Posted by Andrew @ October 15th, 2009 1:02 pm. Filed under: I'm serious!,Oh Yeah? Let's See You Write A Better Petition!,Unreasonable Demands,Wait a minute... this isn't a petition! — Tags: Mr. Lucio Milisci of Lucio Milisci —
You may remember recently Ben referred to one of our intrepid heroes as a ‘plum’. He’s done this before and doubtless he’ll do it again. But this one was very cross with him:
Dear Ben,
I have come across your web site where you express some views on the petition I have published on the Number 10′s web site.
Whilst I respect your views, it is totally inappropriate for you to make offensive comments. I therefore ask you kindly to remove the offensive part (highlighted in bold below).
I am sure that you work on your web site with the best intentions possible, so I did when I published the petition. So you know, the petition is also available on paper and it is very popular. The parking penalties and clamping system is being abused at the moment, and it is only a money spinning business as proven by recent reports by the BBC. If you wish to contribute with your ideas please do so, but please do not use offensive language.
Thank you,
Lucio MilisciPlease note that you are forbidden to publish this email on any medium (electronic, paper, analogue) or distribute this email. If you are not the person this email is intended to please delete it immediately.
The page I came across is on :
http://www.wetheundereducated.com/category/thatd-be-nice/
This is what you have published:
1 octPosted by: Ben Tags: Mr. Lucio Milisci of Lucio Milisciby Mr. Lucio Milisci of Lucio MilisciThis petition is aimed at banning parking penalties and car clamping from the United Kingdom. Suggested alternatives are points on the driving licenses or use more the technology and human resources available to educate drivers with their parking habits. Parking fines and car clamping (and its related enormous charges) cause too much grievance to the population at a time when we need to pull together to make this country Great again.There is so much wrong with this plan. For a start, “points on the driving licenses”? Generally when a car is parked there’s no one in it – who, then, should the points be given to? You can’t prove who was driving the car at the time it was parked, and you can’t put points on the licenses of everyone insured on that car because then… well, people’d moan.Secondly, “use more the technology”? Really?Finally, the solution to your predicament is this: Don’t park where you’re not supposed to, you fucking plum.”
The petition is very popular, as he says. It has 24 signatories, if you include Lucio himself and the two who will be removed for signing incorrectly. And Marino Milisci who is almost certainly not related anyway. I mean, we’re talking .00004% of the population here. This is big stuff.
Hi Lucio.
You respect my view, which is lovely. I’m glad you have an open mind about this. That being said, part of my view also involves viewing you as a small purple fruit, so I shall not be removing the words you deem to be offensive.
That being said, you didn’t point out any of the information you have provided to me, specifically the misuse of the car clamping on private property, on the petition itself. While I doubt that would have changed my decision to post the petition on the website, it would at least have given me insight into why you are against car clamping. Armed with that information I would likely have picked an entirely different expletive and selected a whole other type of fruit to describe you as. I’m thinking probably a mango, or a legume. Are legumes fruit? No, they’re probably vegetables, aren’t they?
Maybe a pineapple.
Anyway, I hope this message finds you well, and I wish you the best of luck with your petition.
Cheers,
~Ben
I have checked and legumes are members of the Fabaceae family. They’re peas.
Dear Ben,
I don’t mind your love and passion for fruit and vegetables. Perhaps remove the swear word and all will be sorted.All the best with your site and anything you do in life.Thank you,Lucio
This is what I love about Lucio’s complaint: we’re allowed to call him a plum but not to swear as we do so, because then suddenly it is offensive. Heaven forfend he should be a sexually active plum. Possibly his family are devout Christian plums who would find this sinful.
We choose the words we are offended by. You choose to be offended by the F-word, but not by the word “plum”.
I’m not generally fond of using swearwords as the core of a humorous comment (although I have admittedly been swearing on But, Sir… a lot as of late) but I am less fond of censorship. With this in mind I’m afraid I am disenclined to acquience to your request.
I am sure there is software you can install on your computerbox that will, if you so desire, censor or blur instances of swearing you may come across on the internet. I’m sure it’s not that expensive either.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a cantaloupe.
Warmest regards,
~Ben
Incidentally, a cantaloupe is a member of the Cucurbitaceae family, making it a type of melony cucumbery fake berrie-ey fruity kind of a thing.
Ben,
Being an educated, respectful, polite citizen does not limit your freedom of expression. You have chosen to use offensive language towards a person you know very little about and frankly do not deserve to be addressed so abusively. By using abusive, offensive and rude language you have also damaged your own web site, its reputation and democratic potentials.Verbal abuse is a criminal offense. Do I need to refer you to the Police both in the UK and US?If you apologize and remove the offensive comments the matter can be closed here and now , otherwise I will have to escalate it to the competent authorities.If you are so determined to keep your point, are so brave and want to be free to offend people, you can decide to act sensibly and give me your postal address, in the US and/or Luton ( wherever you are operating from) and the name and address of the web hosting/URL registration company.I suggest you consider seriously closing the matter today by complying with my request to apologize and remove the offensive language directed at me.Thank you,Lucio
Oh no, it’s the Police! Not the law enforcement agency, because that is not considered a proper noun. We’re in trouble with Sting. Possibly he wants us banned and therefore is referring us to “The Banned Police” but spelled it wrong.
Thank you for ruining a perfectly good date. I’d taken my cantaloupe to see Toy Story & Toy Story 2 in 3D and had to cut it short to respond to this email. Now I’ll never know whether or not Buzz and Woody escape from Sid’s house.
I calle you a “fucking plum” on the website. That’s an expression of opinion, and I’m fairly confident there are laws and rights in both the US and UK that protect me here. I know in the US there’s this thing called the Constitution. It doesn’t have a lot of weight these days but people still seem to be interested in that first amendment right to freedom of speech.
“But, Sir…” is hosted by Ix Web Hosting, an American company. As such the servers are based in the US and are bound by US laws, rights and regulations. I would advise you contact Ix directly if you feel content on our site has caused you distress.
Wish you were here,
~Benjy
We haven’t heard anything from Ix. Possibly they got an email that said “your clients called me a fucking plum and now they’re talking about taking melons to the cinema; please help me it’s a kind of abuse” and their spam filter rightly trashed it.
Ben,
It is such a shame that you believe that abusing people is a right under the great american constitution.
Freedom of speech is much different. I suggest you over educate your self to protect your self from legal action.
Freedom of speech does not protect:
Speech that contains “fighting words” (insulting or abusive language that is likely to cause “an immediate violent response”);
Obscenities;
Language or communication directed to inciting, producing or urging the commission of a crime;
Defamation – words or communication that are false and untrue and are intended to injure the character and reputation of another person;
Abusive, obscene or harassing telephone calls;
Loud speech and loud noise meant by volume to disturb others or to create a clear and present danger of violencePlease respect my rights, stop abusing me, remove the offensive language.
Lucio
I mean, I know Ben’s being rather silly, but “stop abusing me”? Really? You’ve emailed Ben more than he’s emailed you.
It’s a good thing we haven’t done any of the things you’ve listed on that lovely little list, then. I have described you as a small purple fruit, and I have preceded that description with a word that some consider offensive. I will refer your emails to the But, Sir… legal expert and chief gardener, Andrew “Quickdraw” Taylor, who will re-read my comments and ensure that we have not made any obscene phone calls.
The cantaloupe has broken up with me. I am alone again. I shall sleep in an empty bed tonight.
Blessed be,
~Benjamin
I shall let you into a secret: I know nothing of gardening.
Mr Milisci,
I have read Ben’s entry on the “Yes, But Sirs!” blogsite in light of your concerns, and I do not believe any breach of free speech has taken place. No crimes are being plotted, we do not own a telephone, and we would never make Fighting Talk as we are wet liberals and it would come out all stilted. I do not know if Ben intended his words to be read loudly so as to disturb others, but I read them in a quiet voice as I was also listening to Dolly Parton.
I assume therefore that you are concerned about obscenities, so I feel I must make a clarification: in the blogsitepage, the word ‘fucking’ is used as an intensifying adjective, not a verb. Nobody is accusing you of fucking a plum, although if you do like that kind of thing then obviously that’s fine too. In fact, the plum is also metaphorical (unlike Ben’s cantaloupe, about which he is most upset), and so the whole clause is technically nonsense, which I believe is protected by the First Amendment, since otherwise Sarah Palin would not have been allowed to run for President.
Incidentally, the roses are coming up lovely, which I believe is unusual for this time of year.
Yours,
QUICKDRAW////
Or of law. Mostly I know about fancy HTML signatures.
That was a few days ago now. We’ve not heard back from him, so I presume he’s currently pleading with the FBI to be taken seriously.
RSS feed for comments on this post. | TrackBack URL
[...] week Andrew and I had a lovely email conversation with a man who objected to me calling him a “fucking plum”, and then changed his position so that he’d only objected to me using the word [...]
[...] just talk to Trading Standards, or whomever regulates bailiffs. Or, failing that, you could have Lucio Milisci send them an email. A problem [...]
Yes, Sting takes internet swearing very seriously. Watch out! He’ll write a song about you!
I’m just gutted he didn’t play the I Have A Meaningless Degree card like they usually do, because I had a really good Cluedo-based joke for that.
Incidentally I may have discovered why Lucio doesn’t want points put on peoples’ licenses, which I think moves his petition into “Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself” territory.
It appears that the government is banning clamping from private land in England and Wales. It had been banned already in Scotland. Look at this link:
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/21/20100816/tuk-cowboy-clampers-to-be-outlawed-6323e80.html
The article on:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/7883385.stm
if you read it properly talks about a single loading bay making an incredible £1400 a day from unaware motorists. A real scandal!
The road signals were very poor apprarently, this is how Richmond Council managed to make £500,000 from a loading bay 2 meters x 6 meters approximately in just few months.
This guy really spotted a problem and had the courage of speaking out. Well done to Lucio Milisci! As for you 2, I think you should apologize as you were very rude to him. Naughty boys!
Hello, “Andrew and Ben”. Obviously the two stories you’ve posted aren’t in any way related since the first describes clamping on private land by private companies, and the second describes clamping on public roads by city councils, but even setting that aside, your petition (and it is your petition, since you are very obviously Lucio Milisci using perhaps the single most misconceived disguise since the local drunkard tried to get into the school nativity play by clutching two coathangers and claiming to be Abu Hamza) was not primarily mocked for highlighting an imaginary problem but for proposing unworkable, nebulous and ungrammatical solutions.
That’s a very Italian idiom you’re sporting, “Andrew and Ben”. If only we knew someone with an Italian-sounding name. Oh, my days, that would make things simpler.
Katie reckons:
This guy’s brilliant. Incidentally, if you take the first sentence of his first email as literally as he’s taken your response to his petition, it makes you snigger a little bit.
October 15, 2009 at 2:39 pm