Thomas Bowman is obsessed, obsessed with your kids and toilets. Yesterday he asked for the outright closure of public restrooms that don’t have security monitoring them. A couple of months ago he petitioned to have security at every stall.

What’s he asking for today? Well, besides the previously mentioned break to welcome the clearly batshit insane Pope into the country, he’s also asking for this:

legalise nursery and schoolchildren education of the dangers of using unsupervised toilets.

by Thomas Bowman

Young children using unsupervised toilets are in great danger. Predators and perverts prey on the vulnerable. Many parents are unaware that these men loiter in and around them. Children are abused and their innocence violated by these evil uncaring men. Legalise the education of children as a matter of urgency. Mothers and fathers truly care.

This is not, in itself, a bad idea (although it may be a cause of concern for those people who don’t want kids learning about “sex and that” in school). That being said, Mr Bowman seems oddly compelled to constantly and consistently nag the Prime Minister about this topic. There’s something oddly unsettling about the way he writes about it.

Tags: thomas bowman

End so called enviromental foreign trips.

by Cary Thornton

I have paid taxes for 42 years and have never been to the South Pacific. I find it incredible that I can sit in North Yorkshire and see the effects of so called “global warming” without going to the far side of the planet.

My petition is to STOP so called “explanatory visits” to anywhere outside the U.K. by members of both houses in relation to this wicked and unproven diagnosis – the prognosis of which is entirely unfounded and unproven.

But if you offer to take Cary with you next time, he wouldn’t mind.

Tags: Cary Thornton

Welcome Pope Benedict iv to the UK.

by Thomas Bowman

May the holy father continue to speak the “truth” and may God continue to bless him.

Well at least Mr Bowman had the decency to put the word “truth” in quotation marks.

Tags: thomas bowman

Confine child benefit to the first two children only.

by Nick Grierson

This enables less money to be spent subsidising over-large families, helping to reduce the deficit

Plus it provides entertainment to parents of larger families, who can watch their children duke it out over who gets to eat dinner that night.

Tags: Nick Grierson

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to restrain Primary Care Trusts from denying Christian health workers the right to pray for people in their care without threat of suspension/dismissal from employment.

by irene taylor of connected together

This petition has been set up because more and more Christians in this nation are under attack and are being threatened in their jobs, in their churches, and in their neighborhoods. We feel that more and more pressure is being brought on us as believers by Islamic, secular and humanist groups. This nation was established on Christian principles. Our Christian heritage has brought change to this nation: hospitals, schools, an end to the slave trade, and community welfare, to name but a few. We are in danger of turning our backs on our national character in the name of political correctness. We take extreme care not to offend those of other faiths, or no faith, Christians and their faith are offended, and threatened with the legal action and loss of employment, with impunity. Although we often think that persecution only happens in other nations and cultures, Christians are being persecuted almost daily here at home.

There is no place for a Magical Space Wizard within the NHS – the budget won’t stretch that far.

Tags: irene taylor

ban anti-tobacco campaigning.

by Richard Griffith

It can be reasonably assumed that it is acceptable for the government to curtail the freedom of speech of people who wish to stir up hatred against people who do not share their beliefs. As such I would like to propose a ban on Anti-Tobacco campaigning on the grounds that it often promotes hatred towards tobacco companies, their owners and their customers, as well as other groups whom do not share their views.

Anti-Tobacco campaigners often intentionally cause me and many others a great deal of alarm and distress by placing under threat our ability to conveniently purchase tobacco products (which would thereby cause us to suffer from withdrawal symptoms) and telling us we are going to die. It is unacceptable for someone to intentionally cause another alarm and distress. Anti-Tobacco campaigning must be banned.

Fuck off.

Tags: Richard Griffith

TOTALLY reform the Tax laws. We only earn our wages ONCE, so only tax that wage ONCE and not again on what we spend it on, again on what we save for, again on what we leave to our kids, again on putting a roof over our heads…the list goes on and on.

by Jeanette Lovelock

I wish our country would lead the way and adopt a one-time tax regime. Tax on wages from employment only. Simple.

Okay! Lovely! Let’s try that out now, shall we? We’ll start by taking your wages, taking out Nation Insurance and so on. Now we’ll calculate potential savings taxes and VAT while also removing from your wages any potential taxes that may pop up over the next two weeks, then we’ll it’s gone.

Your wages have gone.

Next, please.

Tags: Jeanette Lovelock

Protect Christians From Working Sundays.

by Christopher Childs

The current legislation does not protect christians from working sundays, we wish this to be changed.

There’s already a solution to this – just don’t work Sundays. And if you get fired from your job then, well, one could argue that’s your fault for believing that a Magical Space Wizard has given you a whole day to do bugger-all in.

Tags: Christopher Childs

stop immigrant from entering UK, increase the police force on our streets and pull out our Men from Afganistan.

by Ms Jacqueline.Hanna

Surely funding the Pakistani goverment to train and secure their country is enough for Britains involvment in its progress.Please consider bringing our British men home, instead increasing the police force and improving the home office checks on new visitors to our country and re-interviewing those who claimed their passportd within the last 5years should be enough to secure the country within.spend the money inside and for our country.

Yeah. I mean, it’s not like we all live on the same planet, is it? Fuck foreigners.

Tags: Ms Jacqueline.Hanna

End trade agreements with israel.

by jay stewart

…And any of those other dark countries.

Tags: jay stewart

Close all public toilets not protected by security guards immediately.

by thomas bowman

Parents do not realise the danger of letting children use toilets alone,vulnerable adults, youths and children should be protected when using toilets. Our open,liberal society encourages perverts and paedophiles to use these facilities as meetings, matings and worse rape or abuse children.

Lovely. Just when you think Britain has had enough of the whole “Nanny State” thing, someone like Thomas Bowman comes along and tries to make the Nanny State even Nannier.

Tags: thomas bowman

stop sunday trading.

by mr martin dawkins

and bring back family life

If you want “family life” just keep your family locked in the house on Sundays and play Scrabble or The Game Of Life or something. Alternatively you can let them get on with their lives as if Sunday were any other day of the week. Which, incidentally, it is. You pillock.

Tags: mr martin dawkins

Make illegal immigrants join the army.

by John Ray

Illegal immigrants found entering the country or wanting to enter should be given a choice. 1. They can become citizens of the UK after 10 years of Army service. This would include serving in Afghanistan. 2. Immediate deportation back to their country of origin. These should be the only choices given to these people.

Mr. Ray later went on to say, “I hate foreigners, and basically what I’d like is for them to go out and just kill each other to death.”

Tags: John Ray

make the UK’s public areas safe places for law abiding citizens.

by Jason Taylor

The streets are no-go areas – too many law abiding citizens are prisoners in their own home. ASBO’s, control orders, electronic tags etc DO NOT WORK. The UK has a higher violent crime rate per 1000 residents than the USA and even South Africa.

We demand tougher, longer prison sentences for thugs, feral teenagers and gangs.

We demand that the police respond to all incidents in a timely manner and follow through with ALL available tools.

Tags: Jason Taylor

Yet another petition posted by someone who clearly doesn’t have any understanding of just how the internet works.

ban pro-anorexia websites.

by Miss Jane Broderick

Pro-anorexia websites or pro ana websites as they are often known, praise dieting and weight loss to the extreme encouraging young girls to become dangerously thin. Anorexia is a very serious disease that can cause health problems for example infertility in women and even death.

Hundreds of these dangerous websites are easily viewed on the net which encourage young and impressionable girls and boys to lose weight using drastic and unhealthy measures.

The websites give ideas on how to hide anorexia and bulimia from doctors and parents. Images of skinny celebrities and clearly anorexic girls are praised and used as inspiration.

Often pro-ana websites feature a tips section; one of the suggestions on a particular website encourages young girls to ‘Eat in front of the mirror. Hell, eat in front of the mirror naked and see how much you want to eat then’

Currently Government recommendations about keeping children safe online do not specifically address these websites. This needs to be changed and this is where you can help!

Protect your children, your friends, your family, the world from these terrible websites, sign this petition to ban them!

Tags: Miss Jane Broderick

stop the Broadband Tax law!.

by Mr Mark Morris

We pay enough for poor broadband speeds as it is with a tax on it, never mind those who do not have/want broadband.

A controversial broadband tax should be law before the next election, according to Minister for Digital Britain Stephen Timms.

The 50 pence a month tax applies to everyone with a fixed line telephone.

Speaking at a debate in London, Mr Timms said the tax will be presented to parliament as part of the Finance Bill.

You’re seriously complaining about having to pay £6 extra tax a year? Oh, do fuck off, will you?

Tags: Mr Mark Morris

Dont let terrorists leave prison for any reason.

by mr Alex \penn

Nobody likes terrorists the people who bring hate to our world. So why are they being let go for health reasons. What about the people we lost during 9/11 or 7/7 what about the people we could have lost in other attacks which were stopped. they shouldnt be allowed out of their cell keep them in there for the rest of there life. They are horrible, disrespctful self centred cowards lets see how they like it when they will never see outside again

…but every other sort of criminal is basically alright.

Tags: mr Alex \penn

Build another bridge across the River Humber.

by Mr Pete Rhodes

Here is an idea to create employment in the deprived area of east Yorkshire :

Build a ( nother ! ) bridge across the River Humber. Of course the nay sayers, the ‘Moaning Minnies’ those with a negative approach to life will say that there already is one. However, when that bridge was built it was the longest single span suspension bridge in the world in 1981, but time, technology, standards have moved along – exponentially !

The Severn has more than one bridge spanning it, the Thames has more bridges than I can count !

Now one may object to this suggestion on the basis that there is no possible economic or geographic reason. But to those people I say:

” bring back Barbara Castle ! ”

It never bothered her !!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 when she got drunk in 1966 and said

” You should have a bridge — yes – yes – yes ! “

So, to bullet-point your arguments:

• There should be another bridge crossing the River Humber because it might bring employment to East Yorkshire
• Also because the old one is old and a newer one would be new.
• You are incapable of counting up to fifteen, which is the number of bridges crossing the much, much larger River Thames.
• This has something to do with Barbara Castle? Maybe?
• Your shift key might be broken.
• You don’t proofread stuff you intend to be seen by the Prime Minister of Great Britain.

That’s one good point out of six. Not doing too well there, Mr Rhodes, are you?

Tags: Mr Pete Rhodes

Restrict Immigration in line with policies already established by Australia, New Zealand and Canada.

by John Bray

Migrants wishing to work or stay in the UK must have pre-arranged employment and sufficient funds to support themselves for a fixed period. Migrants to adopt the British way of life with a test Inc British His, Geog, Politics and com skills. Migrant workers not allowed to claim benefit for a period of 1 year. Illegal immigrants + those claiming asylum (already passed thru safe countries) to be immediately returned to their country of origin regardless of possession or not of documents. Illegal immigrants claiming asylum (not passed thru a safe country) to be detained identities can be verified and assessments made of their contrib. to UK. Those immigrants to immediately find work and not allowed to claim benefit for a period of 1 year. Immigrants breaking UK law to be immediately evicted from + returned to their country of origin, no prison sent. to be served in the UK. The above immigrants will be banned for life from UK soil. No immigrants to be accepted from other EU countries unless they meet the above requirements. A family member or members in the UK or a large similar community resident does not qualify immigrants for entry into the UK.

To ensure fairness everyone in the UK should be forced to take the exact same tests, and anyone who fails gets deported. I’m safe because I moved to America two years ago, so they needn’t bother testing me. But you, Mr. Bray? How much do you know about British History? Geography? Politics? I shall be frank with you: I have my doubts.

Tags: John Bray

hold a national referendum on any petition that receives more than 6000 signatures.

by Hamish Scott (rejected)

Any petition with more than 6000 (roughly 0.1% of the population) signatures should be held as a national referendum. The reason for this is many petitons with a great amount of signatures are being ignored even if they are in the interest of the people. To hold a national referendum for every petition would mean people voting all the time, but having an opportunity every month for people to vote on petiton that have more than 6000 signatures would be true democracy.

Yes, let’s waste everybody’s time holding pointless referendums where uninformed people take legally binding decisions about moronic policies concocted by people with IQs in the bottom tenth of a percentile, and which they haven’t the time to consider properly! Democracy, arguably, but basically oppression of minorities. And you can’t want that, can you?

start looking after the majority not the minority groups.

by c dobbins

Oh right okay you do.

Tags: c dobbins, Hamish Scott

get rid of the nanny state.

by Mr. Jack Lawner

Everyone is sick of the nanny state. Except it seems, the men and women who sit in Parliament ‘running’ the country. We need people to make intelligent decisions that don’t encroach on the private lives of the general public. A good example of the Nanny State is the smoking ban, you may agree with it but wait. Consider the men that used to sit at the bar in pubs and clubs and smoke and drink into the night. They were inside and didn’t make noise, therefore not keeping young children, mothers, fathers, and old people awake. Now however, these men have to go outside and smoke, bringing their pints along with them. Speaking from experience, they are incredibly noisy and bad language is consistenly used. they just create bigger problems for the wider community. STOP THE NANNY STATE AND GIVE BRITAIN BACK TO ITS PEOPLE.

And everybody’s happy now the bad thing’s gone away.

Save Britishness.

by Ryan Blakeley (rejected)

I am part of the ‘young generation’ and I know that Britishness is rapidly disappearing.

This is not a BNP-type protest or an anti-islam one however I can say that our children are becoming evermore Americanised. I hereby call on Gordon Brown to bring back Britishness.

I would like to add that I think that to avoid a BNP-like take on Britishness then our children should be educated one our country, past, present and future. This will give them an educated view of their country and also they would have more respect for others around them, young and old.

Thankyou

And everybody’s happy now the good thing’s here to stay.

Tags: Jack Lawner, Ryan Blakeley

introduce legislation to protect cyclists from the danger of HGV’s.

by Alex Parsons-Moore

The use of heavy goods vehicles in an urban environment creates an unacceptable level of danger to cyclists. This petition calls for legislation to be implemented in order to reduce the risk to cyclists.

Rather than just saying, “Do something!” while waving your arms around in a pantomime manner, why don’t you actually offer suggestions for how to make it safer?

Tags: Alex Parsons-Moore

provide more Admiral Nurses to support carers of people with dementia.

by Mrs Louise John

The charity For Dementia, provides a vital service called “Admiral Nurses” who are specialist dementia nurses, working within the NHS, providing advice and support to carers of people with dementia. Unfortunately there are not enough Admiral Nurses in the country. Supporting people living with dementia is a national priority, as set out in the National Dementia Strategy. As Patron of For Dementia, John Suchet says, “Having access to an Admiral Nurse is currently a postcode lottery. How can that possibly be right? Every dementia carer should have access to an Admiral Nurse.” The number of people living with dementia is forecast to double within a generation. By 2025 there will be over 1 million people living with dementia in the UK. I urge you to provide more Admiral Nurses now.

I’m not against this petition at all – in fact I think there probably should be more Admiral Nurses to help those with dementia – but the problem here is Louise’s wording and the expectation, it seems, for Gordon Brown to somehow just be able to pluck more Admiral Nurses from the air.

Tags: Mrs Louise John

change the law so that men and women’s insurance costs are equal.

by Mr Toby Ratcliffe

Statistics say that women are better drivers as they are more careful and more considerate drivers than men. In the not so distant past men and women have fought for equality between the sexes and races, and now car insurance companies are hiding behind their statistics that are seen to be sexist in the eyes of equality protesters. All everybody wants is to be equal between each other and no company or corporation should be able to hide behind any statistics that judge you on your gender or what colour your skin is, and so this is why I believe that insurance companies should create equal costs for car insurance for men and women.

I’m a 23 year-old male. You know how expensive car insurance is for me? It’s not cheap, I’ll tell you that much. That’s the nature of car insurance – the young pay more than the old, the men pay more than the women. If you’re in a demographic which is statistically more likely to get in an accident then, well, you’re going to pay more for your insurance. Stop your whining, and stop trying to force sexism in a place where it doesn’t belong.

Tags: Mr Toby Ratcliffe