Posted by Ben @ April 16th, 2010 5:39 am. Filed under: Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me,Hanging's Too Good For 'Em!,I AM TALKING!,I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,Rejected Petitions,The Nasty Television Upset Me!,What Would Idiot-Jesus Do?,Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?,Work Around My Delusions Dammit!,You Know - We Haven't Banned Anything Lately. — Tags: Adam Carr, Joe McGurk, Michael Lee of Retired, Mr Dean Askew, Mr Francis Guidera, Mr Joseph Cornforth —
I guess the ePetition team has a backlog to get through, because there have been a ton of rejected petitions posted today.
by Mr Dean Askew (rejected)Celery is disgusting, please ban it forthwith!
This seems reasonable. (more…)
Posted by Andrew @ April 10th, 2010 1:30 am. Filed under: Duplicate Petitions,I Must Be Of Something,I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,Rejected Petitions,We The Undersigned Just Lost The Game. — Tags: Carl Roger Borresen of Nil, deanne, Mr John Smith, Mr Temptus Timus, Phillip Layton —
It’s getting to the point where I’m hoping these are serious because that they are separate attempts at humour is almost more depressing:
by Mr. Temptus Timus (rejected)As many of you know, there is a game circulating around the world that can only be stopped if the prime minister goes on live TV and announces the end of the game.
All this is asking is for the Prime Minister to go on TV and say the short phrase "The game is up"
It’s almost word-for-word identical to Philip Ford’s version, and I for one suspect that Timus is Ford, simply because nobody is called Mr. Temptus Timus.
(more…)
Posted by Ben @ April 5th, 2010 7:17 pm. Filed under: Gibberish,Hanging's Too Good For 'Em!,I Must Be Of Something,I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,Not actual justice -- just what I wanted. Which is basically the same thing.,Rejected Petitions,We Petition The PM To Climb This Wall Of Text,What A Load Of Bankers — Tags: Mark Johannsen of Myself —
by Mark Johannsen of Myself (rejected)Banks, Building Societies and Utility Companies can submit what they like to Credit Rating Agencies who then have the ability to sell information about individuals and companies. This could be as the result of a dispute or late payment. These bodies can submit information unchecked and not available to be scrutinised by the person or body they are dambing. Yet if you kill a 2 year old boy and throw his body on a railway track it is in the public interest to hide the killers identity. The crime these two boys commited was truly horrific, they were found guilty in a court. Big business can ruin people without a trial or any cross examination. 2 things need to be done .1 expose the murders protect them if necessary from vigilanties but don’t let them hide and 2 before companies put dambing information on Credit Reports the information should be scrutinised and the person accused should have a chance to put their point across.
There’s a lot going on in this petition, and it’s all shit.
Posted by Andrew @ January 25th, 2010 10:04 pm. Filed under: Apostrophe's,I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,Rejected Petitions,spelin an grammer — Tags: melissa lynn cook —
by melissa L cook (rejected)Child coustudy case. injustice that has been agreed upon in the Carroll County court system. i am a mother of 3 children.i work very hard and see to it that my children dont want or need for anything. I do not use drugs, alchole,theres no abuse nor neglect in our home.theres a tremendous amount love, joy,comfort,nourishiment,and engagement with my children.Based on aquaziations with no proof the courts have taken my 4yr old son. my family is broken and my children are ripped apart.Im an honest single mother for 13 months with no help from the farther at all and due to the anormous amount of bias and untruth they took my baby. you tell me im unworthy to raise 1 but worthy to raise my 7&8 yr old. please I need my us civil citizens to help make justice right. please call me [phone number]. My story is yours. My life is open to you all. E-mail:[email address]. Visit my home. my story is huge. For my family is broken. My children are seperated. HELP MY CHILDREN STAY TOGETHER. THE CHILDREN, MEREDITH 8, JOSEPH 7,and BABY BERNERD 4.
Posted by Andrew @ January 20th, 2010 8:42 pm. Filed under: Batshit Mental Rants,I Must Be Of Something,I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,I'm serious!,Oh Yeah? Let's See You Write A Better Petition!,Rejected Petitions — Tags: Martin Bjelland —
by Martin Bjelland Konstali of Human beings…!(rejected)
Hello Gorden Brown, maybe you know me!
Turn it off so I`m alone in my body again. Turn everyone off that would like to just be alone in their own body again. WE Pray WE Beg We hope! Please turn off this system that makes us communicate inside our minds. Be in other bodies and for me, I`m not alone in my own body, there are other people in my body, and it has to be turn off now! I`m Martin Bjelland Konstali! I live in Norway and would like you to know that I`M here to help! You can visit my INTERNET page and write me by email or call me every day 24-7. Visit my blogg and the web page can be found if you search my name on Google and look for the address to my blogg in the photo on my facebook account that is visible to everyone. All relevant information is on the blogg.A very honest hug from me. Best regards! Martin Bjelland Konstali.
His blog is most illuminating.
Posted by Andrew @ January 17th, 2010 10:46 pm. Filed under: I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,Rejected Petitions — Tags: Ex-Cllr Wendy M.Harbon[disabled] & Mr David M.C.Hughes[disabled] —
by ExCllr Wendy M.Harbon[disabled] & Mr David M.C.Hughes[disabled] of private citizen’s (rejected)We ask the Prime Minister agree to included in the Welfare Reform Bill, that new assistance dog benefits be provided, to help provide funding for assistance dog’s and animal’s costs, over their training and work lives operational costs. That is the MoD as part of War Pension’s Disability Benefit’s, includes a military assistance dog benefit, which is payable to British Armed Forces service personnel, who are disabled. That is the DWP apart of DLA Benefit’s, includes a civilian assistance dog benefit, which is payable to British civilian men and women, who are disabled equally.
by ExCllr Wendy M.Harbon[disabled] & Mr David M.C.Hughes[disabled] of private citizens (rejected)We are asking the Prime Minister agree his Government will look into and stop disabled discrimination and wrongful or illegal taking of Tax and Vat duties off disabled people, who are exempt from paying tax and vat duties on good’s and service’s for their disabilities, but provider’s of these good’s and service’s for disabled people’s own disabilities, have and are wrongfully and illegally charging tax and vat duties to disabled people who are legally exempt. We also ask the Government to agree to actually issue disabled people who are entitled to Disability Tax and Vat Duties Exemption, with a new type of Disability Tax and Vat Duties Exemption Card, with a personal Disability Tax and Vat Duties Exemption number on it etc. Which when buying good’s and service’s for their disability, they just present to a provider of good’s and service’s for their disabilities, this card instead of paying tax and vat duties, which would stop this type of disabled discrimination and wrongful taking of tax and vat duties from disabled people who are exempt.
by Ex-Cllr Wendy M.Harbon[Disabled] & Mr David M.C.Hughes[Disabled] of Private Citizen’s (rejected)We ask the Prime Minister to agree set an independent medical and legal aid insurance fund, for British Armed Forces personnel and/or their families, in case of they are Killed- and/or Wounded-in-the-Line-of-Duty in the service of the British Armed Forces. Which they and/or their family can access too, so they can employ independent advice and reprenstation, with regards deaths or injuries sustained-in-the-Line-of-Duty in the service of the British Armed Forces, so their own rights, interests and welfare is protected and looked after, with regards any claim for benefits, compensation, care/medical treatment, providing for disabilities, or dealing with the death of a love one, the likes of any legal hearing’s. Lastly to provide assistance or legal services with regards any knock on consequence which could happen directly and/or indirectly because of a servicemen or women was killed and/or wounded etc.
by Ex-Cllr Wendy M.Harbon[disabled] & Mr David M.C.Hughes[disabled] of private citizen’s (rejected)We ask the Prime Minister to agree his Labour Government will look into and stop disabled discrimination, by his own Labour Government, equally by all public and private organisations, against disabled people, who require the use of all approved Ethnic / Disabled Accessible Format/language System’s (E/DAFS’s) using Ethnic / Disabled Assistive Technology System’s (E/DATS’s). Also where necessary the British Government will take official and/or legal action against either public and/or private organisations, who are guilty of ethnic and/or disabled discrimination, over refusing to meet ethnic and disabled discrimination laws, with regards their own legal duties to provide all their own official paperwork, all types of communication’s and/or websites, in all approved DAFS’s and using all approved DATS’s to provide this too.
by Ex-Cllr Wendyharbon[disabled] & Mr David M.C.Hughes[disabled] of private citizen’s (rejected)We asking the Prime Minister to agree to allow local MP’s and/or local Mayor’s or Leader’s of local Councils, to attend Royal Military Families Remembrance "NAMES" Service at the NMA-Staffordshire, when local service personnel from their areas, have been Killed-in-the-Line-of-Duty in the service of the British Armed Forces, and now their names are being added and unveiled with all the other service personnel killed since 1947. Instead of just Government Minister’s (i.e. Minister’s from the MoD)at present, being the only politician present officially at these services, gives a one side political view and idea, to others the news media covering these services and therefore the general public. That only Minister’s of the Government of the Day, cares enough to go to these services, when in fact the MoD are stopping other Political Parties Politician’s, even their own back bencher’s and/or local councillor’s from attending it seems.
by Ex-cllr Wendy M.Harbon[disabled] & Mr David M.C.Hughes[disabled] of private citizens (rejected)We ask the PM to agree to change the rules, over who is and who is not entitled to receive The Queen Elizabeth Cross. As at the next Royal Military Families Remembrance "NAMES" Service at the NMA-Staffordshire, there will be families who have received this award and families there, who are not entitled to it. Though their relatives were equally were killed on military duty, but was not killed by either a terrorist act or by enemy forces in a war. However, these families of service personnel who were still Killed, who do have the right to have their names included on the memorial at the NMA. Their deaths are second rate compared to other’s who’se those families are being given Elizabeth Cross. If they are good enough to be included on the memorial at the NMA, then their families should be equally have a legal right to the Elizabeth Cross too. When there are over 16,000 names on the memorial at the NMA, though less than 8,000 families of these will be and are entitled, to be given The Queen Elizabeth Cross. This is out and out discrimination, which seems purely on the grounds of penny pinching and short slightness, on part of the Government, this is adding public insulting to grieving families.
Additional information about this rejection:
We have notice that you have sent several petitions with the title: Ex-Cllr Wendy M.Harbon[disabled] & Mr David M.C.Hughes[Disabled]. If the petition were accepted it would read: WE PETITION THE PRIME MINISTER TO: x-Cllr Wendy M.Harbon[disabled] & Mr David M.C.Hughes[Disabled]. As you can see, this does not make sense. We will readily accept your petitions if you make a statement calling for some action, in the space where you currenlty have your names.
Posted by Ben @ January 16th, 2010 10:43 pm. Filed under: I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,Rejected Petitions,We're British, Dammit! — Tags: clarke ward —
by clarke ward (rejected)It’s just something I was taught at school, that the Orb, Scepter and Mace meant power, order and control and this defines “Britishness”. It gives us the stiff upper lip that we are famed for.
…Alright then.
Posted by Ben @ November 28th, 2009 10:34 am. Filed under: Duplicate Petitions,Exclamation marks!!!!,I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,I'm Religious So You Have To Do Everything I Say,Reject Rednesday,Rejected Petitions,spelin an grammer,Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful,The Sad Clown,We Don't Take Kindly To Your Type Rahnd These Pahts,You Know - We Haven't Banned Anything Lately. — Tags: colin west, Jan Kozminski, Linda Homan, Miss Heidi Thomas, Mr Glen Robson, r gillespie —
This week’s Reject Rednesday takes place on a Saturday, because I want it to. So let us once again trawl through the ePetition site’s Reject Bin and pay heed to the braying and neighing of farmyard animals.
by Linda Homan (rejected)Please stop all migrants entering the UK. This includes our European partners. Residents from Europe should be allowed in at the rate of one UK person leaving – let in someone from Europe. This is a small island that is already overcrowded and we are facing huge unemployment without additional people. The argument that migrants help with work can no longer be used. We the British people are not prejudiced. However, if we are to remain the great nation that we have always been, we need to stop the madness that migration is bringing all over this wonderful country of ours!
Yes, because the “madness” going on in the UK these days is solely because of people clawing their way onto our shores like mindless zombies, hungry for the brains of employment, nourished only by the knowledge that the job they’re doing now has been stolen from a hard-working Brit.
The problem with people like this is that they’re complaining about immigrants taking our jobs in one breath, and then decrying “Benefit Britain” in the next. The irony of this is just sickening.
Posted by Ben @ November 4th, 2009 12:24 pm. Filed under: Can't someone else pay the tax?,I Am A Brain!,I AM TALKING!,I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,Not actual justice -- just what I wanted. Which is basically the same thing.,Nothing Should Ever Change!,Only joking!,Please State The Nature of the Medical Emergency,Reject Rednesday,Rejected Petitions,Thank You For Coming -- It's Been Very Useful,The Nasty Television Upset Me!,What A Load Of Bankers — Tags: Anthony Franks OBE of The Franks Family, Christian Dwyer, Colin Andrew Brown, JANET, Jim Hackett of none, mr iain musgrove, Paul Nosprout of Nosprouts, Richard McManus —
That’s right folks, it’s time for another slice of general ignorance!
by Christian Dwyer (rejected)I think it is unjust and unfair that we have no choice but to pay a television licence to the BBC but they only produce 4 episodes of the massively popular soap ‘EastEnders’ per week. This is probably the second most popular BBC broadcasting after the news. It is almost unanimous national opinion that there should be a new episode aired on Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays, where there currently is not.
Unjustified self-entitlement – it’s what Britain does best. (more…)
Posted by Andrew @ May 30th, 2009 11:55 am. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Free,Can't someone else pay the VAT?,I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right?,Why Should I Have To Go To Work?,Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children? —
It is absurd that upon the birth of a fourth child, myself and my partner’s housing benefit dropped due to the increased Child Tax Credits. I work a 44 hour week and all that has happened, rather than receive increased help with the new addition to the family, is that the increase in Tax Credits has been negated by the decrease in Housing Benefit, meaning our net household wealth has stayed the same, with a further mouth to feed. Child Tax Credits should be exempt from being counted as income for the purposes of Housing Benefit etc.
Stop having children you can’t fucking support, then.
Currently VAT on children’s clothing is charged for ages 14+. If like us you have a child who has always been off the growth chart since birth and is currently age 10, but having to wear men’s clothing and shoes, then you too will be having to pay VAT on clothing for a child.
As a general rule our children are becoming larger/taller than before and this current guideline is outdated.
It would be comforting to know that our Government took the age of childhood seriously and decided that a child is a child whilst being dependent upon its parents (and that children’s clothes are still not luxury items).
I sort of vaguely wonder if, at any point during typing the title of this petition, Mr Kings noticed the glaring logical hole in his idea.
Bonus Material:
Posted by Andrew @ May 20th, 2009 4:36 pm. Filed under: Gibberish,I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,Oh Yeah? Let's See You Write A Better Petition!,Rejected Petitions,What Would Idiot-Jesus Do? — Tags: Teresa Wright (and her best buddy Jesus) —
I’ve not used the ‘I Petition The Prime Minister To Your Name Here’ tag before, but I rather think I’ve used it to its full potential here:
it will be great if you sign because i really care about African children
Don’t click through to his postcode. That wouldn’t be nice.
I have no idea what this means.
These two clearly haven’t got the hang of petitioning — I mean, they’ve got the hang of obfuscatory nonsense, but they haven’t learned subtlety. Here’s one from the master…
The EU and UN do nothing to help christians who are murdered over their faith and put in prison.
Action is needed to help the suffering church world wide. We need to address to the world leaders about what is going on behind closed doors.
You can not excuse what is happing out there this abusive behaviour towards human rights. EVERY VOICE COUNTS AND WE WILL NOT BE SILENT OVER THE TREATMENT OF CHRISTIANS. THIS IS GOING ON TORTURE, RAPE AND IMPRISONMENT OF HUMAN BEINGS.
WHERE IS THE JUSTICE TO SPEAK UP AND STAND UP FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN DISTRESS AND SCARED TO DO IT FOR THEMSELVES?
That’s the stuff. Note the technique. An evocative but incredibly vague and misleading title, followed by an increasingly shouty rant underneath it. And to cap it all, a somewhat offensive dismissal of the suffering of people who don’t accept Jesus as their saviour.
Lastly, here are two people who have solved the MPs expenses scandal in the same way:
Posted by Ben @ March 2nd, 2009 9:24 pm. Filed under: Duplicate Petitions,I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,Really Epic Duplicate Petitions,spelin an grammer,What A Load Of Bankers,What's a Local Council?,Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?,Young, Dumb, And Online — Tags: Dee Murrell —
We’ve been a bit quiet the last few days. It’s partially because I’ve been busy plugging the first Jump Leads book, currently available to buy from Amazon worldwide. No idea what Andrew’s up to, though. He’s probably grinding some teeth (not his) into a fine powder and then testing them on… oh, I don’t know, Hobos or something.
Anyway, let’s get on with whatever it is this blog’s supposed to do. Don’t we post funny pictures of cats with captions or something?
Inroduce a five per cent (5%) pay cut on the 500,000 plus members of the Home Civil Service. Thereby setting an example to the rest of the country. This small cut would save the taxpayers a minimum of £500,000,000.00 pounds a year.
I’m not entirely sure why Mike is making this request, but the second signature on this one is fantastic.
Instead of all the parties wasting precious time and energy on scoring political points against each other – why not set up a coalition government (or at least all work together) so that all the best expertise can pull together; beat this recession and get the country back on its feet and help the people! Arguing between parties does not solve the problem – whereas all working together just might!
Great idea, but you’re petitioning the wrong country’s government, I think.
Oh look, Dee Murrell is back.
The preventable deaths of Baby P & all like him are a clear indictment of Britain’s failure to protect vulnerable children & too frequent over-lenient sentences for child abuse & related deaths convey that as a nation we tolerate such abuse & murder.
Effective measures need to be adopted to recognise & tackle child abuse at its earliest stages. Lord Laming’s recommendations excluded how Social Workers could better perform their jobs on the front line when visiting children at risk, where improvements & clear nationwide guidelines are urgently needed!
The ongoing abuse of a child culminating in their death is far worse than outright murder. So all child abuse related deaths should carry a discretionary life sentence & all participants are equally responsible regardless of who did the abuse & who allowed the abuse to go on unchallenged.
As a nation we wish to say that we will no longer tolerate these heinous crimes against our youngest & most vulnerable.
*Abuse includes neglect
Thanks for the footnote there, Dee. Really helpful. Also, haven’t you petitioned for this about seventy times already?
If banks are contractually obliged to pay exorbitant bonuses with money given to them by the taxpayers, then the Government should claim it back through the tax system, because, as everyone knows, bankers do not deserve to receive any money for their greed and incompetence.
Janet Holbrook there, reminding us that all bankers everywhere are evil – always have been and always will be.
I feel it is moraly wrong that vat is put onto common pain relief tablets, cold relief medicines, childrens pain relief, ie:Calpol. These medicines are readily available and give great relief to many people with everyday pains such as toothache, migraine, period pain, infants teething pain, keeping temperature down. Often after a visit to the doctor he may subscribe anti biotics but also suggest pain relief medicine that people have to buy. Also, vat is on ordinary everyday toothpaste, keeping clean teeth is important for good health, (can cause more serious problems within the body). Also vat on sanitary towels is not right, these things are not luxury goods but essentials. Transfer the vat to real luxury goods such as alcohol
Am I responsible for this petition? Indeed, when Marco van Beek suggested removing VAT from safety equipment I took it further using his own logic to include hygene products. Now it seems Janice has taken that to heart. Right then, let’s go ahead and try to stretch this out to its logical conclusion.
Aaaaand now the Government is broke. Nicely done, Marco and Janice!
Please encourage the powers that be to provide an Ice Rink for the people of Exeter – our museum is closed and there is not much for us kids to do! from Mark – aged 14
I am shocked, SHOCKED that there is a child in this day and age who is disappointed in the closure of a museum. Also, shouldn’t you be asking your Local Council, Mark?
CREATE A NEW ENGLISH COIN TO HONOUR ST GEORGE
And another one to honour Doctor Who, who has bravely saved our great nation from Daleks, Cybermen, Yeti, Gelth, the Wire, Autons, and many other beasties.
It’s a well known phrase among bikers… “Bikers Make Safer Drivers”. We would like to see the DVLA require all learner drivers to first pass the theory and road tests on a motorcycle or moped under 125cc. The theory test could be combined to cover both bike and car licenses, saving time and money, but the learner should be required to pass the bike/moped road test before being allowed in a car.
We believe that this approach would increase the threat and speed awareness of new drivers, and should have a tangible impact on the associated accident and fatality rates. We also think that it might help car drivers more aware of motorcyclists, a more practical solution than running television or radio advertising.
Mr Prime Minister, please do not back away from making the roads safer, even at political cost, it’s not worth people’s lives! This does not have to cost the government much time or money at all, it just needs political will. There will always be detractors, especially those who are scared of motorcycles. Let’s not let fear stand in the way of saving lives!
It’s a well-known phrase among bikers because bikers are bikers. They bike regularly, which is what helps them develop a better sense of road awareness. Requiring someone to learn how to ride a bike, and then force them to ride that bike well on one occasion only, isn’t going to instantly make every new driver in the UK safer by default. That’s just bollocks.
