Right to Life for Unborn Children

by AndyCC
on July 03, 2010 at 01:01AM

Someone decides to have sex, they should live with the concequences. Abortion should be banned for all social economic reasons.

Life is a sacred thing, whether you believe it is from God or not, people these days think that you just pop-out of the womb on the day you are born, but it starts before that within the womb.

If people disagree with banning Abortion for social economic reasons, could they please explain why it is differnt to killing a 5 year old because they are not an Adult yet?

Abortion is just legalised mass murder, wrapped up to make everyone feel good about it.

Why the contribution is important
Why should an innocent unborn child be murdered simply because of a “bad” choice to have sex?

Why should the taxpayer pay for this? And for the clumsy decisions of others not to use protection?

The legalisation of abortion should be repealed.

by ngreer
on July 06, 2010 at 11:51PM

Why the contribution is important
The right to life is a fundamental human right. The unborn are human. At the moment of conception they become, by any reasonable definition, human. They are genetically members of the species homo sapiens, and between that moment and birth, there is no clear dividing line when a change occurs. If there is no clear dividing line, then no change occurs (if it is illegal to kill at some precise moment and not before, that must be because a significant change occurs at that moment).

It follows that to kill the unborn is murder, and the clear denial of that unborn child’s right to life. We will not execute murderers and rapists because of this principle, but we will inflict a particularly brutal killing on defenceless, innocent children. This is unnacceptable in any society that aspires to be civilised.

let’s ignore all of the bollocks pseudo-science and half-arsed presumptions in these petitions and jump to the crux of the matter: making abortion illegal.

What about where protection is used? What about rape? What about incest rape? What about instances where the baby won’t survive childbirth? What about instances where the mother won’t survive childbirth? What about where the baby will be born without a brain? Or, rather simply, what if the woman simply isn’t ready to be a mother? It’s her body, her choice, and she shouldn’t be forced into motherhood against her will, be it because she was attacked in the park or because she just doesn’t want to have kids.

Even taking all of these variables out of the picture, making abortion illegal isn’t going to help. The women that want abortions are still going to find ways of getting them, being it going abroad to somewhere else in Europe where it’s still legal. Or, if that’s not an option, they’ll seek out a “back alley abortion” where statistics show they will, in fact, wind up dead.

So, long story short, it seems AndyCC and ngreer hate women, they don’t think a woman is entitled to ownership of her own uterus.

Why don’t people in the UK get foreign aid, eh Gordon? It’s discrimination is what it is.

End "The Game.".

by Mr. Temptus Timus (rejected)

As many of you know, there is a game circulating around the world that can only be stopped if the prime minister goes on live TV and announces the end of the game.
All this is asking is for the Prime Minister to go on TV and say the short phrase "The game is up"

It’s almost word-for-word identical to Philip Ford’s version, and I for one suspect that Timus is Ford, simply because nobody is called Mr. Temptus Timus.

We’ve had a few petitions from people who’ve left out all the spaces in the title box, or written their own name in there, or written “Gordon Brown” as if the idea was that you have to specify which Prime Minister you feel best placed to evaluate your ideas, or whatever it was that this was supposed to indicate:

goverment.

by deanne (rejected)

I think that social workers should have the same power as a police officer, whereas ploice officers can search a resident so social workers should be able to aswell, if they are worried about a certain situation.

…but this may be the greatest failure to understand the role of the ‘title’ field I’ve seen yet:

http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/new.

by Phillip Layton (rejected)

This petition is to say no to the introduction of any compulsory dog insurance. We believe that the overwhelming majority who own dogs are responsible owners and should not be penalised by the few who are irresponsible.

That’s right, Phillip Layton has entered the URL of the ‘new petition’ form. Luckily his body text is more informative, which is better than Carl Roger Borresen of Nil managed:

Carl Roger Borresen.

by Carl Roger Borresen of nil (rejected)

be fair to everyone, what is good enough for the goose is good enough for the gander.

Mr John Smith is furthering political debate in this country:

wear an eye patch, a tartan cap, and a ginger wig for public appearences.

by Mr John Smith (rejected)

since the PM is a one eyed scottish idiot, this would suit him (and be quite funny as well!) Oh and resign while he is at it.

(By ‘furthering political debate in this’, of course I mean ‘a’.)

This petition was rejected not because it’s clearly batshit bonkers mad insane, but because “It was similar to and/or overlaps with an existing petition or petitions”. Like this one.

Posted here:

• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/PianoLive/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/PianoLife/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/PianoTime/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/4Pianos/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/Fish4Piano/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/JustPiano/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/PianoBrown/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/LostPianos/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/Pianoinyourroom/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/Pianosecret/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/PianoScent/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/Pianobrain/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/PianoDemParty/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/Pianopetition/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/Pianoplayers/
• http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/Piano4all/

make it law that parents are accountable and responsible for thier childs actions, and could be prosecuted. If there child breaks the law.

by Mrs Emma Casey

I ask if possible that new laws make it so that parents are solely responsible and accountable for their child’s actions; I ask to bring about proper parental responsibilities. Where parents would be prosecuted along side there child if their child broke the law. Mother/Fathers have a “duty of care” to raise their children with morals, ethics and a decent ethos instilled in them, if they fail there parental responsibilities then the parents’, should be equally responsible for what their child has done or does. This is what our society is lacking.

Not only is this a patently ridiculous petition (“solely responsible”? What, so the kid gets away with it while their parents serve time?), but we had more or less this very idea suggested not three days ago. And it’s popped up several times over the last year, too. One has to wonder whether the ePetition Team are taking their admittedly rather pointless job seriously. I mean, you’ve gott have pride in your job, even if your job does entail thumbing through the public’s batshit insane ramblings on a daily basis and making the least-worst ones signable by other batshit insane people.

Or it’ll be the British government putting weapons in the hands of convicted murderers and rapists. I can’t say I particularly approve of that.

amend ballot papers and parliamentary procedure to allow and facilitate an individual the legal right to vote No Suitable Candidate on a UK ballot paper.

by Mr. C. Baker

The option to legitimately select No Suitable Candidate would be available for anyone eligible to vote in the United Kingdom. The object of voting No Suitable Candidate is to allow a true representation of public opinion whilst being constructive. Based on the principles of allowing the majority to make decisions effectively and efficiently, while ensuring fairness towards the minority, this voting option gives an individual the right to voice an opinion. In such a case where the No Suitable Candidate were to receive a majority of the vote cast a variety of formal procedures may be invoked which would include beginning the election process again with the original candidates excluded. The petition is made with No party agenda or political bias. Support is sought in the interest of treating the public fairly, especially by those that seek to govern us.

introduce in the forthcoming UK election, and for all future elections, a ‘Vote of no confidence’ box should be added to the ballot form/slip.

by Steven J. Grimwade

We the undersigned put forward the proposition that in the forthcoming UK election, and for all future elections, a ‘Vote of no confidence’ box should be introduced to the ballot form/slip. This would allow people who wish to exercise their right to vote but see no clear distinction between the existing parties, or just wish to voice their discontent at the current state of politics in this country, to register their democratic opinion. In the past various parties have blamed low turn-out to the voting polls on ‘public apathy’. This may not be the case. We believe the ‘Vote of no confidence’ box would remove this ambiguity, allowing the government a clearer perspective of the public’s changing attitudes, while also granting the hitherto silent voice of those wishing to abstain from voting for a particular party, to be heard.

Fucking Hell, people. Let me explain this to you so you can go back to watching Jeremy Kyle: Elections are not opinion polls. You are not being asked which of the candidates you like more than the others. You’re being asked to pick the candidate that you believe would be the least-worst at running the country. If you truly don’t want to vote for any of the candidates, you can simply stay home when the polls are open. That way you get to throw away your vote and stay in and watch Doctors.

And to the government’s ePetition admin team: What the bloody Hell are you doing? Your job is to make sure shit like this doesn’t happen. It’s bad enough you approve a petition like this once a month every month like clockwork, but to approve two near-identical petitions on the same day? What the fuck are the government paying you for? Do you know what your job is supposed to be? Does anybody know?

What a bunch of fucking rocket surgeons.

Ban adult porn channels from Freeview.

by Kevin Chapple

As Freeview is a service that is beamed into more or less everyone’s home now I ask the Government to shut down the Adult channels that run late at night until 5.30am. The channels are not only a money making scam but by what is shown corrupts minds. I am especially concerned about children in their rooms up in the early hours watching this. Writing to Ofcom they tell me 3 of the channels are licensed by the Nederlands and 2 regulated by Ofcom. It is about time action was taken against these channels now before we end up with dozens of them.

So strongly, in fact, that he submitted two petitions about it.

Ban adult porn channels from Freeview.

by Kevin Chapple

Freeview tv is hosting adult porn channels which automatically tune in to everybodies home from midnight to 5.30am There are now about 6 of them running with models hardly leaving anything to the imagination. I am concerned it can corrupt kids in their bedrooms up late as well as adults. I ask that these money making scams be taken off public Freeview tv

I think the real loser here is the government’s ePetition administrators. Well done, team!

Limit Cars to 70MPH.

by Tobias Haynes

This is a petition to limit cars to 70 MPH; Why are cars made capable to do high speeds reaching 120MPH etc when our laws clearly state 70MPH is the Maximum possible throughout the country?

Lorries and other vehicles are limited and forced to obey limits… Long gone are the days where nothing could be done…Technology makes limiting cars possible. A nut and bolt is all it takes. A minimum cost saving countless lives, freeing up our hospitals from constant RTA’s and a mass reduction in motorway Road Rage, tailgating and “Motorway Bullying”. People are afraid to use our motorways. Cars are constantly dangerously driving on our motorways being continuous hazards and nothing is being done! In 2008 49% of Cars exceeded the 70MPH speed limit-15% travelling above 80MPH! This is unacceptable! Our government must take account of this and something must be done! It is a simple matter simply resolved!

Car insurance costs would decrease, “boy racers” and speeders would decline (if not disappear!), new statutory offences could be created making offences for attempting to remove limiters or driving without a limiter etc.

Please sign and make a difference- Make our roads safer!

Thank You

…and this petition:

Limit Cats to 70MPH.

by Tobias Haynes

This is a petition to limit cars to 70 MPH; Why are cars made capable to do high speeds reaching 120MPH etc when our laws clearly state 70MPH is the Maximum possible throughout the country?

Lorries and other vehicles are limited and forced to obey limits… Long gone are the days where nothing could be done…Technology makes limiting cars possible. A nut and bolt is all it takes. A minimum cost saving countless lives, freeing up our hospitals from constant RTA’s and a mass reduction in motorway Road Rage, tailgating and “Motorway Bullying”. People are afraid to use our motorways. Cars are constantly dangerously driving on our motorways being continuous hazards and nothing is being done! In 2008 49% of Cars exceeded the 70MPH speed limit-15% travelling above 80MPH! This is unacceptable! Our government must take account of this and something must be done! It is a simple matter simply resolved!

Car insurance costs would decrease, “boy racers” and speeders would decline (if not disappear!), new statutory offences could be created making offences for attempting to remove limiters or driving without a limiter etc.

Please sign and make a difference- Make our roads safer!

Thank You

Stop spending tax payers money on other countries when our own is in dire straits !!!.

by Barbara Steffensen

People of this country are already taxed to the hilt. They do not need to pay more tax so that Britain can be seen to be a leader in world events. Charity begins at home. We need to take care of our own British people first before looking at other nations, especially considering the debt we’re already in.

I’ve raised counter-points to this argument before. Simply put: What happens to large families who are legitimately in need of actual benefits? Do they just allow the “excess” children to starve to death?

I tell you what. You come up with a proper system, and demonstrate it with slideshows and diagrams and everything, and we’ll have a look at it. Because right now all you’ve sent in is a bunch of utter nonsense gibberish.

be proactive in taking all steps necessary to secure the release of Paul and Rachel Chandler from pirate kidnappers in Somalia.

by Laura Fellowes

Paul and Rachel Chandler’s kidnap took place near the Seychelles on a boat at gunpoint. The British government have said they will not engage in agreements for ransoms. This is two peoples lives, their families, and the next innocent travellers this will happen to. Are the British Government really doing everything they can to help the Chandlers?

No, they aren’t. And given the circumstances, that’s exactly what they should be doing for reasons I’ve already stated.

And finally, two people who, I’m guessing, are vegetarian:

Introduce a tax on meats.

by MR Hngshin Devendra Dsramy-Williams of University of Oxford

It’s obvious that meats require far greater amounts of resources to produce than vegetables. Their environmental impact is also correspondingly greater. Given the need to reduce our aggregate consumption of increasingly scarce resources, it therefore makes sense to provide incentives for people to reduce their consumption of meat – via a tax. This should shift consumption to better foods like fruits and vegetables, which should also improve peoples’ health.

Raise taxes on the meat industry.

by Adam Welch

Scientific studies have proven that the meat and dairy industry produces MORE greenhouse gases than all of the world’s transport and aviation combined. In light of this, the government should tax the meat industry (including farmers, slaughterhouses and butchers) just as heavily as it taxes motorists.

But meat is delicious, so you lose the argument by default.

I can never understand why people seem to think this is a good idea. How is a “None of the above” option in any way good? Surely it’s a waste of time to get up, start the car, drive to your polling station, wait in line and then tick a box that basically say “I’m not voting”. You could probably stay in and masturbate two, maybe even three times.

Give Smokers Money For Cigarettes.

by Mr Jamie Ashford

Alcoholics And Drug Addicted People Get Money, Smoking Is An Addiction Too, Smokers Should Get Money

No. Sod off.

It’d be hypocritical of me to point out the people complaining about the 50p broadband tax and then turn around and say this idea here is ridiculous. That being said, cyclists account for a virtually negligible amount of wear and tear on city streets. £10 seems disproportionate to the amount of damage we’re doing, especially when you consider that one car alone pumps out twelvety-thousand billion billion yards of greenhouse gases a day. Possibly I am exaggerating.

And while I’m on the subject of the broadband tax…

Stop the broadband tax.

by Leigh Favell

Why should we have to pay another tax to improve broadband speeds when we already pay tax on broadband.

BT have said the money raised wouldn’t come near to their estimates of the cost to get broadband to all homes.

Well that’s just because BT like to grab money, which explains those Direct Debit fees you also like to complain about.

Linda Homan.

by Linda Homan (rejected)

Please stop all migrants entering the UK. This includes our European partners. Residents from Europe should be allowed in at the rate of one UK person leaving – let in someone from Europe. This is a small island that is already overcrowded and we are facing huge unemployment without additional people. The argument that migrants help with work can no longer be used. We the British people are not prejudiced. However, if we are to remain the great nation that we have always been, we need to stop the madness that migration is bringing all over this wonderful country of ours!

Yes, because the “madness” going on in the UK these days is solely because of people clawing their way onto our shores like mindless zombies, hungry for the brains of employment, nourished only by the knowledge that the job they’re doing now has been stolen from a hard-working Brit.

The problem with people like this is that they’re complaining about immigrants taking our jobs in one breath, and then decrying “Benefit Britain” in the next. The irony of this is just sickening.

Ban Robbie Williams new song Bodies from being sold as it is against Christianity.

by Miss Heidi Thomas (rejected)

At first i loved the song as it seemed to be believing in Christianity, but after listening to the song till the end i became disgusted, outraged and hurt after Robbie sang the words ‘Jesus didnt die for you’!!!!! I can not express how hurtful this is as it is untrue and completely against Christianity. I do not get how this song has been allowed to play because if this song was against Muslin then there would be no way it would be allowed to play. I have sadly had to listen to people singing only this ‘catchy’ bit which ‘happens’ to be at the end of the song. As a Christian it is my life mission to make everyone believe that Jesus did die for you i am deeply saddened by this song and hates how Robbie, a respected artist has chosen to sing this song and how the British public could begin to believe what he says!

colin west.

by colin west (rejected)

get the goverment to work for british people not british people to work for the rest of the world

Alright then.

Pass a law whereby pedestrians must wear swimming goggles outdoors when it is raining.

by Mr Glen Robson (rejected)

Due to the effects of global warming the rain falling from ours skies is becoming more and more polluted. The wearing of swimming goggles would prevent rain to eye penetration; which could cause temporary blindness, thus making it very dangerous for the pedestrian who intends to cross. This would invariably reduce the number of people being knocked down by motor vehicles whilst crossing roads/streets. The reduction of accidents would have a money saving affect on the emergency services and alleviate some of the pressure on our, already over stretched National Health Service.

This was rejected because the ePetition admin team believed “It was intended to be humorous, or have no point about government policy”. I’m not so sure, myself.

reform the petition system.

by Jan Kozminski (rejected)

The whole thing is being brought into disrepute when nearly a third of petitions have only 10 signatures and but a hundred or so ever reach a thousand. It doesn’t serve to strenghten the democratic process, it weakens it. Please formulate some rules so that petitions really do become genuine petitions not just a “letter” signed by a few people.

Hang on, your argument is that the petitions on the petition site aren’t actually petitions because some petitions have more signatures than others?

And finally, this is a petition I’m sure plenty of people would gladly sign, although not quite for the reason outlined by the petitioner:

Make all forms of “Twilight” by Stephenie Meyer.

by r gillespie (rejected)

After reading about Twilight fan attacks and Twilight related suicides, I am starting this petition online to garner attention to said attacks and suicides, and wish to ban these books because of these events.

I, the starter of this petition am not a witness to any of these events and have no proof of them, however, I have links to those who are, and will share those here: http://tinyurl.com/c83yxs .

The link provided is to an account of a fangirl attack in the UK (presumably in high school), this event happened on February 2nd, 2009.

This petition is to get these books banned anywhere possible.

I tried the TinyURL, and it takes you to a nonexistent thread on a forum called Twilight Sucks.

Poor guy. He takes this so seriously.

We’ve gone over this before – it’s 50p. All that means is you get to yam one less Kit-Kat in your gob every month. Can you really be so hard-off that you can’t make do without that extra £6 a year?

But it’s not your property. It’s theirs.

increase research into hydrogen feuls in car manufacteurers and fill up stations.

by Mr Christopher Bristow

to combat climate change by the introduction and eventual change over of an alternative and non polluting feul of hydrogen gas.

reduce the uk’s CO2 emissions by 20% by a gradual switch over to hydrogen fuel as a fuel for motor vehicles.

by Christopher Bristow

more than 20% of uk CO2 emissions are produced from the nations car exhausts. The thought behind this petition is to advise the government to create a bigger incentive to car manufacteurers in producing hydrogen feul cell cars and to feul stations in providing hydrogen fill up points, to the eventual event of a switch over to hydrogen cars when a growing trade produces as if not more efficent hydrogen car than the standard petrol and deisel cars.

As pointed by Robert Llewellyn, who is famous for playing a square-headed robot in a sitcom and is therefore an expert on such things, hydrogen power actually expends more energy than is collected. You have to use a ridiculous amount of electricity on rather a lot of water to get a halfway decent amount of hydrogen and that, to me, seems rather wasteful.

Consider having serious trouble making youths at secondary school to be considered for National Service.

by Mr Alan Mann

This may help and / or stop the violence that is currently happening in the UK with respect to other people’s lives. If this was compulsory then it may even make them think before some of their atrocious actions. Incidentally if this became a prerequisite, this law may be helping out more than one person in the future.

Sigh. I need to see a doctor. This isn’t healthy.

(Sidenote: I like to think that Mr Alan Mann is that gormless fella from Little Britain who went into a toy shop looking for a pirate memory game suitable for children between the ages of 4 and 8).

But anyway, here it is:

allow free access to Stonehenge and other national monuments of Pagan interest.

by Nigel Paddon

(Renewal of petition by Moira Stirland)

Pagans across the country have to pay or have only limited/restricted access to ancient Pagan sites of historical and religious interest such as Stonehenge. We call on the government to recognise that members of the Pagan faith should be allowed access to their places of worship in the same way that members of other religions are allowed to.

Additional – UK Census 2011. More visible lobby group.

Except Stonehenge isn’t a church or a mosque, is it? It’d hardly be fair if Pagans were allowed free entry but every other bugger had to pay. And how would you prove you’re a Pagan in the first place? Wear a pentagram? Bring your Book of Shadows with you? Come dressed in your robes? It wouldn’t bloody work, and the only reason the National Trust can afford to do a lot of the reconstruction and maintenance work they’ve done over the years to charge admission.

Sigh.

You seem to have forgotten a fundamental piece of information when considering your otherwise sterling idea, Tristan. I’ll leave you to figure out what it is.

Whether you like it or not, television is a luxury. If you can’t afford it, don’t have it. It really is as simple as that.

Return all none British born people to their country of origin.

by Jessica Wilson of Citizen (rejected)

I would like a Law passed to enable this to happen, i am fed up of ethnic races moving to Britain and expecting us to conform to their religion, education etc, if they cant abide by they way we live and our Laws, send them back to where they originally came from.

More after the jump.

let the public decide how our tax is spent.

by marc mcfarlane of hgv driver (rejected)

we the public show say how our tax is spent it should be for the british people only no one else. not foriegners, we dont get it in there country so why should they get it here, i am britsh and i pay tax and insurance, but the government is giving it to everyone who comes from abroad. should not be allowed.

What a global man you are.

make muslims respect their host country.

by Allan Howard (rejected)

If muslims want to take advantage of all the freebies they are happy to scrounge from UK tax payers then make them conform to British values, traditions and customs.

Wow. In other news, the URL for this petition is “Britishnes”, which I can only assume is some kind of UK-exclusive Nintendo console released in the 80s that I didn’t previously know about.

Distance ourselves from the USA.

by Mr McCormick (rejected)

The special relationship between the United States and the United Kingdom must be toned down. We are too close to the United States and must become more independent when it comes to foreign policy.

Yeah. Britain and America are getting far too hot and heavy. They need to back off a little, learn to be happy being on their own for a while. Figure out where their heads are at. Maybe travel around Europe for a while, experiment sexually… Hang on, I feel I’ve deviated from the original analogy somewhere.

Oh, it looks like we missed the 1st anniversary of the launch of But, Sir…, so happy birthday us.

Sigh. The old “Self-inflicted shit shouldn’t be paid for by the NHS” argument again. Been there, done that, torn it apart, referred to the people touting is as a Good Idea as dicks. Next!

Ban early Christmas advertisments.

by James Barker

Currently we are seeing advertising for Christmas starting as early as September or October.Which in my opinion is an utter disgrace and is nothing but commercial greed and the exploitation and abuse of a greatly loved and respected religious occasion. Therefore, why can’t the Goverment at least consider bringing in a code of practice or legislation whereby,advertising for Christmas does not begin until the beginning of December. (Just like they do in many countries on the continent) Surely that’s got to be a better solution, than the commercial greed fest we’re forced to witness ever earlier, every year.

(As originally submitted by DH Herold)

limit Christmas themed advertising in the media to no earlier than 6th Nov each year.

by Ian Mansfield

Advertising in the media based on Christmas themes is felt by many people to be appearing earlier each year. Apart from the usual annoyances expressed when such adverts can be seen as early as the middle of October, it can also put pressures on families at uncomfortably earlier times.

The date chosen would also result in media advertising being more focused on the earlier festival of Halloween and the Bonfire Night celebration – two events which are now increasingly subsumed by Christmas advertising. The delay on advertising would assist in reintroducing variety into the winter season festivities.

This legislation would in no way impinge on the press’s freedom of speech, and should not cause a significant impact on advertising revenues as advertisers can be anticipated to concentrate their Christmas spending within a shorter timeframe.

The legislation would not seek to define which messages are Christmas themed, as such matters can be address on an ad-hock basis by the existing ASA.

I honestly don’t understand why this annoys people so much. It’s advertising. It can be tuned out. Consider yourself lucky you don’t live in America, where at this time of year you can walk into a supermarket and, I shit you not, buy a Halloween tree. With ornaments. Then I have to put up with Thanksgiving crap for the better part of a month, and I happen to think that celebrating the casual genocide of a race of indigenous people is far worse than celebrating the birth of a baby whose only real significance is that he might have been conceived in part by a magical space wizard.

I envy your early Christmas, I really do.

[Full credit for the post title goes to Andrew, who said more or less that in a comment on a petition we posted earlier in the month.]

We have more or less already had this conversation and the idea was deemed to be rubbish.

This “idea” pops up every now and then, and in all honesty it’d be a waste of ink. Especially when you can achieve much the same effect by staying in and watching Diagnosis Murder come voting day.

Hang on, you’ve dithered from “never keep dogs on leashes” to “let dogs off leashes once in a while”. Y’know what’s more irresponsible, though? Letting your fucking dog run off on its own to piss, bark and gnaw on whatever and whoever it wants.

Hey, guys! Guys! Listen to this: “Antony Turd”! Hahahahahahaha! I know, good isn’t it? I just thought of it. It’s funny because he’s a narrow-minded little turd who refuses to lives in the 21st century!

Oh, well that’s that then. C’mon lads, let’s dismantle all of those climate research groups. Some guy on the internet says it’s a load of nonsense!

No. Fuck off. Stop suggesting this.

Ah, the wonderfully dicky “compulsory service” suggestion resurfaces once again. Do fall in a well and die, will you? Jolly good.

This is at least the third petition I’ve seen asking for exactly this. And every time I provide a list of other things that everybody needs to do, and a list of other items that we could take VAT off, and in so doing potentially cripple the Government’s financial income. I’m not going to do that again. Instead, I’m just going to post a picture of a sad clown.

No it wouldn’t. It’d be a waste of ink on the ballot. If you decide not to vote, you can do so by simply not voting.

Silly. Where do you put your trolley full of groceries while you pop into the Booze Emporium? Mm? Nowhere, that’s where.

What you mean to say is, “I’m fed up of hearing some kid whinging and crying while I’m trying to play Tetris on the in-flight entertainment system.” Also, kids have been flying for years. Why now have we decided that we have to check everything for potential risk?

I’m not going to comment on this petition, but rather call attention to the person who’s signed their name as “We are top of the food chain,so tough.”

Also, I’m almost positive that this petition is a duplicate.

There are quite probably hundreds of petitions, most of which have been rejected, all asking the Prime Minister to resign. How on Earth did this one get approved?

Oh well. Now that’s out of the way hopefully we can move on to some sensibly crazy petitions.

Or not.

Yeah, no, I’ve always wanted to get into beekeeping, but the extortionate price of the equipment has always been a barrier for me.

I don’t see why the Prime Minister should be forced to end a debate that’s been raging on in the scientific community for decades. How is that his job?

Calling attention to this one not because I think it’s particularly crap, but because of the single signature left by someone who… well, they’re a bit of a dick, aren’t they?

All I see is words here. Good luck to anyone who tries to read this petition.

Or you could call your local Police station. Most telephone line providers these days don’t even bother to charge for local calls.

This is a very sensible option. In Bizarro world.

It took me a few reads to work out exactly what Sir Mark was asking for, here. Now I get it – everyone has to have no less than three practical driving tests before they can get a license. Which is stupid.

How did this one get through? Surely it’s a duplicate petition. Oh well. Hey Teresa, quick question for you – if life begins at conception does that mean people should be allowed to drink from the age of seventeen years and three months?

This is such a mind-numbingly, bowel-burstingly awful idea. I can only hope this petition is some kind of bad joke.

It certainly isn’t good for yours, is it? How is 12 weeks out of 52 more time out of school than in? And do you know how to use There, They’re and Their?

Yeah!

Or, maybe we could just allow them to go live someplace else if they want.

After having his last petition rejected, Joseph Chikelue Obi has had another go. Unfortunately, it’s still a really dumb idea.

I cannot understand why anyone would think that submitting an advert as a petition is a good idea. I’m pretty sure Gordon Brown could get a visa on his own — and that he does indeed know where Turkey is.

Or maybe he’s a lunatic.

I definitely think that any time a band fails to release the best song on an album as a single it is time for government intervention.

Not only is this a ridiculous idea, but it’s one that the anti-abortion crowd would love to jump upon for obvious reasons.

No, the ultimate gesture of goodwill is when Virgin Media agree to refund your Late Payment charges provided you Never Ever Pay Your Bill Late Again. Also: this is unworkable.

Actually while our taxes may pay for the construction of the leisure facilities most of the money they use to fund upkeep and maintenance comes from us paying to use them.

Oh, not this again.

You don’t seem proud enough of them, however, to suggest a name, date, or logical reason for this arbitrary additional day of remembrance.

I wonder if the people who make these petitions actually visit the ePetition site with any regularity? There are half a dozen identical petitions already on the site. It astonishes me how you can post two petitions with different wording within a week of each other and get them both authorised and on the site.

Edward Manning is a crusader for… for something. I’ve noticed he words every single one of his petitions as a “who thinks…” question. For instance:

I’d write a humorous comment but the three or four people who’ve signed it have beaten me to it.

Yeah, I’m fed up of seeing empty Eminem rappers left laying around all the time. Let’s Nanny State this country up a bit!

I’ve never understood the notion of having pride in one’s country. You can’t decide what particular bit of rock you were born on, so why take pride in the fact that circumstance and geography led you to being born on a tiny damp little island near France? I don’t understand the idea of having pride in one’s flag, either – you didn’t design it, you didn’t make it, you didn’t have any involvement or say in its shape or pattern. It is, at the end of the day, a rather nice bit of material. You’d no sooner hang a tablecloth or a bedsheet on a pole outside a school, so why fly a coloured bit of material? Because if it’s to remind people of what country they live in I think they probably already know.

Having grown up in a Pagan household as a child I can say with some knowledge on the matter that there’s nothing in “the Pagan belief” (and you’re pretty naive if you’re assuming that there’s just the one flavour of Paganism) that says Registry Offices are… are… are whatever you seem to think they are.