Posted by Ben @ August 16th, 2011 10:18 pm. Filed under: Abolish This!,Anything I Want Is A Human Right,Anything I Want Should Be Legal,Are You Kidding? We Can't Afford That!,Clearly You've Thought This Through,Hanging's Too Good For 'Em!,It Says So In The Daily Mail,Join the Fight Against Nebulous Bad-Sounding Things!,Nobody Else Deserves Free Money!,Really REALLY Bad Ideas,Stop Spending My Money On Things I Don't Understand.,These Kids Today With Their Modern Haircuts And Hippetty-Hop Music,Unworkable Ideas,What Have Other People Ever Done For Me?,Work Around My Delusions Dammit!,Xenophobia — Tags: Alan Young, David Moss, mark predeth, Peter Stephen Andrews —
Time for a short collection of lunacy. Where shall we begin? Oh yes, with the person who wants to be able to bludgeon unwanted house guests to death with a roaring oar:
by Alan YoungThe law regarding self-defence should be altered to make explicit that a householder is entitled to use any and all measures against an unlawful intruder within their home without fear of prosecution or any requirement to demonstrate proportionality or ‘reasonableness’ of response.
I am inexplicably reminded of a bit from Terry Pratchett’s “Hogfather” (I’ll quote from the TV version, here):
Lord Downey: You nailed Sir George’s dog to the ceiling.
Teatime: I couldn’t have it barking while I was working, sir.
Lord Downey: Some people would have drugged it.
Teatime: Oh! But I definitely fulfilled the contract. I checked Sir George’s breathing with a mirror, as instructed.
Lord Downey: Apparently his head was several feet from his body at that point.
Teatime: That was all right, wasn’t it, sir?
Lord Downey: It lacked elegance.
Right, what else have we got?
by mark predethWe the undersigned call on the government to restrict immigration to the United kingdom to a fixed numer of 50000 people per year and no more
Why?
by Peter Stephen AndrewsI would like the death penalty brought back. I’m sick of soft sentencing. I’m sick of criminals scoffing in the face of the law, our country and communities!
Wrongful convictions though, eh? Rather difficult to pardon someone you’ve just injected with poison, isn’t it? That is to say nothing of this very valid point.
by David MossThe government needs to stop paying people child associated benefits once they have had two children. Not only do more tax credits have to be paid, more child benefits but also housing benefits, NHS costs for birth and through life, education costs etc etc. Stopping benefits after 2 children will make people think more carefully about having large families and their huge tangible and intangible burden on the state. They will no longer be incentivised to have a lot of children, get more benefits and never work. More worringly this culture is passed onto the children and they adopt the same approach until it becomes totally unsustainable.
“Sorry Susan, but as your father and I just lost our jobs and the government will only pay child support for two of our children I’m afraid you’ll simply have to starve to death.”
Posted by Andrew @ March 31st, 2011 10:43 am. Filed under: Nobody Else Deserves Free Money!,There's Only One Form So It Must Be The Right One — Tags: Sally Metcalfe —
So the Government, showing the same approach to running the country as small children do to large projects, have ditched their latest crowd-sourcing initiative — was it ‘your freedom’ or ‘spending challenge’ or some such? — and launched a new one. And, as per their characteristic extravagant form of austerity, they stubbornly refuse to just pick a backend and run with it, so the “Cabinet Office Innovation Launch Pad” is powered by something called ‘spigit’.
Anyway, as with all the other ones since the ePetition site closed, this new one is focussed on only one goal, in this case as a way for companies to pitch business ideas they think will help the government save money. Sort of like a public-sector Dragons’ Den. But as we all know, the British public won’t sit by and let some nanny-state website apparatchik dictate to them what they can and can not submit, so they have simply phrased their petitions in the form of a business pitch and got on with the job of vomiting reactionary nonsense into their computers:
by Sally Metcalfe
31/03/2011 08:36 AM GMTWe all know that the UK has a reputation for being “easy to get benefits” and many Governments would like to change/reform it. I believe that people claiming Jobseekers Allowance should be required to undertake voluntary work in order to qualify to get the benefits. The type of voluntary work projects which could be arranged are limitless, with countless charities and PUBLIC SERVICES that need help. Not only would it give unemployed a sense of self-worth, but they could gain valuable skills and references to enable them to gain meaningful employment.You wouldnt need a heirarchy of Managers to operate the scheme,just the Managers of charities/services to confirm attendance, commit to support the individual. The benefits to public services could be endless, beach cleaners, groundsmen, painters and decorators, assistance for the elderly, social support services, teaching assistants…..the list is endless and could save the public purse hugely.
Just an idea!
Yep, you’re onto a winner when you’ve contradicted yourself two words in. It’s voluntary, except that you have to do it and you get paid. You have invented jobs. Congratulations.
Posted by Andrew @ December 1st, 2010 10:39 pm. Filed under: I AM TALKING!,I Deserve Free Money! — Tags: HI I'M GARY PAUL —
I’ll be honest, “Small Businesses – Your Problems with Procurement” is not the most entertaining public consultancy exercise the government has ever undertaken. But nevertheless,
GARY PAUL says:TOO MUCH RED TAPE,AND ONE DEPARTMENT NOT SPEAKING TO ANOTHER,PHRASE”LEFT HAND NOT KNOWING WHAT RIGHT HAND DOING” SPRING TO MIND,BIGGEST PROBLEM IS BANKS NOT LENDING TO SMALL BUSINESS,GRANTS ARE NEAR IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND,ITS WORSE IN SCOTLAND,GOVT AGENCIES ARE NOT MUCH HELP,DESPITE WRITING TO GOVERNMENT FEEL SO LET DOWN AS WANT TO START BUSINESS AND CANT GET FUNDING!!!!!
Posted by Andrew @ April 1st, 2010 7:55 pm. Filed under: Don't Worry About What THEY Want,I Deserve Free Money! — Tags: Mr Ed Harris —
by Mr Ed HarrisWomen take up more nhs resources than men, live longer and draw more pension than men; therefore they should pay higher national insurance than men.
This seems fair.
If they didn’t want the extra expense they should have just been men like me and Mr Ed did, although in his case it’s technically called a stallion.
Posted by Ben @ February 15th, 2010 9:39 pm. Filed under: I Deserve Free Money!,Not actual justice -- just what I wanted. Which is basically the same thing.,This Is The Worst Kind Of Discrimination! The Kind Against Me!,Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children? — Tags: Ms Susan Corcoran —
by Ms Susan CorcoranIf you receive Working Tax Credits you are not entitled to claim even though your total household income may be less than this. Parents who work are under much greater expense due to travelling to work etc. and are therefore being financially penalised for working.Anyone on any other benefit can claim as long as their income is under £16040. This injustice needs to be put right.
Ah, the inflated sense of self-entitlement that comes of being a parent in the UK with a poor understanding of why exactly the unemployed actually receive benefits.
Also, that’s an oddly specific amount of money.
Posted by Ben @ February 12th, 2010 9:25 pm. Filed under: I Deserve Free Money!,I'm Keeping The Whole Class Back,What A Dick,Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children? — Tags: Richard Wood —
by Richard WoodMany parents put their children through privately funded schools. Whilst this is an independent choice of those involved, by doing so they reduce the burden on the state education system. Therefore this petition aims to allow parents to gain tax relief for their choice by allowing them tax relief on payments made in relation to school fees. Under existing arrangements parents and guardians are currently taxed for services which they do not benefit from.
You don’t benefit from them because you’ve opted not to. And how does asking the government to give you some money back reduce the burden on the educational system? Where do you think your rebate would come from?
Posted by Ben @ February 9th, 2010 11:06 pm. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Free,I Deserve Free Money!,spelin an grammer,This Is The Worst Kind Of Discrimination! The Kind Against Me! — Tags: mr james marr —
by mr james marri have been charged, £115 on one month ,then the next month ,i am c £68, where is the fareness,the banks know im on benifits,yet there charge system is over the top,the bank is one you bailed out ,lloyds tsb,i personaly have had to do with out food and heating ,is that fare ,
As you can also see, Mr Marr has also had to cancel the English lessons he so sorely needs. Not to mention a new keyboard.
Posted by Andrew @ February 1st, 2010 8:39 pm. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Free,I Deserve Free Money! — Tags: Edward Manning —
by Edward ManningFor those with special needs should be able to have free access into all attractions and places to visit so that it helps them with their budgeting, helps them be more active and they have a more enjoyable life and know that there are places out there for them to enjoy without any fee.
All the government need to do is see if this would be a possible thing with all the attractions/companies and places we visit and say it is for the benefit of those with special needs. Also to think, the government could also look at those with special needs having a card/pass that entitles them free access.
This I believe would also help those with special needs living independently manage their money and have more freedom!
If this could ever be considered as a new rule for those who suffer with special needs, this would be a great thing for those and help them so much with money management.
Possibly, in one of his endless and near-identical petitions he has mentioned it, but I don’t off-hand remember whether Edward Manning has a dependent with special needs or if he himself has special needs (although the quality of his prose is not entirely silent on the issue). But the point is that he appears to spend a worrying amount of his time petitioning the government for such people to be given almost everything for free which other people have to pay for. His other petitions argue against ATM service charges, demand cheaper food and taxis, or ask for cash prizes for quitting smoking.
We have now featured eight of Mr Manning’s petitions on this website, and seven of those have been nothing more than him trying to wrangle free stuff out of Gordon Brown. Three of these have illogically played the ‘special needs’ card.
If you’re reading this, Edward Manning, allow me to clarify: you are not entitled to free stuff.
Posted by Andrew @ January 31st, 2010 2:36 pm. Filed under: I Deserve Free Money!,Rejected Petitions — Tags: Ian Miller —
by ian miller (rejected)By submitting a petition, do the creators know that they may be influencing or even creating government policy?
The government are using this system to boost the policy units ideas, no doubt as they are bereft of many themselves.
Its an excellent idea, getting people involved, however, its also using them on the cheap.
How much does the goverment pay its policy devisers, its special advisers and closest confidants?
Lots of our taxpayers money, lots and lots indeed.
So, pay us, the real policy creators, for the decent petitions we write, as we are the thinkers and do the work, too.
don’t you think that’s fair, or is this country not fair?
And wear a tie, dammit.
Posted by Ben @ December 29th, 2009 8:31 pm. Filed under: Clearly You've Thought This Through,I Deserve Free Money!,Please State The Nature of the Medical Emergency,This Is The Worst Kind Of Discrimination! The Kind Against Me! — Tags: Mr S Miller —
by Mr S MillerI am disabled, get £90 per week in benefits, yet because I do not get income support, I have to pay for prescriptions, at £7.20 per go. If I get 2 in a week, that is nearly 1/3 of my total money per week. Some, not all retired have savings in excess of 100s of thousands of pounds, and ex beatles and Rolling Stones members are entitled to free prescriptions purely because they are over 65, yet are very wealthy, some reputed in excess of 100s of millions. So I plead to decency to make ALL benefits means tested, its illogical and unfair for people with millions to claim free charges, whilst some with little have to pay. For a fairer society this MUST happen
I love the assumption that because the surviving members of the Beatles and the Stones are old enough to get free prescriptions then logically they must be doing so.
Posted by Ben @ December 23rd, 2009 6:07 pm. Filed under: I Deserve Free Money!,I'm Keeping The Whole Class Back,spelin an grammer,There Their In They're House,Young, Dumb, And Online — Tags: Gabriella Alberti —
by Gabriella Albertito be honest i dont think it is fair for people that have families that earn over £30,000 cant recieve ema for there children, if people are paid for going to college i still think everyone should by the goverment
Listen, people: If you’re going to write a petition to the Prime Minister that is in some way connected to the educational system, for the love of God, The Devil, and Bob could you at least get the spelling and grammar right in your ridiculous, overinflated-sense-of-self-entitlement requests? If not for me, then for yourselves?
Posted by Ben @ November 18th, 2009 10:40 pm. Filed under: I Deserve Free Money Because Of The Credit Crunch,I Deserve Free Money!,spelin an grammer — Tags: Angela Cameron —
by Angela CameronInstead of handing over money directly to the banks, pay into each taxpayers rent, mortgage or savings account an equal amount of money.. the money will encourage joe public to spend, will still aid the banks & will kick start the economy! win.. win.. win!
No it won’t. They tried the same thing over here in the US last year and it didn’t work.