Posted by Ben @ May 2nd, 2009 4:25 am. Filed under: ...Or Else! — Tags: John Malamatenios —
The Prime Minister has presided over the UK economy since 1997, yet we are currently facing the worst recession since the Second World War. His government bears some responsibility for failing to prevent this disaster. Labelling it as a global recession fails to accept Britain’s part, as the 5th largest economy and one of the world’s largest financial centres, in creating the crisis. We petition the Prime Minister to dispense with the customary caveat, accept responsibility and apologise for the damage he has caused to our economy.
Gordon Brown has been in power now for just under two years. I’m glad you’ve been paying attention to your Nation’s politics.
Posted by Ben @ April 6th, 2009 7:22 pm. Filed under: ...Or Else!,Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me,Invading The Animal Kingdom,Not actual justice -- just what I wanted. Which is basically the same thing.,spelin an grammer —
How is it an invasion of privacy when they’re taking photos of public locations?
I feel that all this media about SBT being aggressive dogs is wrong, as any dog can be harmful if there in the wrong hands. I feel that bringing in a law which says you must be at least 21+ to buy or own a SBT, could solve half the problems of them coming into the wrong hands. I myself have a SBT and she is the most loyalist, loving dog iv ever had, she is brilliant around my son. I couldnt ask for a better dog.
Because no one over the age of 21 has ever done anything nasty to or with a dog.
Posted by Andrew @ January 31st, 2009 9:01 pm. Filed under: ...Or Else!,I Pay Taxes So You Have To Do Anything I Say,I Want To Watch Sports For Free,Lies Damn Lies And Nonsense Statistics,Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself,Not actual justice -- just what I wanted. Which is basically the same thing.,Rejected Petitions,spelin an grammer,Stand Back! I'm Going To Try SCIENCE!,We Have To Save Christmas!,We The Undersigned Just Lost The Game.,What Would Idiot-Jesus Do? —
Brace yourselves. This is amazing:
The tradition of public houses in England dates back centuries. They play a vital role in social cohesion and the relaxation and de-stressing of the majority of people. Health studies show that a Type A personality, an inability to release stress, is a greater predictor of cancer than smoking. If the unintended consequence of the smoking ban is the loss of this vital safety valve the overall health of the nation may suffer.
It is a simple matter of legislation to achieve the benefits of non smoking and the benefits of the public house by offering a choice, a basic human right, to be staffed and frequented by those who choose to be there.
The Department of health’s figures on which the government supports its legislation are highly misleading. They focus on the benefits of compliance and disregard the psychological and social health benefits of the public house.
- 98% compliance only means we abide by the law.
- 76% of people in support (and even 55% of
smokers in support); This suggests 55% of smokers support the law while only 21% (76% – 55%) of non smokers do; a highly dubious finding.
- 87 % of businesses said …. only means the public abide by the law.
Oh, my God, you don’t understand anything. The attempt at mathematics is my favourite bit, but the criticism of the compliance statistic for not referring to support is a stroke of genius too. I feel like I have to invent about six new categories just for this one idiotic demand. Also, indulging your dangerous drug addiction in other people’s workplaces is not a ‘basic human right’, you utter dick.
In view of the government’s recent re direction of tax payers money
I would like part of my tax payers money to ensure that National team sport can be seen on terrestrial TV.
British sport should be viewable to all in Britain. Our children deserve it.
Viewing sport in this country should not be elitist
Bonus points to Fake Keith Jones for combining the usually separate categories of I Want To Watch The Football For Free and Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself. But mostly, shared for his delightful butchered phrasing ‘my tax payers money’. He has his own tax-payer.
We the undersigned demand the right to test each Taser on each individual police officer and the Home Secretary before each weapon is released to a FULLY TRAINED officer. We further demand that all officers to whom these weapons are released are fully trained to handle these firearms in order to avoid the abuses we have already seen both in this country and others where they are used. This is in order to reduce the demand for release of these weapons to under-trained and untrustworthy police officers by a Home Secretary who is never likely to be on the receiving end of one unlike perfectly law abiding members of the public who are constantly at threat from under-trained, lazy, or generally uncaring and incompetent police officers. This is not to defame all police officers, but power leads to abuse – it is a fact, and the public need protecting.
That would be ‘no’.
this is going to be epic fail 
.
It must be stopped!
Realistically, how likely was Brown to watch Dragonball Evolution anyway?
This version of the song is a disgrace to the word “music”. The whole programme has proved itself to be a vehicle in the destruction of credible music. Music stores should be forced to replace the above named version with copies of more credible versions, to include, but not limited to those by Leonard Cohen, Jeff Buckley and John Cale.
This would go right against the separation of morons and state.
We are, the celtic people, are tired of living under the Tyranny of the Queen and her goverment, we want to be free like we once were. We Want a Free Scotland, a Free Wales and a United Ireland, and wont stop until we have it!
Then don’t ask like a git. Have you seen the queen? She’d be a rubbish tyrant. Can’t even control her own family.
Due to the spirit of christmas vanashing we might as well make a token gesture every leap year. With a ban on decorations any where before the 14th December , especially in retail. We can then return to once a year when the season of good will and not commerce is recognized . Let’s kick the mighty £ out of Christmas.
Anyone?
It has come to our attention that the cessation of “the Game” shall only come into effect once the prime minister announces this on national television… As foretold by the prophecy handed down to us throughout the ages by the nameless ones.
Until then the disruption and frustration of near certain loss shall continue.
Not enough xkcd here.
Sceintific discoveries are now uncovering a link between psyche and disease. As this link becomes more apparent the government policy of using cigarette packets to advertise and promote disease will be recognised as misguided.
You’d have to be pretty determined to nocebo your way into dying of cancer.
Clearly, with a vote so resoundingly against Manchester’s proposed congestion charge, those who supported the yes campaign and the millions of pounds of wasted public money on the referendum should be held accountable. They are evidently so out of touch with the people they purportedly represent to deserve being removed from office.
I live in Manchester and the last people I want running the place are the cretins who make up the general population.
this petition is to try and stop retailers opening on boxing day
Because..?
We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to do everything in his power to exercise justice for responsible pensioners who verifiably paid their statutory dues during the working life through income tax, national insurance contributions, SERPS or private pension, but who are currently denied access to council tax relief, rent allowance and cold weather payments.
This petition recognises that the government exercises a threshold for access to social security benefits but urges the Prime Minister to review the existing ceiling in respect of responsible pensioners in the light of the spiralling cost of living and the hardship it is inflicting on these marginalised senior citizens who, having made voluntary provision for retirement, are now increasingly obliged to resort to using meagre savings to meet their statutory obligations.
This petition further urges the Prime Minister to consider exempting marginalised pensioners in their seventies, eighties and beyond from paying council tax.
Fair enough, probably, but I’m posting your petition because you’ve defined ‘justice’ to mean ‘what I want just now’. I have a category for that and I’m determined to use it because it’s a Peep Show quote. If you want something, ask for that. Don’t just generally demand ‘justice’ and expect everyone to know what you’re talking about.
Posted by Andrew @ January 6th, 2009 2:20 pm. Filed under: ...Or Else!,A Rose By Any Other Name Would Be Less Funny,Duelling Dumbos,Duplicate Petitions,Gibberish,I Want To Watch Sports For Free,Just Like That!,Not Government Business,Nothing Should Ever Change!,Rejected Petitions,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right?,We're British, Dammit! —
There are exactly 100 petitions in the feed since the last update, so let’s pretend they’re representative and call them ‘percent’. First of all, 17% were rejected, including this one, which claims not to be a joke:
We seriously believe that the public’s perception of bendy buses could be changed to a more positive one if the buses were to make accordian noises as they cornered. They would make cities a more cheerful place to live and work and attract tourists in their thousands.
This is not a humourous petition, we seriously think the government should consider this ideal policy during these bleak and depressing times to increase happiness and tourism.
Yeah, that’ll help.
1% of all petitions are presumably submitted by people who are tired of seeing dismembered corpses while masturbating:
In the wake of a high profile murder trial and the admission of a murderer to a murder in England. Certain newspapers have choosen to report and display pictures of the victims next to or opposite photographs of models designed to be sexually provocative.
One tabloid newspaper even advertised on the same page as the model that the murderer had committed 106 sex crimes.
This could be seen as degrading to victims of crime. Whilst encouraging the report of the crime to be looked on in a sexually explicit way.
1% of all petitions are just attempts to have the government do market research:
I am on a mission to build an indoor bike park like rays indoor bike park. but in england!
it will be built in watford/croxley
i need your petitions so that it shows that the site will not be a awaste of time and people will enjoy it.
1% of all petitions want to have their cake and eat it:
This money is urgently needed – Manchester’s transport is very poor, and saying you will only provide funding to improve the situation if a congestion charge is introduced amounts to blackmail. The best way to reduce congestion would be to improve public transport, and make it a viable alternative to the car, NOT a congestion charge!
1% of all petitions are threats which make no sense:
give back to the people a labour party that belongs to the people that made it labour means just that a party that looks after the working class not a second class tory middle blue collar vote salary orientated extortionists.who made you? not the pretenters but the workers who built this party by giving there lives go back to the roots,or you will loose
1% of all petitioners just love to be taxed. (An internet page, you say? Check and surely mate.)
1% of all petitioners believe that something being British is better than something being good, 1% of all petitioners Want To Watch The Football For Free, 1% of all petitions are unclear on what they want, and a further 1% hates them for their choice of terminology:
I say we should protect the British people from muslim extremism, we have a right to choose which faith we belong to, we need protection from certain individuals who wish to step over our rights, protect British heritage, protect our people and protect our freedoms.
How can the government expect to defeat terrorism when it is too scared to call terrorists ‘terrorists’ and instead favours terms such as ‘militants’, ‘extremists’, ‘insurgents’ or ‘radicals’?
The time has come to stop being afraid of offending certain people by using the term ‘terrorists’ when it is appropriate and instead show a strong firm stance to address the problem.
The need to be consistent is particularly important – stop being afraid to label Palestinian terrorists as such.
The war on terror is a noble cause. Please dont denigrate it by being politically correct – such a concession to terrorism does not help the fight.
And lastly, 3% of the petitions are asking for the same thing:
Royal Mail is a great British institution, and should be kept totally within the public service
Royal mail is now making money, so dont sell it off to private for profit while losing 50,000 jobs in the process, keep royal mail ,keep the profits and keep the jobs, it just makes sense
The Royal Mail is a uniquely British Institution, of which, we the citizens of the United Kingdom are proud. Neither all or part should be sold off to a Postal Organisation or Business in Europe or any other part of the World.
That makes 13% of all petitions that need mocking (unless I’ve missed some, which seems inevitable), plus 1% of petitions which are ironic because of the author’s name:
Since 2000 Israel has killed and wounded over 100,000 people and displaced many thousands by direct eviction (creating the Israeli Wall) or indirectly by sanctioning other Jewish elements (settlers) to take land forcefully. We are asking the British Government to live up to it’s promises on Human rights and stop the Israeli government by all it’s means (which so far have gone on deaf Ears) so Boycott is the only option left. Please all those with a moral conscience to protect human life sign this partition so that our government will do something.
You’re hardly one to talk.
Actually, that is pretty representative.
Posted by Ben @ January 2nd, 2009 7:31 pm. Filed under: ...Or Else!,I AM TALKING!,Just Like That!,So I Just Type What I Want Here And The PM Has To Do It?,spelin an grammer,There's No Time For Thinking!,We're British, Dammit! —
In 2004, the Hunting Act passed in UK Parliament. This meant that hunting foxes with hounds (unless used to flush out mammals from sets/dens/burrows) is now illegal. It has recently come into the public eye again, as before 2009; the High Court will define ‘hunting’ to clarify the laws. Since the ban, animal rights activists have been celebrating, but hunters have been battling to bring back the traditional English sport. Hunting is an exhilirating,exciting, and TRADITIONAL BRITISH sport. Give England back it’s sport. I believe that we should again be able to hunt foxes on foot or horseback, with the help of Fox Hounds, Beagles, Blood Hounds etc. We should use these dogs to do what they were bred to do, do what is in their blood, to pursuit a fox. This is Tradition. This is English.
The dogs were bred by humans, not by nature. Kudos to you for not trying to come up with some ridiculous, contrived reason such as “We’re flushing them out of our property!” (I’ve been on a hunt before, and when you’re going into public land and poking a foxhole with a stick you’re not really flushing them off of your property, are you?) but your reasoning is still bloody stupid.
For the thousands of workers made unemployed because of this credit crunch and reccession brought on by the governments inability to manage the economy. And could he do it before we are all repossessed and homeless
the money saved on maintainance on the lights alone should be a big saving plus the cost of the electricity used also people slow down and are more awear of there suroundings when approching the roundbouts making it a safer place to be when drive on the roads costs less to maintain, greener, by not having to wait at empty traffic lights thanks for your support steve
Stephen Clay has outdone himself not only with an utterly ridiculous suggestion – some junctions are simply too small for a roundabout, particularly in places like Luton or Pontefract – but also by using two different misspellings of the word “roundabout”. Kudos to you, Stephen.
The petitions raised here on the e-petitions website are written by us people and for us people, and are often blatently good solutions. However, even the blatent solutions aren’t being signed and therefore the government take no notice of most of the petitions.
If more people knew about this website, i think a more accurate number of signatures would be submitted.
The government should publicise this e-petitions website, encouraging people to have their say and sign for what is right.
Oh, Glod no. Please don’t let people know that the petition site exists. There are far too many morons using it already.
It takes up so much of our lives and we only live once. It can be very difficult, especially when the teach doesn’t explain it properly. Teachers complain when they give us homework and we don’t complete it because we were doing coursework!
Surely the better idea would be to abolish homework. Actually, that was a joke. Do you even know what school is for, Laura? No, probably not.
Posted by Andrew @ December 28th, 2008 7:05 am. Filed under: ...Or Else!,Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me,Not Government Business,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,Rejected Petitions,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right? —
Are you bored of foreign football players then sign this
No.
It was recently announced by The Times newspaper and some other sources that Top of the Pops was returning next year. It has also recently been announced later that the BBC doesnt currently have any plans to the bring the show back to BBC Television. Therefore this is a petition to urge the BBC to bring back the show which was axed in 2006.
No.
More details cannot be shown
No.
This is a petition from a number of McFly Fans who are fed up of hearing All About You played at every single gig!
It was alright the first few times we heard it…now this is usually used as the toilet/drink break on tour.
Quotes From Fans:
‘ALL ABOUT YOU MAKES ME WANT TO CURL UP INTO THE FEOTAL POSITION AND CRY’
‘we have to hear all about *beep* you, over and over and over and over. you can’t dance to it, you can’t even sway to it, what the bloody hell is the point of it?! haha’
‘people would rather hear a song from the new album rather than one which is played every single tour.’
‘It is Played Far Too Many Times’
‘Why can’t they just learn a NEW song and play that over and over again’
‘All About You is a buzz kill’
We are genuine McFly fans who pay a lot of money to travel over the country to see them on tour and at summer gigs.
We’re just fed up of having to hear the same song at every gig.
No.
With Utter disappointment of the last episodes of Stargate Atlantis us UK Viewers, Ending with some of the poorest story lines they need to make another 20 episodes, and to include the EVIL Asgards and wrap up some of the untied ends to some of the storyline’s.
No.
I am starting this petition to complain about the exit of John Sergeant from Strictly come dancing. It has become apparent that Mr Sergeant has decided to leave the show because he felt he didn’t deserve to be in the competition.
We as a nation are not as naïve as the BBC think and we do not believe for one second that this decision was made by John Sergeant himself. We are in no doubt that he has been forced out by the show’s organisers. If the organisers do not want John Sergeant in the show, they should not allow the public to cast a vote. He is being kept in the show by the public because he is a popular person. The show is not just about dancing skills, but also about entertainment and we as a nation find John Sergeant very entertaining.
We request that you ask the show to immediately reinstate John Sergeant and if this is not done, we will have no choice, but to start a protest outside the building of where Strictly Come Dancing is staged as well as outside the House of Commons.
No. No. And no and no. Also, no. (I think the only limit on these is the number of permutations of ‘john’, ‘sergeant’, ‘strictly’, ‘sargeant’ and ‘searegieaont’ in the URL field.)
I look forward to your protest.
It’s hardly a credible representation of a democratic society when each petition is "signed" by a handfull of people. Not one of these petitions have made any real difference. The majority in the country don’t use the site, so what is the point?
Yes.
Posted by Andrew @ December 27th, 2008 7:53 am. Filed under: ...Or Else!,Anything I Want Should Be Free,Not Government Business,Rejected Petitions,So I Just Type What I Want Here And The PM Has To Do It?,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right?,We Have To Save Christmas!,What Would Idiot-Jesus Do?,Why Should I Have To Go To Work?,You Know - We Haven't Banned Anything Lately. — Tags: Edward Manning —
Nobody seems to have got a petition approved in a while, so here are some recent rejections on a
My name is Katie Green. This year I won my dream job and was signed as the new face of Wonderbra. All my dreams had come true. I was following in the footsteps of one of my idols Eva Herzigova. I really respected her because she was the same as me a curvy size 12 girl and not the rakes we now see walking down the catwalk and plastered all over the media.
Then I had a massive knock to my confidence I was signed with a top London modeling agency and told to loose 2 stone, despite being 10st 5lb and 5ft 10ins, or say goodbye to a modeling career. I started to starve myself and managed to loose 7 pounds in 1 week. I was treated with no respect by this agency and decided I’d prefer to not have a modeling career instead of sacrificing my health and happiness.
Why should models have to starve themselves to have a career and why should the women of Britain be made to feel “fat” or “ugly” for being a size 10 or above. I think its time we finally put a stop to this. I am hoping for 20,000 signatures and then I will present this to Number 10 Downing Street and the Prime Minister.
“Say no to size zero”? Have you seen Gordon Brown? Seriously, you have to ask him to do something or else what’s the point?
it will cost hard working tax payers less in the long run then if i went on the dole which i will have to do soon if i dont find a job.
some of us would rather work then go on the doland im asking for a bit of help and with your signatures they will have to help me in some way
so please sign and help me get back to work after over 4yrs and now aged 29
THANK YOU
Do it yourself.
Who thinks with taxi fares, we pay too much; even to go to somewhere not far from that place you were picked up?
Who thinks it is ridiculous that the charge is £2.50p for the start of the drive?
They turn up at your house and drive you exactly where you want at almost any hour. They cost about four times as much as a bus. Yes, it’s expensive, but it’s a luxury and stop acting posher than you are, “Edward of Manning”.
Throughout the existence of the UEFA Champion’s League the football league, in their wisdom, have scheduled football league games to be played on the same night. This then in turn affects the attendances at these league games, with many supporters deciding to stay at home and watch the Champion’s League games on television. Surely with many Football League clubs suffering financial difficulties it would make sense to schedule the games when more people are likely to attend. We, therefore, ask the Prime Minister to speak to the Football League and advise them not to schedule midweek League games on the same night as Champion’s League matches.
Seriously. He’s the Prime Minister; he’s not your class representative. It’s not his job to talk to people for you. That’s your job.
This is a petition to make David Mitchell (Peep Show and Would I Lie To You) do a stand up comedy tour within the next year. He is one of the funniest people ever so he should be doing stand up comedy.
And if he doesn’t, prison!
We deserve an extra day off, so please make it a three day weekend!
I deserve an extra day off. You deserve a smack upside the head.
Ever since 2007 The BBC Has ruined the Pudsey Bear for CiN He is meant to represent damaged childhood (hence the bandage) while still being cute and a loveable image. Now he looks like a fat, creepy human-bear with a pair of knickers over his eye.
All this is true, except that what ruined Children In Need is the fact that it’s total unmitigated shit that nobody would put up with if they thought they could get away with pouring the scorn its dismal content so completely deserves onto a well-meaning charity fundraiser.
More details cannot be shown
Well I guess we’ll never know how to save the economy now. But judging by “of World order”, it’s going to involve at least one Jesus.
Many African preachers set up churches in the UK. There is growing concern that some never attended a seminary and bring a theology of accusing children of witchcraft resulting in abuse. We need to see a system of regulation. We need genuine and qualified Pastors having undergone proper seminary training and ordination by a recognised Church body. Please pass a bill to facilitate proper church registration and inspection.
Qualified pastors? What? People qualified in holding delusions? I think having the government say who is and isn’t allowed to preach religion is a desirable way to run a country.
Action should be taken to stop ‘political correctness’ – why companies i.e. Royal Mail calls Christmass Greetings Seasons’ Greetings???
We must preserve our culture and if somebody does not like Christmas than doors are open…
Are you suggesting we ban any kind of secular Christmas greeting? If you want the culture to be preserved, maybe you should let Muslims and atheists and agnostics and Jews and Hindus all join in with it. Just a thought.
Posted by Andrew @ December 14th, 2008 8:46 am. Filed under: ...Or Else!,A Rose By Any Other Name Would Be Less Funny,I Deserve Free Money Because Of The Credit Crunch,I Have A Sense Of Perspective: Problems That Are Far Away Appear Small To Me.,I Sure Hope There's No Way This Can Be Misinterpreted.,Not Government Business,Rejected Petitions,spelin an grammer,Stand Back! I'm Going To Try SCIENCE!,The Nasty Television Upset Me!,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right?,What Have Other People Ever Done For Me?,Young, Dumb, And Online — Tags: Keith Jones —
A accurate count is made and up dated to how many English are killed in England by being denied drugs and treatment which are available in Scotland for the Scottish.
The object of this is to find out who are the real enemies of the English. The Scottish prime minister and his Scottish chancellor or the extremist.
Do you think maybe we should invade?
I believe that Giles Clarke has by his actions brought English Cricket into disrepute, by allowing the England Cricket Team to take part in a game soley for monetary gain rather than seeking to develop and further advance our great game. Giles Clarke should seek to act as a guardian of the game, yet has allowed an individual to blatantly purchase our national team and has showed contempt and disregard for the rules of our great game. For this alone the Government should intervene and protect our national game from potential irreprable damage.
Nice to see one that isn’t about the football.
This petition is for people who think the BBC are in need of a long awaited cleanup the latest but not isolated of incidents by all those who thought it was a great idea to broadcast such derogatory material involving 4 humiliating telephone calls to an 89 year old pensioner and for all future incidents in the hope that all can listen and watch in view of the fact the majority are licence payers. The BBC do not have a petion page but you can voice a complaint to the BBC Trust.
You want to abolish Britain? What would we have instead? More France?
Why is it that when any other country is facing difficulties we send our hard earned taxes to bail them out.If we suffer hard times the government should help us first. Typical example £42 million pounds is now being sent to the congo,what about the people over here that are on the bread line,CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME.At this present time due to the recession people are losing their jobs and their homes,plus we have to deal with the fact of increased prices of food,gas,electricity and petrol.Further to this immigration is out of control,quite a few are not employed or illegal causing a drain on our countries resources
The life expectancy in DR Congo is less than fifty years and you think that petrol being rather expensive somehow absolves any obligation you may have to help out? How petty are you?
It was annouced BBC News that MSN/Hotmail was to close down due to a young girl of 8 being tricked into meeting a 34 year old pedoephile. This is not MSN/Hotmails fault. It is the LAW’S fault as the pedoephile is known. This is also at the fault of the little girls parents who have given her permission to create an account on the MSN/Hotmail site, but it is in there terms and condition that applicant must be over a certain age. Labour MP’s must have realised this and this is not the companies fault. it is the laws and the parents of the YOUNG child.
please reconcider.
If the BBC were really reporting this, and if this was really happening, and if it was actually government business, then clearly it would be US government business. Possibly McCabe can’t tell the difference between Britain and America. If so, it would half-explain why McCabe can’t spell ‘paedophile’.
To ‘earn’ is an adjective. BBC employees are ‘paid’ regardless of the levels of achievement, or criminal activity which results in the BBC Licence Taxpayer being required to pay their fines, therefore to say they ‘earn’ what they are paid is a gross misrepresentation of what is actually going on.
Your point about semantics would be taken more seriously if you knew what the verb ‘to adjective’ means.
Jasbir has lost his lines, Please ask him to FIND THEM!
Ask your mother.
I like my eyes with all their natural layers, they should not be burnt off by these stupid lights
What do you care? You’re blind.
The new and dis-improved recipe is a different cereal altogether. Both the taste and the texture have been changed beyond recognition
If anyone else feels strongly about this you should write to Weetabix at:
Consumer Services
Weetabix Limited
Burton Latimer
Kettering
Northamptonshire
NN15 5JR
England
…rather than bothering the PM with it.
A petition the government play Metallica’s One to all Intensive Care patients. This will allow them to gain insight into their condition and make informed decisions.
Careful. I read in the Mail how heavy metal in medical intervention causes the autism.
It is immoral that council taxpayers should have to pay twice when people they entrust with looking after their council taxpayer pounds get it wrong. There MUST be some accountability and responsibility among our councillors and the people they pay to give them advice, when it goes wrong.
Another winning idea from our friend Keith Jones. So that must mean that whenever the government makes a shrewd investment, ministers will get to tax you for the original large amount of money they needed and pocket the difference, yes?
Anything else you want, Keith?
Shit, we’d best stop messing with you.
Posted by Ben @ December 8th, 2008 4:25 pm. Filed under: ...Or Else!,Already The Case,Gibberish,We're British, Dammit! —
This petition is to ask the Government to introduce legislation to encourage UK based business’s to employ British Citizens in preference to EU and Foreign workers. In the same way that business are required to employ a percentage of their workforce from Ethnic minorities with the use of positive discrimination. We ask that in this time of economic turmoil, with mass unemployment on the horizon. Unemployed British citizens must be given the same positive descrimination rights. With some business’s in the UK now having in excess of 60% foreign labor making up their workforce, at a time when unemployment, among British Citizens, is growing this seem quite ludicrous. Foreign workers who in theory are earning minimum wage, if they are legal! Sending the majority of these earnings back to their country of origin. Foreign workers whom after a period of time are also entitled to benefits, such as family credit, Child support and access to NHS services. As a county now steeped in dept we can no longer afford this. Its time to back the people of this country in their time of need.
“Positive Discrimination” is still discrimination, you idiot.
The American people celebrate Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday in November, at the end of the harvest season.
It is a national holiday to express thanks for one’s material and spiritual possessions. It’s also a great excuse for a party with friends and family, in a month which is notoriously dreary, gloomy and dark.
Seeing as you’ve changed the clocks to make it dark earlier in the evening – couldn’t we do with something to look forward to in that long gap between Bonfire Night and Christmas Day?
Come on Gordon! Make a stand! Give us a special Thanksgiving day on the same day as the USA, and we can cement our “special friendship” with our American cousins by joining them in a non-religious celebration of all the good things in life and Turkey sandwiches.
Or, you could just cook a turkey dinner on Guy Fawkes Night and accomplish much the same thing.
Make the banks start lending Make the banks show their charges on bank statements Make the banks treat customers fairly
It’s three ridiculous petitions in one!
The Americans get all these luxury holidays, we get bank holidays here and there but I think one day per year we should have a whole day where VAT is exempt, where we don’t have to pay 15 – 17.5% tax on products we purchase, I think it would be a good idea and boost businesses.
I’ve lived in America now for a year and a half and I’ve yet to experience any of these “luxury holidays” Mr. Miller is talking about. And even if we did have luxury holidays, what the Hell does that have to do with having one day without VAT? I submit to you, reader(s), that Dan Miller is a few letters short of a Countdown Conundrum.
Posted by Andrew @ December 8th, 2008 3:01 pm. Filed under: ...Or Else!,Don't Worry About What THEY Want,Maybe... but not for THAT reason —
One problem with the petition system is that at some point someone is going to make a petition I totally support but pad the description with things I couldn’t honestly endorse. Then it’ll look like an unpopular idea, when in fact it’s just a badly-conceived call-to-arms. This is not that petition, but it’s close: I don’t support a total ban on tobacco sales, but it’s not as crazy an idea as this makes it sound:
The Government banned smoking in Public Places in 2007. This didnt take into account people’s leisure time in pub’s etc.By making this ban they are in fact saying the following, (extract from a previous petition ) On 14 February 2006, the House of Commons voted by a majority of 200 for comprehensive smokefree legislation which then came into force in England on 1 July 2007. Its implementation has been hailed as a huge step forward in public health. The scientific and medical evidence is very clear that secondhand smoke kills and that there is no safe level of exposure. This legislation means the health of everybody will be protected.
In July 2008, the Department of Health published the Smokefree England – One Year On report, which showed high compliance with, and growing support for, the law including;
· 98 per cent of all premises compliant and smokefree;
· 76 per cent of people in support (and even 55 per cent of
smokers in support); and
· 87 per cent of businesses said implementation had gone well or very well.
(extract only )
. THE GOVERNMENT THEREFORE ARE HYPOCRITICAL IF THEY CONTINUE TO REAP TAX BENEFITS FROM SALES OF TOBACCO PRODUCTS.
No, they’re not.
They’re saying ‘smoke if you want but keep it out of people’s faces’. This doesn’t make them hypocrites any more than their allowing coca-cola but banning you from randomly injecting it into strangers’ arms. (I assume there’s a law against that.) What makes them hypocrites is that they made an exception for the Parliament bars.
Posted by Andrew @ November 28th, 2008 5:51 pm. Filed under: ...Or Else!,Gibberish,I Am A Brain!,In Which We Mock The Petition Site Itself,Not Government Business,Rejected Petitions,The Nasty Television Upset Me! —
Is… is that a threat? And what the hell is an OTSBIPP?
We do not want Kerrang! choosing the bands to play at Download, Since they started fewer and fewer people have been wishing to go to Download Festivals, myself included, what once a dream would now be a punishment, I and many others have said we want Kerrang! out and have the general public vote rather than someone who thinks because it has guitars or a pretty frontman it should be at this Festival. Many people won’t stand for this and I have many people dying to sign this petition.
Are these people not aware that there are loads of just general petition websites out there and that those don’t work either?
To publicans and restraunteurs and all those concerned, who wish to encourage a strong economy and a strong tax economy by selling cigarettes to the general public under licence, of which this will be a national democratic success
I’ll get right on that! Just let me find my English-Moron Dictionary.
And lastly, an apology. I recently mocked someone called Paul Shakesby for petitioning the actual Prime Minister to get personally involved in a decision he disagreed with made by judges on the X-Factor. At the time I believed this to be well outside the government’s remit. I see now that I was mistaken. This from the Times:
The PM has been bombarding contestants on The X Factor with missives urging them to rebel against Simon Cowell’s strictures. …Mr Brown has become fascinated by its ITV rival which he sees as a model for “unlocking potential”. A weekly viewer with Sarah and their two children, Mr Brown has found the time to fire off no fewer than 12 letters during the current series.
Doesn’t that technically make him a crazy man?
Yesterday Spanish finalist Ruth Lorenzo revealed that Mr Brown wrote to her praising her for ignoring Cowell’s instructions to sing in her native language. …“He said, ‘Keep singing in English, girl. You’re doing a great job! Going against Simon’. It was great.”
Daniel Evans also received a motivational note that read: “Can I say that the next time Simon says that you are only supported by the over 60s, you can tell him that my wife Sarah and I disagree. Although you would be better off mentioning Sarah rather than me, as she is much farther away from 60 than I am!”
Gordon Brown is 57.
Sometimes I despair of this country, but then I remember that the alternative appears to be moving to America and I’m not convinced I can think of that as ‘better’.
