Look At The Weak Little Baby! You’re Stupid, You Stupid, Weak Baby!

Posted by Andrew @ December 28th, 2010 5:09 pm. Filed under: Anything I Want Is A Human Right,Exclamation marks!!!!,Gibberish,Oh Yeah? Let's See You Write A Better Petition!,spelin an grammer — Tags: Lawrence "Larry Cavelle" Cavill —

I got this message on Facebook a while back:

Larry Cavelle 21 December at 23:29
do you run www.wetheundereducated.com?

What’s happening? We’ve certainly never posted a petition from a Larry Cavelle. We posted one by Angela Cavelle once, could it be about that? Best get to the bottom of this.

Anyway, the conversation is long and ongoing, and therefore hidden behind the fold.

Andrew Taylor 21 December at 23:37
I don’t *run* it. Me and Ben work on it together. Why do you ask?

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 00:16
It’s actually ‘Ben and I’, rather than ‘Me and Ben’. Pretty bad grammar for someone who likes to slate other people so freely don’t you think?……

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 00:27
I disagree. Use of “me and” in that context is so widespread as to be quite proper. It is the prescriptivist grammarians, who believe they can derive the usage of an evolved, living language by applying rules they invent in their heads, who are wrong-headed and ignorant.

But since we’re correcting each other, there should be a comma after ‘freely’, and the ellipsis, which should comprise only three full stops, should be before the question mark. And your first message should have started with a capital letter. And personally, I wouldn’t have capitalised ‘me’.

Did you have a point at all, or did you just want to exchange writing tips?

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 00:50
That’s fascinating, you really are a fountain of knowledge!

I just wondered why you set out to abuse people on your pikey little site for a spelling mistake. Is it because you are a complete tosser and have no life?

I’m guessing it’s a fabulous concoction of both.

At around this time, he posted these comments which let us track down his petition:

It was a a call for “Gordan” to resign. It was hard to find because he called himself “Lawrence” rather than “Larry”. And misspelled his own surname. I’m amazed he found me on Facebook. I expect it’s taken all year for Andre Tyler to explain to him that he’s got the wrong guy.

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 00:58
I don’t think I do set out to abuse people. Granted I was perhaps unusually harsh on you, but you didn’t give me a lot to work with. Your petition was, in all fairness, really more suited to shouting at the television than submitting to the government for serious consideration.

The site gets a decent readership. Not huge, but respectable, we think, and follows in the vein of successful sites like Speak You`re Branes and features like Colemanballs, so I don’t think it does imply misanthropy or sociopathy that we write it.

And please don’t call the site ‘pikey’. I spent a lot of time on the layout and happen to think it looks rather snazzy. Did you check the alternate backgrounds? Unfortunately we don’t have a version of Gordon’s Office that uses your preferred spelling so I suggest you stick with the default one.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 01:36
You do abuse people on your pikey (definitely not snazzy!) site, even though you don’t seem to think you set out to do so.

It’s really funny that you’re asking me to not call it pikey, yet you have abused me over the internet for the last year by saying ‘I don’t know anything about anything’! An educated man would not be so shallow.You even go on to abuse me here with you last comment on this message.

I’ll be honest, it does look a pikey website and I’ve built far superior ones myself. Yes, someone who apparently doesn’t know anything about anything knows more than you.

Take down the completely unjustified abusive text on myself immediately and I will leave it at that.

Is that a threat? Gosh, the standard of threat around here is dropping like a lead fly.

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 09:42
I think the site is at least a bit snazzy. Did you try shrinking it until the two background images overlap? They do so quite gracefully, I think you’ll agree. And all (if I recall correctly) with valid and semantically accurate HTML and CSS. Could I see some of the ‘far superior’ websites you’ve designed, please? I ask partly because observing a truly great website would help me improve, but mostly because since you still haven’t demonstrated that you know anything about anything, I’m still inclined to dismiss your opinion out of hand, as one might the opinion of a lettuce or a Daily Mail reporter.

But mostly my question to you is, or you’ll leave what at that? So far all you’ve done is to insult me and criticise my writing, which according to your own definition constitutes “abuse”. I must therefore demand that you cease your abusive and threatening campaign regardless of any action or inaction on my part.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 09:57
You really are a tosser aren’t you. I need not prove anything to someone who spends their days abusing people on a pikey little site.

Enjoy wasting your little life abusing people on your pikey little site and not making any money from it. What a twat you are, ha ha ha ha!

Now go fuck yourself you little pompous twat.

This message is more fun if you read it like this.

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 10:04
This is brilliant, this is the sort of batshit hate-mail Richard Dawkins gets.

I have, however, taken on board your observation that But, Sir… is only a hobby and makes no money, and have therefore resolved to monetize the project by selling buttons, stickers and clothing bearing the slogan “Larry Cavelle Is A Nobber”.

Since you are apparently the design expert of the two of us, what font do you think I should use? I thought maybe American Typewriter, but I feel it’s becoming overused lately.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 10:10
This shows what a twat you really are little man. You can promote me as much as you want. You clearly no any press is good press

Again, I have some advice for you: Go fuck yourself little man. Let’s be honest, you wouldn’t say this to someone’s face, you have to hide behind a keyboard. Ha ha ha ha ha! What a twat.

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 10:22
Thankyou for authorising my “Larry Cavelle Is A Nobber” product line. I think with that in mind I will brand them “officially licensed Larry Cavelle merchandise”. I’m also thinking of selling mouse-mats reading “Larry Cavelle uses tables for layout” and mugs reading “Larry Cavelle is a mug”.

If we met in person I am not sure if I would say this to your face. It may be that you are physically intimidating, or that your face is unpalatable and I would prefer to say it to your forearm. In the former case I would not hide behind a keyboard as I feel it would offer precious little protection, but I may use its length, hardness and sharp corners offensively in any ensuing fisticuffs.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 10:26
Well done Andrew! I’m glad that I get to take time out of your life by promoting my name, this really is fantastic news!!

I know you wouldn’t say this to my face, because you have admitted to being a coward.

Right, must crack on with making money, as a productive member of society. Enjoy wasting your life

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 10:38
Thankyou. I shall have the online shop up and running as soon as possible. I only wish you’d contacted me sooner so we could have hit the lucrative Christmas market.

As regards wasting our lives, I plan to spend the next two weeks on Christmas holiday with my family and friends, having a lovely time. It is my firm belief that a life enjoyed is never wasted. You, on the other hand, imply that you are about to embark on a day’s slog at the coal-face of web design, a curious vocation for a man with such a unique inability to write legible copy. Oh, well, I imagine they employ someone else to tidy up your inept prose, so at least you’re creating jobs in this hard economic time. God bless you, Larry Cavelle.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 10:46
I know you really like arguing with people, as it makes you feel inferior. It’s very childish really.

The fact is you have abused me on your site, when you know nothing about me. You abuse people on a regular basis on your pikey little site. This is not a positive way to lead your life.

Karma is coming your way little man

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 10:57
Since karma does not exist, and given your history in the vowel selection stakes, I can only assume that you intended to tell me that korma is coming my way. That is excellent news; I do like a good curry. I think I’d prefer a jalfrezi, but a korma will do just fine, thankyou very much.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 10:58
I’d stick to being a pompous twat if I were you. Comedy is not your strong point

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 11:06
Thankyou for your advice. Allow me to reciprocate: since you are unable to string together a coherent sentence, you should get out of the web design game. Your strong suits appear to be unimaginative swearing and repeating yourself, so I suggest you become a drugs cop in Baltimore.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 11:07
No problem, feel free to hit me back for advice when you need it.

Here’s some free advice right now. Go fuck yourself. I think you’ll enjoy that little man.

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 11:09
I don’t see what that has to do with my “Larry Cavelle Is A Nobber” font dilemma.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 11:39
Dear oh dear Andrew. You really are a sad little man hiding behind a keyboard aren’t you. Putting people down seems to be your favourite thing. It’s very sad, you sad little man. I even feel sorry for you now, as you clearly have nothing else to do.

Maybe this shows what society has become, when people go out of their way to abuse other people that they know nothing about. Well done on being such a negative member of society.

He’s quite right, I don’t know anything about him. I don’t even know how to spell his name.

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 11:46
Actually I’m typing this on a touchscreen smartphone, do if anything I am hiding behind the lack of a front-facing camera and Facebook’s sluggishness in implementing video chat.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 13:11
My hero!

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 13:39
Unfortunately, your latest message did not make any sense. Perhaps you meant to send it to somebody else, say, a newspaper editor who published a snarky riposte to your latest ranting letter. I thought I should say something, because I would hate to think that my inaction led to somebody missing out on being called a hero, even by you, or a lettuce, or a Daily Mail reporter.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 13:46
ha ha ha, you do really have no life don’t you. I now feel VERY sorry for you. There are people who can help you know. You need not feel alone…..

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 14:01
Indeed there are people who can help me know. Teachers, for example, or librarians. However, I have no need for their services since I am a fountain of knowledge. Their precious time would be better spent helping someone who did not already apparently know anything about anything, such as (according to Google) you.

Possibly you meant to add a comma and tell me simply that there are people can help with the loneliness that you have invented and spuriously ascribed to me. Since this malaise is fictitious, I do not require help. In fact, far from being lonely, last night I made a lovely new friend who diligently sends me silly Facebook messages to entertain and amuse me.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 14:03
Bless you little man cotton socks! Awwwwwwwww!

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 14:16
“Bless you little man cotton socks”? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I think you may have hit the wire between two sub-par insults.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 14:18
awwwwww didn’t you like that little man? awwwwwwww bless you!

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 14:19
I have no strong feelings about it as thus far I have been unable to decipher it and rather doubt that the problem is on my end.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 14:29
awwwwwww, bless you.

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 14:55
Thanks and all, but how on Earth did you know that I’d sneezed?

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 15:35
awwwwwww, did you sneeze little man, awwwwwwwww bless you!

Christ, no wonder Stewie invents death rays.

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 15:55
In order to save you typing, I have built my own Larry Cavelle Simulation Device, capable of holding conversations with humans and totally indistinguishable from the genuine article. If you would like to see the blueprints and build your own — and finally get the chance to enjoy your own scintillating company — you can download a copy from http://twitgoo.com/1sbd37

I can give you instructions on how to use it when you have finished assembly.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 15:56
awwwwwwwww did you have a little drawing time with your little pens did you? awwwwwwwww, your mummy will be very proud! Bless you!

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 16:57
Gosh, that’s almost exactly what my simulator said. I mean, not word-for-word, but it certainly got the gist. Anyhow, yes, since you ask I did have a little drawing time. How you deduced this when your only clue was the drawing I sent you I have no idea, so I won’t hold it against you that you misidentified the tool. (In fact, I used a pencil.)

I like drawing. The But, Sir… backgrounds are my handiwork. The original one is my favourite as it has not only a recognisable Houses of Parliament in it, but I also managed to spell ‘Gordon’ correctly, without a spell checker. I know that sounds easy, but believe it or not, some people don’t manage it even when writing to the Prime Minister.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 19:32
awwwww did you really?! That’s a very clever little man. I expect Mummy is very proud of you! Bless you, you’re just such a clever little man! Well done, your Blue Peter page in is the post!

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 19:39
My “Blue Peter page in is the post”? Are you just sticking a pin in the dictionary at this stage?

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 19:43
awwwwww, look at you, so clever picking up on that one! Clever clever little man! Bless your little golden silk socks!

Even I’m proud of you now little man, awwwwwww! Bless you! *pinches cheeks* I’ll make sure they send you two badges now, such a clever little man!

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 20:02
Are you enjoying this? It seems like it must be very tedious, tapping out the same response over and over. Or have you set up keyboard shortcuts? I suppose a man of your unique lack of imagination could set up maybe eight shortcuts, one for each of your witty put-downs, and never really need to type again. I expect an experienced web developer like you would have thought of that.

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 20:12
Awwwwwww, do you? That’s fascinating!

I’m having the best time ever speaking with you little man, it’s just so much fun! You’re just so clever and witty with your responses! Awwwwwwwww, bless you, such a clever little man!

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 20:41
[sarcastic response]

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 20:44
No!!!! Really??!?!?……….Such a clever little man aren’t you!

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 20:51
[sarcastic response]

Larry Cavelle 22 December at 21:01
No!!!! Really??!?!?……….Such a clever little man aren’t you!

The sad thing is that I can’t be sure he realised those messages were identical.

Andrew Taylor 22 December at 21:44
I’m not that little. I think I’m about average.

Larry Cavelle 23 December at 01:54
Well at least that’s one thing that we can agree on then….You being extremely average that is! Little man.

Andrew Taylor 23 December at 16:39
So your assertion is that I am a little man of “extremely average” height? Can something even be “extremely average”?

Larry Cavelle 23 December at 17:23
And I quote: ‘I think I’m about average.’

I completely agree! Come on now, you were doing so well in coming across as a clever little man. Bless you, awwwwwwww!

Clearly something can be extremely average, as you have demonstrated to me today. Well done little average man!

Andrew Taylor 23 December at 17:33
You are not making any sense. Not making any sense is a very poor way to make the point that my saying that your petition did not make any sense is unfair. In fact, it does not make any sense.

Larry Cavelle 23 December at 17:39
Awwwwwwww, little average man all confused! Well not such a clever little man so it seems…..Mummy will be most upset! Bless you, awwwwwwwwwww!

Andrew Taylor 23 December at 17:46
Do you realise I’m going to post this conversation on the website so that everyone can laugh at you again?

Larry Cavelle 23 December at 17:50
That really is fascinating! I’m sure then all your readers can see that you abuse people that you know nothing about, you little average man. If you can remember back that far, this is how it all began. Bless you, awwwwwwwwww!

Andrew Taylor 23 December at 19:30
Well again, I don’t think I did abuse you. I simply observed that your petition didn’t offer any evidence that you possessed any knowledge on any subject. And I stand by that assessment. Your follow-up correspondence has done nothing to improve my opinion of you. Now can we please assume from here on that I am by now sufficiently blessed and have a discussion that my Larry Cavelle Simulator couldn’t manage?

Larry Cavelle 23 December at 20:30
Well little man, again I must point out that what you thought and what you did are worlds apart! You do abuse people for speaking their minds over a minor spelling mistake. Very similar to what a child would do. Hence me calling you little man. I thought you would be clever enough to work that one out. I really do feel very sorry for you though, in all honesty, that you cannot see that and still stand by my offer of seeking help for you. Let me know, as there really are people that can help. Don’t feel you are wasting their time, that’s what they are there for! Bless you!

Andrew Taylor 23 December at 21:42
No, I did figure it out from that bit where you explicitly stated it several times. I thought you’d assume that without my reiterating it. I didn’t want to acknowledge it in case you thought I agreed with it. I’d hate anyone to think I was the kind of person who agrees with you about things.

Larry Cavelle 24 December at 01:10
What a strange, average, little man you are. You still don’t think you are abusing people on your site for speaking their mind on the PM’s website. I mean, they’re not even writing to you and you go butting in thinking your PM. It’s really funny/sad! You clearly have no life to be involved in others so frequently.

Once again you have proved yourself to be a complete and utter sad little man. Well done, I’m sure Mummy is so proud of you!

I bet you can’t wait to get your badges in the post. Wow, won’t you look a smart little man, ha ha ha!

Andrew Taylor 24 December at 08:35
Our point — I mean, a really huge part of the point we make with But , Sir… — is that a petition to the Prime Minister is not supposed to be an opportunity to “speak your mind” (or brane). It is an opportunity to propose new policy or protest an unjust one. Yours, as I say, should have been shouted at the TV and forgotten. Leave government to the grown-ups, please.

Larry Cavelle 24 December at 16:44
…….sorry, I fell asleep there for a moment!!

The fact that you spend your life doing a website on this, again, makes me feel very sorry you little man. You seem to have a fixation with thinking actually give a dam what you write. It’s very amusing/sad. Bless you little man, you really do need help/a girlfriend/a boyfriend. Bless!!!

To think that ‘grown-ups’ know how to run the country anyway, that’s hilarious! To the general public, they seem like a bunch of snobby school boys shouting away at each other in the house of commons! Probably what you’d love to do, but will never have the opportunity to do so as you are a little average man. Bless your silky smooth cotton socks!!

I think he forgot to customise this message after it came out of his keyboard shortcut.

Andrew Taylor 24 December at 17:58
I am glad that you feel sorry. That was very much our intention. You should feel sorry: sorry for wasting the government’s precious time with your ill-thought-out ranting. This is what I mean by “grown ups” — not MPs, but those members of the public with sufficient imagination to conjure up an idea, and the language skills required to express it without vomiting up horrendous run-on travesties like “a fixation with thinking actually give a dam”. Your skills would be better employed writing greeting cards to give to illiterate people with mild cold symptoms who you hate.

Unfortunately, however, my cotton socks are not “silky smooth” because they are made of cotton.

Larry Cavelle 24 December at 22:31
Oh well done again little average man!! You really are outdoing yourself aren’t you!! Picking up on the grammar of us ‘normal’ folk! Awwwwwwww! Mummy is going to have such a proud Christmas with you!

Even with your silky smooth cotton socks! Awwwwwwwwwww!

Bless you, you really do have nothing better to do than put people down. What a sad little VERY average man you are. I’m sure you will continue to prove that with another pointless message that no one really gives a toss about.

Go ahead……

Andrew Taylor 24 December at 22:42
What? No, as I explained in my second massage, I have no quarrel with the grammar of normal folk since it is, by definition, correct. I have a problem with the grammar of semi-literate numbskulls such as you. Your sentences, such as they are, are unclear and badly constructed, not conforming to any consistent set of rules. Maybe your petition should have read “we the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to improve the school system since some useful members of society who fancy themselves as web developers are unable to string together a coherent sentence, aww, bless your cotton socks little man mummy will be so fucking bored.”

The new product line is available now from the Official Larry Cavelle Merchandise Store now. Okay, some of the tat says “ry Cavelle is a nob” but I don’t know Ry Cavelle so it may still be true. Heck, it might yet turn out to be the correct spelling of Larry’s name.

Larry Cavelle 28 December at 15:03
That’s brilliant work little man!! You really do have nothing better than to abuse people! Ha ha ha ha ha! You’ve proved to us all what a loser you are and that you clearly have no life, it’s so funny!

Andrew Taylor 28 December at 15:06
I should doubt that anyone has anything better to do than “abuse” (read: gently rib) you. It really is most entertaining.

I notice you have taken to referring to yourself as “us all”. Should I be concerned for your mental health (more so)?

Larry Cavelle 28 December at 15:13
I should doubt you’ve lost your virginity, that’s for sure little man! I must say it’s amusing to think you’re trying to wind me up! Have you really been trying??…… Such a little average man, bless your silky smooth cotton socks, awwwwwww!

Andrew Taylor 28 December at 15:24
Mostly I have been trying to make you appear foolish, however I have not been expending much effort, since you have been providing all the material I could ask for. I half expect you to imply that I’m gay next, and act like you’ve insulted me, but then I was genuinely surprised you turned out to have the imagination to come up with that amazing ‘bet you’re a virgin’ quip that I haven’t otherwise heard since high school. Actually I wonder if you have someone else there helping you think of this dross, which would also explain why you say “us all” when you mean “me”. Say ‘hi’ to them from me.

Update:

Larry Cavelle 28 December at 17:52
Bless you! Such a smart cookie would have remember that you were going to post the conversation up for everyone to see on your pikie site, hence the ‘proved to us’ bit. Bless, you needed that explained! awwwwwwww!

Why would I call you ‘Gay’ to abuse you? Do you think that is an abusive term? Children generally do and when you post this up it shows that you are a homophobic as well as an abusive, negative member of society.

Such a darling little average man, aren’t you!

To think I have asked for help in answering you back when clearly it is the easiest task I have had to endure. Bless your little Christmas cotton socks! awwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Andrew Taylor 28 December at 17:58
Oh, I see. Sorry, I assumed you were talking about events that had taken place in the past, because you used the past tense. In future I shall not assume you know anything about anything.

For example, I might assume that since you consider me simultaneously homophobic, abusive, negative and average, that you are a misanthrope, but instead I shall assume that you don’t know what ‘average’ means.

Maybe you should ask for help. There’s no shame in it.

Update II:

Larry Cavelle 28 December at 18:08
Bless you! Did I offend you by pointing out the truth there?? Awwwwww!

Well, would you like to explain the ‘Gay’ bit, as you seemed to have dodged the question, which makes you look a little guilty…..

Infact, all you seem to do is hide behind pointing out Grammar and spelling mistakes. Very sad little average man! I truely believe you are now past the point of getting help! Bless!!!

PS – Seriously though, don’t you have any friends and family to chill with over this festive period? Would you really rather spend your time abusing people and being negative? My heart genuinely goes out to you man, life must be bad.

Andrew Taylor 28 December at 18:21
I note with regret that I am now “very sad” and “little”, despite being “average”. Presumably this means there is one really miserable dwarf bringing down the average. I’d hate to be that guy.

I don’t know what you want me to tell you about “the ‘Gay’ bit”. It seems to me that I mocked your argument skills and you decided I was a homophobe. I can’t explain that.

As I explained earlier, I in fact did spent Christmas with friends and family, whereas you apparently spent it unwittingly writing lorem ipsum in Dreamweaver (except without the representative word lengths).

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