Posted by Ben @ March 8th, 2010 9:33 pm. Filed under: I Want To Watch Sports For Free,That's SO UNFAIR! I HATE YOU!,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right? — Tags: Richard Garland —
I’ll never get tired of using lyrics from Adam & Joe’s “Football Song” as the title for petitions to do with football. Anyway, here’s a self-entitled whinging bastard’s bastard’s bastard.
by Richard GarlandI think it’s a disgrace that to watch the likes of the English Premier League football matches, that we have to pay a ridiculous fee to a large corporation. I’m not saying that every match should be free, but on average there’s mostly at least ten matches a week in the Premiership, why can’t even one of those matches be given to a free channel? It’s ridiculous that certain companies appear to have a monopoly on this, why can’t the government intervene, and tell these companies to either stop being so tight or face sanctions? It’s simply nothing short of price fixing because they know fine well there’s no competition. Football should be for everyone.
Posted by Ben @ February 11th, 2010 8:50 pm. Filed under: I Want To Watch Sports For Free,That'd Be Nice,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right? — Tags: Patrick Hackett —
by Patrick HackettI think that the government should put a limit on the number of football tickets sold to executive members of football clubs, as at the moment most tickets to cup finals are being sold to executives, who have no real support for the club, and real fans of the clubs are getting no opportunity to attend these matches.
This is important!
Posted by Ben @ October 16th, 2009 2:45 am. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Free,I Want To Watch Sports For Free,NOOOOOO!!!,spelin an grammer,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right? — Tags: mr mark cosford —
by mr mark cosfordTo back our national game and using the b.b.c which the tax payer pays for screen all England football matches free live on b.b.c 1 / b.b.c 2. Paying to see our national sport on sky the internet or in a cinema is a crime.

Posted by Ben @ October 7th, 2009 8:33 pm. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Free,Hadrian's Firewall,I Want To Watch Sports For Free,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right?,What a Baby — Tags: david russell —
by david russellWith the recent charges for internet viewing of the England Football Game, i feel that the government should withdraw all funding that is currently given to the FA due to the fact that they are not being fair to the English people

Posted by Ben @ October 7th, 2009 8:03 pm. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Free,Exclamation marks!!!!,I Want To Watch Sports For Free,spelin an grammer,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right? — Tags: Andrew Gaff, Russell Jones —
Sigh. It must be that time of year again.
by Russell JonesPlease insist that all national games whether it be Football,Cricket Rugby etc be available to the masses possibly on the BBC the station we pay our licence fee for !!!!
by Andrew GaffFor the first time in history an England football match is going to be broadcast via the internet and not on television. Not every one has the internet and certainly people don’t want to watch on their computer. This is our national sport and should be available for everyone to watch free on the BBC.
I believe my previous statement of “For fuck’s sake” summed up my thoughts on this matter nicely.
Posted by Ben @ October 6th, 2009 7:46 pm. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Free,I Want To Watch Sports For Free,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right? — Tags: Mr Daniel Granger —
by Mr Daniel GrangerNot having the chance to watch our international football team play a football match of this magnitude on tv is, in my opinion, an absolute disgrace. This match and all other matches involving England should be available for the general public to watch at no cost other than the TV license.
For fuck’s sake.
Posted by Ben @ June 18th, 2009 12:58 am. Filed under: I AM TALKING!,I Want To Watch Sports For Free,Uncategorized — Tags: Mrs Sandra Foy —
Stop this disgraceful sellout of most all of the nation’s top sporting events. The Ashes should be available for everyone to watch. It would never happen in another country so why are you our government allowing this to go ahead. GET THIS CHANGED NOW WE THE PEOPLE DEMAND IT!!!!!!
“It would never happen in another country”? I live in America and I assure you that it most certainly would.
Posted by Ben @ April 3rd, 2009 6:39 pm. Filed under: Gibberish,I Want To Watch Sports For Free,Sorry, What Was I Talking About?,spelin an grammer,What's a Local Council? — Tags: Anita Clark —
The windswept concrete streets of Leeds need trees planting not only to reduce the wind patterns in the areas, but also to break up the concrete fabric of the streetscape.
Planting just a handful of seeds would, in a few years, really improve the quality of Leeds’ streets, and be a green blessing to the younger generations of the city.
Speak to your council, you dunder-headed ninny.
Ticket prices for football matches have now risen to the extent that many average football fans have been priced out. To now deny these fans the opportunity to watch their national team play is unbelievable. Putting the national game on channels such as setanta, where an expensive suscription is needed further pushes football into the realm of those with sufficient funds. But this goes beyond the realm of simply money. Football and sport has been a great part of British culture and patriotism for generations and denying the vast majority of the British public the opportunity to watch the national game in simply immoral.
Immoral, you say? Well fuck me. Who knew watching a bunch of grown men paid to shepherd a bit of leather into an outdoor cupboard* was so ruddy important?
(* I’ve very blatantly stolen this rather accurate description of football from the brilliant comedian Bill Bailey. This is because it’s late and I’m too tired to come up with my own jokes. Rather similar to Guido here, who was clearly too fucking lazy to search for one of the thousands of identical petitions asking for Exactly The Same Fucking Thing.)
Please sign this petition to keep familys being dragged through the courts to give sex offenders access to there children
I love this petition so much.
Tumble Dryers use 30 times the amount of energy per hour than a 100 watt incandescent light bulb. Tumble dryers should be banned for people who have gardens to dry their washing to show that this government is not just picking on people who like a certain kind of light.
I’ll be honest here, I really can’t see any connection between any of the things Ian is saying here. Possibly he really likes lightbulbs? Maybe he has a collection he likes to leave switched on during the day.
Posted by Andrew @ March 15th, 2009 6:26 pm. Filed under: Couldn't If He Wanted To,I Want To Watch Sports For Free,Not Government Business,Really REALLY Bad Ideas,Rejected Petitions,spelin an grammer,Stand Back! I'm Going To Try SCIENCE!,Thinking Things Through Is Just Not British,What Would Idiot-Jesus Do? —
Please sign this petition to remove HUMAN CELLS DERIVED FROM ABORTED BABIES from vacchines, such as MR, MMR, ect.
It is against human rights. Children should not be injected with aborted babies.
Thank you.
I agree that “children should not be injected with aborted babies”, but since nobody does that I think we can ignore this one.
February 4th 2009 was a date where ITV made a terrible error with the 4th FA Cup replay – Everton v Liverpool. As extra time was played, ITV showed some adverts instead of the final few minutes of extra time. During the advert break, Everton scored the winning goal. Thus ruining the game.
When ITV had rights to show F1 races, it showed adverts right in the middle of a major point in the race. People have complained about ITV’s coverage due to the advert breaks. Now its back at the BBC, many fans are pleased as races aren’t interrupted by annoying adverts.
I think if ITV wants to show live sports, then it should not broadcast ANY advert breaks, unless it’s during a period of no sport is being played. For example during half time and before the race or match starts.
If ITV cannot hold such a promise, then it should never have rights to live sports coverage.
This will only affect about 2 hours per week overall during the year. This is nothing compared to the few seconds that could turn a match or race around
My favourite part was “Everton scored the winning goal. Thus ruining the game.”
it is just not right that we should be stoped from lisening to our old music why should we be made to suffer when you can get it in the us but not in the uk
Gordon Brown definitely runs YouTube.
The UK is meant to be a christian country (unless I’m completely wrong) yet they allow signs like "There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life." We dont people giving their point of view but surely as a christian nation this is overstepping the mark!!
You have a funny name. Also, disturbingly conservative and authoritarian theocratic values.
Learning sign would be fantastic to help those with hearing difficulties
Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have other people learn sign-language?
And now, the worst idea yet for solving the credit crunch:
With interest rates at 1%, even large savers are now finding that their savings aren’t working for them. The governments actions are penalising the thrifty while rewarding the reckless. Its time the government told people to take their savings out of banks so we can force them to start paying reasonable interest on savings – let them make their money from debtors not creditors!!!!!
…except for this one:
nick griffin predicted this financial scandalas long ago as 2005 if he could see it WHY COULD BROWN NOT
Maybe because Brown can’t just shout random shit until some of it happens?
Oh, and this one, although I choose to assume this one is a joke that they approved in error:
Great Britain is in a unique position to stimulate the economy of our country at the stroke of a pen.
As we are not into the euro,we can quite easily restore the true value of the good old British Pound to 240 old pence.This would be a step forward rather than back and would help every body,especially those in dire financial straits.We should cap all prices at their present level and impose strict price control.It would encourage a lot more companies to become more competitive.Those who can remember the switch over from 240 old pence to 100 new pence will have bitter memories how we were tricked into a devaluation of a massive 140% overnight and the unscrupulous traders who went laughing all the way to their banks.Thank you.
Edit: last minute bonus petition:
Please note: This petition is about democracy in the UK and should not be viewed as a judgement on the rights or wrongs of a particular issue, such as flouridation of the public water supply. What is at stake here is the basic principal of democracy not only being done but being seen to be done. I urge members of the public from all parts of the UK to sign up to it.
The background to this petition is:
There has been more than one public "consultation" recently, where the clearly expressed views of the majority of respondants have been blatently ignored by the officials/public servants involved. The most recent case being a 72% majority who came out against having flouride added to their water supply in Southampton and the surrounding area, being overruled by 12 unelected members of the local health authority, in direct contradiction of the democratic process. This latest decision has resulted in the both the "consultation" process and the local health authority involved being brought in to severe disrepute and needs to be urgently addressed by the Prime Minister if the electorate are to have any faith in future consultations being genuine.
So your plan, basically, is to ban public servants from running opinion polls. Because often the public will be wrong about something and if your idea is accepted then they’ll just stop asking your opinion so they won’t be bound by it.
Posted by Andrew @ January 31st, 2009 9:01 pm. Filed under: ...Or Else!,I Pay Taxes So You Have To Do Anything I Say,I Want To Watch Sports For Free,Lies Damn Lies And Nonsense Statistics,Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself,Not actual justice -- just what I wanted. Which is basically the same thing.,Rejected Petitions,spelin an grammer,Stand Back! I'm Going To Try SCIENCE!,We Have To Save Christmas!,We The Undersigned Just Lost The Game.,What Would Idiot-Jesus Do? —
Brace yourselves. This is amazing:
The tradition of public houses in England dates back centuries. They play a vital role in social cohesion and the relaxation and de-stressing of the majority of people. Health studies show that a Type A personality, an inability to release stress, is a greater predictor of cancer than smoking. If the unintended consequence of the smoking ban is the loss of this vital safety valve the overall health of the nation may suffer.
It is a simple matter of legislation to achieve the benefits of non smoking and the benefits of the public house by offering a choice, a basic human right, to be staffed and frequented by those who choose to be there.
The Department of health’s figures on which the government supports its legislation are highly misleading. They focus on the benefits of compliance and disregard the psychological and social health benefits of the public house.
- 98% compliance only means we abide by the law.
- 76% of people in support (and even 55% of
smokers in support); This suggests 55% of smokers support the law while only 21% (76% – 55%) of non smokers do; a highly dubious finding.
- 87 % of businesses said …. only means the public abide by the law.
Oh, my God, you don’t understand anything. The attempt at mathematics is my favourite bit, but the criticism of the compliance statistic for not referring to support is a stroke of genius too. I feel like I have to invent about six new categories just for this one idiotic demand. Also, indulging your dangerous drug addiction in other people’s workplaces is not a ‘basic human right’, you utter dick.
In view of the government’s recent re direction of tax payers money
I would like part of my tax payers money to ensure that National team sport can be seen on terrestrial TV.
British sport should be viewable to all in Britain. Our children deserve it.
Viewing sport in this country should not be elitist
Bonus points to Fake Keith Jones for combining the usually separate categories of I Want To Watch The Football For Free and Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself. But mostly, shared for his delightful butchered phrasing ‘my tax payers money’. He has his own tax-payer.
We the undersigned demand the right to test each Taser on each individual police officer and the Home Secretary before each weapon is released to a FULLY TRAINED officer. We further demand that all officers to whom these weapons are released are fully trained to handle these firearms in order to avoid the abuses we have already seen both in this country and others where they are used. This is in order to reduce the demand for release of these weapons to under-trained and untrustworthy police officers by a Home Secretary who is never likely to be on the receiving end of one unlike perfectly law abiding members of the public who are constantly at threat from under-trained, lazy, or generally uncaring and incompetent police officers. This is not to defame all police officers, but power leads to abuse – it is a fact, and the public need protecting.
That would be ‘no’.
this is going to be epic fail
.
It must be stopped!
Realistically, how likely was Brown to watch Dragonball Evolution anyway?
This version of the song is a disgrace to the word “music”. The whole programme has proved itself to be a vehicle in the destruction of credible music. Music stores should be forced to replace the above named version with copies of more credible versions, to include, but not limited to those by Leonard Cohen, Jeff Buckley and John Cale.
This would go right against the separation of morons and state.
We are, the celtic people, are tired of living under the Tyranny of the Queen and her goverment, we want to be free like we once were. We Want a Free Scotland, a Free Wales and a United Ireland, and wont stop until we have it!
Then don’t ask like a git. Have you seen the queen? She’d be a rubbish tyrant. Can’t even control her own family.
Due to the spirit of christmas vanashing we might as well make a token gesture every leap year. With a ban on decorations any where before the 14th December , especially in retail. We can then return to once a year when the season of good will and not commerce is recognized . Let’s kick the mighty £ out of Christmas.
Anyone?
It has come to our attention that the cessation of “the Game” shall only come into effect once the prime minister announces this on national television… As foretold by the prophecy handed down to us throughout the ages by the nameless ones.
Until then the disruption and frustration of near certain loss shall continue.
Not enough xkcd here.
Sceintific discoveries are now uncovering a link between psyche and disease. As this link becomes more apparent the government policy of using cigarette packets to advertise and promote disease will be recognised as misguided.
You’d have to be pretty determined to nocebo your way into dying of cancer.
Clearly, with a vote so resoundingly against Manchester’s proposed congestion charge, those who supported the yes campaign and the millions of pounds of wasted public money on the referendum should be held accountable. They are evidently so out of touch with the people they purportedly represent to deserve being removed from office.
I live in Manchester and the last people I want running the place are the cretins who make up the general population.
this petition is to try and stop retailers opening on boxing day
Because..?
We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to do everything in his power to exercise justice for responsible pensioners who verifiably paid their statutory dues during the working life through income tax, national insurance contributions, SERPS or private pension, but who are currently denied access to council tax relief, rent allowance and cold weather payments.
This petition recognises that the government exercises a threshold for access to social security benefits but urges the Prime Minister to review the existing ceiling in respect of responsible pensioners in the light of the spiralling cost of living and the hardship it is inflicting on these marginalised senior citizens who, having made voluntary provision for retirement, are now increasingly obliged to resort to using meagre savings to meet their statutory obligations.
This petition further urges the Prime Minister to consider exempting marginalised pensioners in their seventies, eighties and beyond from paying council tax.
Fair enough, probably, but I’m posting your petition because you’ve defined ‘justice’ to mean ‘what I want just now’. I have a category for that and I’m determined to use it because it’s a Peep Show quote. If you want something, ask for that. Don’t just generally demand ‘justice’ and expect everyone to know what you’re talking about.
Posted by Andrew @ January 6th, 2009 2:20 pm. Filed under: ...Or Else!,A Rose By Any Other Name Would Be Less Funny,Duelling Dumbos,Duplicate Petitions,Gibberish,I Want To Watch Sports For Free,Just Like That!,Not Government Business,Nothing Should Ever Change!,Rejected Petitions,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right?,We're British, Dammit! —
There are exactly 100 petitions in the feed since the last update, so let’s pretend they’re representative and call them ‘percent’. First of all, 17% were rejected, including this one, which claims not to be a joke:
We seriously believe that the public’s perception of bendy buses could be changed to a more positive one if the buses were to make accordian noises as they cornered. They would make cities a more cheerful place to live and work and attract tourists in their thousands.
This is not a humourous petition, we seriously think the government should consider this ideal policy during these bleak and depressing times to increase happiness and tourism.
Yeah, that’ll help.
1% of all petitions are presumably submitted by people who are tired of seeing dismembered corpses while masturbating:
In the wake of a high profile murder trial and the admission of a murderer to a murder in England. Certain newspapers have choosen to report and display pictures of the victims next to or opposite photographs of models designed to be sexually provocative.
One tabloid newspaper even advertised on the same page as the model that the murderer had committed 106 sex crimes.
This could be seen as degrading to victims of crime. Whilst encouraging the report of the crime to be looked on in a sexually explicit way.
1% of all petitions are just attempts to have the government do market research:
I am on a mission to build an indoor bike park like rays indoor bike park. but in england!
it will be built in watford/croxley
i need your petitions so that it shows that the site will not be a awaste of time and people will enjoy it.
1% of all petitions want to have their cake and eat it:
This money is urgently needed – Manchester’s transport is very poor, and saying you will only provide funding to improve the situation if a congestion charge is introduced amounts to blackmail. The best way to reduce congestion would be to improve public transport, and make it a viable alternative to the car, NOT a congestion charge!
1% of all petitions are threats which make no sense:
give back to the people a labour party that belongs to the people that made it labour means just that a party that looks after the working class not a second class tory middle blue collar vote salary orientated extortionists.who made you? not the pretenters but the workers who built this party by giving there lives go back to the roots,or you will loose
1% of all petitioners just love to be taxed. (An internet page, you say? Check and surely mate.)
1% of all petitioners believe that something being British is better than something being good, 1% of all petitioners Want To Watch The Football For Free, 1% of all petitions are unclear on what they want, and a further 1% hates them for their choice of terminology:
I say we should protect the British people from muslim extremism, we have a right to choose which faith we belong to, we need protection from certain individuals who wish to step over our rights, protect British heritage, protect our people and protect our freedoms.
How can the government expect to defeat terrorism when it is too scared to call terrorists ‘terrorists’ and instead favours terms such as ‘militants’, ‘extremists’, ‘insurgents’ or ‘radicals’?
The time has come to stop being afraid of offending certain people by using the term ‘terrorists’ when it is appropriate and instead show a strong firm stance to address the problem.
The need to be consistent is particularly important – stop being afraid to label Palestinian terrorists as such.
The war on terror is a noble cause. Please dont denigrate it by being politically correct – such a concession to terrorism does not help the fight.
And lastly, 3% of the petitions are asking for the same thing:
Royal Mail is a great British institution, and should be kept totally within the public service
Royal mail is now making money, so dont sell it off to private for profit while losing 50,000 jobs in the process, keep royal mail ,keep the profits and keep the jobs, it just makes sense
The Royal Mail is a uniquely British Institution, of which, we the citizens of the United Kingdom are proud. Neither all or part should be sold off to a Postal Organisation or Business in Europe or any other part of the World.
That makes 13% of all petitions that need mocking (unless I’ve missed some, which seems inevitable), plus 1% of petitions which are ironic because of the author’s name:
Since 2000 Israel has killed and wounded over 100,000 people and displaced many thousands by direct eviction (creating the Israeli Wall) or indirectly by sanctioning other Jewish elements (settlers) to take land forcefully. We are asking the British Government to live up to it’s promises on Human rights and stop the Israeli government by all it’s means (which so far have gone on deaf Ears) so Boycott is the only option left. Please all those with a moral conscience to protect human life sign this partition so that our government will do something.
You’re hardly one to talk.
Actually, that is pretty representative.
Posted by Ben @ January 6th, 2009 12:58 pm. Filed under: I Want To Watch Sports For Free,Invading The Animal Kingdom,That'd Be Nice,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right?,Unworkable Ideas,We're British, Dammit! —
I feel that the alcohol aisles in supermarkets should be hidden away. Non-drinkers and recovering alcoholics find these ailses are a real problem when we go shopping, in my local store there are 4 of them and in the summer the seasonal aisle also becomes full of it also. Alcohol is a awful drug and causes to many problems in our communities, costs the nhs a lot of money and ruins lives. Also if the goverment can force or pass a ruling to hide cigarrettes under the counter in shops and supermarkets why not alcohol.
We’ll just throw a blanket over the booze aisles. No one will find them then.
We ask the prime minister to change the way the law is written for household pets. Outdoor pets that are attacked by dogs do not have the same rights as livestock. Dog Owners can get away with having dangerous dogs attacking pets in people’s own back gardens because these animals under the current law means nothing. The Dog Owner would only face charges if the dog attacked a person. This is unfair and the dogs that attack these helpless creatures in their cages or in their runs get returned to their owners for their owners to allow them back out coursing devestation once again. These dogs should be destroyed once they have tasted blood then they are killers.
A rather neat idea until you remember that certain residential zones don’t allow you to keep livestock.
premier league matches should be shown live on BBC1, BBC2, ITV1, CH4 or Five so that less unfortunate football fans who cannot afford the disgusting prices to attend matches or pay to watch it on sky sports/setanta sports can watch it
Bugger off.
Please vote to keep the conventional british 100-watt light bulb
Oh, come on. If you’re going to write an utterly stupid petition, at least have the decency to back up your ridiculous request with some kind of reasoning.