station.
Posted by Ben @ January 21st, 2010 11:35 pm. Filed under: Couldn't If He Wanted To,I'm Keeping The Whole Class Back,Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,So I Just Type What I Want Here And The PM Has To Do It?,There's Already A Solution But Don't Let That Stop You From Bothering The PM,This Is The Worst Kind Of Discrimination! The Kind Against Me! — Tags: Paul Woodburn of n/a —
by paul woodburnI have been trying to find a job in IT (Information technology) for over a year.
I cannot drive and I cannot afford to learn to drive because I don’t have a job.
There for I cannot travel outside Manchester to work.
IT needs to be big in Manchester. After all this is where Alan Turing made his famous computers.
Or you could get a job in a different field, save up your pennies, and then move to an area with more IT jobs when you can afford it. I mean, y’know, it’s not the government’s fault you live in bloody Manchester of all places.
Posted by Ben @ December 21st, 2009 4:41 pm. Filed under: Clearly You've Thought This Through,I Sure Hope There's No Way This Can Be Misinterpreted.,I'm serious!,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,spelin an grammer — Tags: Mr Aaron Asphar —
Sometimes it’s entirely possible to see the point that ePetitioners are trying to make, but they make things so much worse for themselves by trying to rationalise things. I’m sure it’s all perfectly logical to them, but it just ends up making them look silly.
Case in point:
by Mr Aaron AspharThey say shoplifting is a crime; yet Asda alone send over 75,000 tonnes of food a year to landfile, because it is more profitable to over-order and dump the surpless then to run out of stock when sales exceed expectations. This is a crime on an industrial scale. Supermarkets should be made to offer their food to charities and customers for free 6 hours before the sell by date. They should also pay a substantial levy by the tonne for landfil. The environmental and social benefits would be vast.
Y’know, you’re right – shoplifting and disposing of out-of-date, surplus stock are comparable crimes.
Posted by Ben @ December 2nd, 2009 10:19 pm. Filed under: Nothing Should Ever Change!,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy — Tags: Ian Murray —
by Ian Murraywe are a multi country trading planet, yet dvd’s and games are not. In this day and age getting a dvd or game from the U.S. should mean we can watch or play it in the U.K. without restrictions
Region-free DVD and Bluray players are becoming more common and more affordable, while the games console market has slowly been shifting towards region-free consoles for some time. The PlayStation 3 doesn’t have any region-encoding on PS3 titles, and the only reason that the Xbox 360 didn’t have region-encoding is because at the time the console launched Japan didn’t have their own equivalent to PEGI or the ESRB.
So, y’know.
Posted by Ben @ November 23rd, 2009 10:15 pm. Filed under: Invading The Animal Kingdom,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy — Tags: Mrs Carolanne Eddy of Loghenge —
by Mrs Carolanne Eddy of LoghengeA memorial day for all to remember and celebrate pets they have loved and lost. In rememberance of the Whisper dog who died on this day and is truly missed by many around the globe for numerous reasons.
Posted by Ben @ November 19th, 2009 7:06 pm. Filed under: Hadrian's Firewall,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,Unworkable Ideas — Tags: Ms Erica Lewis —
by Ms Erica LewisOwners of these sites are vulnerable to hackers and impersonators. It should be made harder to set up a site and more security checks should be made to protect the identitiy and credibility of users.
Certainly.
Posted by Ben @ November 11th, 2009 4:07 am. Filed under: I AM TALKING!,I Have A Sense Of Perspective: Problems That Are Far Away Appear Small To Me.,I Pay Taxes So You Have To Do Anything I Say,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,Reject Rednesday,Rejected Petitions,spelin an grammer,That'd Be Nice,The Nasty Television Upset Me!,What A Dick,What A Load Of Bankers,Young, Dumb, And Online — Tags: James Harris, Jonathan Hall, kennerz of kennerz, Kimberley Petts of Fareham college, Ms S Winter-Smith, Theresa —
It’s Wednesday, and that means it’s time to pick at the Reject Bin and see what the British Government had too much common sense to allow the public to sign.
by Jonathan Hall (rejected)This elite ninja force (which should be named NINJA: National Interest Ninja Japanese-y Awesomeness) would take on most of the killing people-type jobs the armed forces have to do so they could concentrate on shouting at people.
I believe this would greatly reduce the government’s spending on defence, thus freeing up more money for education and health.
Brilliant.
(more…)
Posted by Ben @ October 19th, 2009 7:16 pm. Filed under: Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,Young, Dumb, And Online — Tags: Ryan Brucass —
by Ryan BrucassLegally you are not an adult until you are 18. So under 18s shouldn’t have to pay adult prices. Therefore we want it made illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to be charged an adult rate for entry to attractions, football matchs, cinemas etc.
Surely it’s easier to ask your parents for more pocket money than it is to ask the Prime Minister to make things a bit cheaper for people in your age bracket.
