Archive for May, 2009

by Mr Dan Ross

It is absurd that upon the birth of a fourth child, myself and my partner’s housing benefit dropped due to the increased Child Tax Credits. I work a 44 hour week and all that has happened, rather than receive increased help with the new addition to the family, is that the increase in Tax Credits has been negated by the decrease in Housing Benefit, meaning our net household wealth has stayed the same, with a further mouth to feed. Child Tax Credits should be exempt from being counted as income for the purposes of Housing Benefit etc.

Stop having children you can’t fucking support, then.

by Mr Ian Kings

Currently VAT on children’s clothing is charged for ages 14+. If like us you have a child who has always been off the growth chart since birth and is currently age 10, but having to wear men’s clothing and shoes, then you too will be having to pay VAT on clothing for a child.
As a general rule our children are becoming larger/taller than before and this current guideline is outdated.
It would be comforting to know that our Government took the age of childhood seriously and decided that a child is a child whilst being dependent upon its parents (and that children’s clothes are still not luxury items).

I sort of vaguely wonder if, at any point during typing the title of this petition, Mr Kings noticed the glaring logical hole in his idea.

Bonus Material:

by Mr Toby Dore

I find it offensive that Police CCTV vans have a sign saying “Smile! You’re on CCTV” on the side of them. The implication is that the public are predisposed to committing crime and are only stopped from doing so because of the fear that they might be caught.

The vast majority of the population are not only law abiding, but go far beyond what is expected of them in order to make this country a pleasant place to live. The Police exist to serve us, not to treat us all as potential criminals.

I believe that these signs should be removed from all Police CCTV vans.

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by Lee Morris

Many people in the uk are diagnosed with a terminal illness,They or their parents (if children) should receive a one off payment to allow them to fulfill a dream, a holiday for example.

There are charities that do this already.

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by Daniel Robbins

Okay, I’m going to be very blunt, I’m speaking for millions of smokers when I say the tax rises are literally making tobacco inaccessible to people on low incomes. I’m not sure if that was the Governments agenda but It’s really making many people struggle.

I pay £6.02 for 20 of my cigarettes. Do you not think that is enough for the time being?

If tobacco sales stop, where will the government recieve its revenue? The ban on smoking inside pubs has nearly killed the pub industry.

Smokers cannot smoke indoors anymore, buying tobacco requires ID for those who look under 25 making underage tobacco consumption greatly reduced, what’s the problem?

Why does the government desperately feel the need to stop me from smoking? I’m fully aware of the risks, its written on every packet of cigarettes I purchase.

If the government feels so sour about people who smoke recieving free treatment from the NHS, ban smokers from recieving free medical care.

If smokers wish to pollute their bodies with carcinogenic substances that are destroying their health and nobody elses, thats our choice.

That you’d happily exchange free healthcare for cheaper cigarettes speaks volumes. You have a serious addiction, sir. Seek help.

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by Mr Husnain Altaf

Petition for a Prayer Room at Birmingham Central Library

The new library building will symbolize what Birmingham is: a global city with a local heart.

Cultural destination The new library is designed to draw people from not only the local population, but from all over the world as visitors to Birmingham, a city reborn as a cultural destination. The Library of Birmingham is designed to be a place for the dissemination of ideas and information, a social heart of the city; a second home for Birmingham’s diverse community.

…But it’s a library. I’m sure there are other places to pray in Birmingham.

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by Jason Drake

Scrap the TV licence for people on State Benefits such as Jobseeker’s Allowance, Income Support, Attendance Allowance, Disability Living Allowance and for those who are over 70 and on state pension.

Amazing. There are people out there who actually consider their TV to be a utility rather than a luxury.

by Riaz Bhatti

Do we really need to close schools up and down the country just to run elections? Surely we could use other sites.

I love that he says just to run elections, as though elections are largely trivial matters that have no impact on our day-to-day lives.

by David John Brady

Crushing a convicted drunk driver’s car would remove the ability to keep using the car and ignore their punishment.

This is, of course, a perfectly rational idea. Sorry, no, not rational. The other one. Ridiculous. Yes, that’s it.

I’ve not used the ‘I Petition The Prime Minister To Your Name Here’ tag before, but I rather think I’ve used it to its full potential here:

by brandon hyde of [his postcode] (rejected)

it will be great if you sign because i really care about African children

Don’t click through to his postcode. That wouldn’t be nice.

by Mrs L. Kimber (rejected)

reduce the pressure indicated.

I have no idea what this means.

These two clearly haven’t got the hang of petitioning — I mean, they’ve got the hang of obfuscatory nonsense, but they haven’t learned subtlety. Here’s one from the master…

by TERESA WRIGHT (rejected)

The EU and UN do nothing to help christians who are murdered over their faith and put in prison.

Action is needed to help the suffering church world wide. We need to address to the world leaders about what is going on behind closed doors.

You can not excuse what is happing out there this abusive behaviour towards human rights. EVERY VOICE COUNTS AND WE WILL NOT BE SILENT OVER THE TREATMENT OF CHRISTIANS. THIS IS GOING ON TORTURE, RAPE AND IMPRISONMENT OF HUMAN BEINGS.

WHERE IS THE JUSTICE TO SPEAK UP AND STAND UP FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN DISTRESS AND SCARED TO DO IT FOR THEMSELVES?

That’s the stuff. Note the technique. An evocative but incredibly vague and misleading title, followed by an increasingly shouty rant underneath it. And to cap it all, a somewhat offensive dismissal of the suffering of people who don’t accept Jesus as their saviour.

Lastly, here are two people who have solved the MPs expenses scandal in the same way:

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by Gabriel Rychert (rejected)

The members of the CATLIN ARCTIC SURVEY are in the Arctic to measure the thickness of the Ice Sheet to PROVE that “Man Made Climate Change” exists. There is no scientific basis that proves the existence of a “Man Made Climate Change”. The current theory that “Man Made” CO2 warms our climate is wrong, CO2 does NOT lead temperatures, it has already been scientifically proven that CO2 follows the Earth warming. The current warming from the past 50-60 years is from an active Sun and NOT Man.

Here is Gabriel’s apparent thought process here.

  1. Someone once told me that global warming is just made up.
  2. That would be nice.
  3. Therefore nobody should be allowed to prove it false.
  4. There is no particular benefit in discovering things that are true.

I especially like that he puts ‘Man Made’ in quotes before the phrase ‘CO2′. I can see how you might think CO2 lags temperature; that’s superficially plausible, although I’m unaware of any reasonable mechanism by which it could do so. But… all those cars, homes, factories, cattle and people pumping out CO2, and you don’t think CO2 is man-made? Those two punctuation marks clearly delimit the point where this argument stops making any sense.

Don’t you people proofread?

by Mr Kevin Ginns

Many new teenage drivers are blatently not to be trusted behind the wheel of a car. They drive ‘properly’ to pass their test, then drive without regard for road safety in their Corsas and Subaru Imprezas. A psychological test would help to weed out these individuals, prior to taking their test. A ‘fail’ would stop them taking their test for another year.

Except it’s just a tad Ageist, isn’t it Mr Ginns? I bet if someone forced your age range to mandatory psychological testing you’d kick up a real stink about it.

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by Ms I. Walker

Introduce a license fee, payable per child, for people that want to have more than two children.

This would be purchased from the Government and the money raised would go to help the running of this country.

This limit upon families would help lower the UK’s massive population, and so encourage other countries to follow suit.

And what if a third child happens by accident? I guess the parents would have to be arrested, depriving their two pre-existing children of a mother and father. Well, it’s only fair, isn’t it? I mean, they don’t have a license.

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by Master Miles Hay

How often do you go into a store and see a food you think is suitable for vegetarians/vegans, yet the packaging does not provide a V sign? Or have you gone to find a food that you think is vegetarian/vegan, but but you do not know becuase you have a lack of knowledge of many of the additives’ specific names and does not bare the V sign? After signing this petition I hope that this situation is addressed

Alternatively you could use some common ruddy sense and look at the list of ingredients, you plumb.

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by Bruce Denney

All persons looking after animals (both commercial and domestic) should be required to sit an exam to demonstrate they have sufficient knowledge of the animals in their charge to be able to look after them properly and to be responsible guardians.

The exams should be aimed at ensuring adequate care, not ensuring that particular groups can have particular pets e.g. 7 year old having small rodents. The exams should be relevant to the animal types concerned and the cost of the exam relative to the degree of knowledge required to be tested.

…and people who fail the exam will have to make do with having kids like everybody else.

by Catherine Bell

I propose that a national register of dogs is set up with mandatory registration for all dogs owned in the UK, and DNA records kept on all dogs. The purpose of this would be to prevent owners from allowing their dogs to foul in public places and not pick up the mess left behind by their pets. Environmental departments of the councils of the UK would have the power to take samples of dog mess left in public places for DNA testing and then issue fines to owners. Spot checks would also need to be carried out by vets and environmental wardens to ensure that dog owners had registered their dogs and had the appropriate paperwork in place.

Really? That’s what you want to spend tax payers’ money on? Doing DNA analysis of random bits of dog shit found in parks and on the pavement? Honestly, I expect better of a Saturn Award winning actress.

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by Mr Ian Longstaff

Please find below my suggestion for fixing Britain’s economy. Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 20 million people over 50 in the work force. – Pay them £1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings – Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new British CAR. Twenty million cars ordered – Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage – Housing Crisis fixed.

4) They must send their kids to school / college /university – Crime rate fixed

5) Buy £50 of alcohol / tobacco a week there’s your money back in duty / tax etc

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back there falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

Ignoring the crushing financial blow of the Government giving away £20,000,000,000,000, let’s address each point individually:

  1. Workforce shortage, plus a potential shortage of people who may be qualified to perform the tasks previously performed by the over-50s – British companies come grinding to a halt.
  2. There aren’t 20 million cars currently in existence. They would have to be manufactured first. 20 million cars cannot be pulled out of thin air, especially when there are precious few car factories within the UK. In order to meet the quota, current factories have to divert all attention to the new cars. Sales of other cars are crippled because demand cannot meet supply. – Auto industry even more screwed.
  3. Not everyone who owns a house is over 50 years old. – Housing Crisis only patched temporarily.
  4. It is naive to think that just giving kids an education will “fix” the Crime Rate. I went to school with plenty of people who have become criminals of varying degrees. – Crime Rate remains unchanged.
  5. People over 50 wind up becoming dependent on alcohol and tobacco, costing the NHS even more money when they inevitably die, become seriously ill, or try to overcome their addiction.
Honestly, this is probably the single worst idea I have ever seen anyone petition the Prime Minister with. It’s a disaster across the board.

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by Paul Morant of Sense With Roads, swr-uk.com

The general 30 mph speed limit is fine for most built up or residential areas.

20 mph is too slow for most roads.

Drivers should be encouraged to use their judgement, not constantly watch their speedometer.

If there are lots of pedestrians about, say near a school, then 20 is too fast. When the the road is quiet, 20 is too slow.

20 limits on road where 30 is allowed now would add 50% to journeys.

They would increase fuel consumption and pollution.

Lower limits encourage people to take chances and make it harder to predict what a vehicle will do.

Road safety and casualty reduction can be better improved by other measures.

If a 20 limit is really necessary, then this should be introduced on a individual case-by-case basis.

Speed limits should only be changed on an evidence-based analysis of accidents in the road in question, not an emotional reaction to a populist campaign.

This petition sounded reasonable until that nonsense made-up “add 50% to journeys” bollocks in the middle. And how do you introduce speed limits on a “case-by-case basis”? What case, exactly? The case of someone getting their skull split open by a reckless driver, perhaps?

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by abdulqadir of islam4mankind

As an equal rights country we should have rights to Holidays for religious days for all religions for example Eid and Diwali etc. There was a time when the police force had no blacks or asains but now there are many and actually want more. i think this partition is all fair for all who live here expecially those who were born here. For example a muslim born in britain should have rights to a holiday for his/her religious celebration,its ok for him to pay council tax, income tax national insurance etc but he doesnt get his rights as a british citizen. This is possible we know that and the government knows that and hopefully this will happen. Tust like the police force eventually accepted asains and blacks so will its government. All races all religions lets make this happen lets all have a annual holiday on our religious days. (Ammen…. Ameen… inshallah…..Hopefully with the will of god……)

Yes. Every religion. Including Shazanity, the online religion that anyone can edit.

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by Paul Morris

Isn’t it daft to have aminimum wage then tax people? Seems to me this should be the tax threshold starting point. Increase tax on the higher paid once they earn over minimum wage. Many single people, and childless couples are on Min wage, this would increase their spending power, stimulate the economy.It would also reduce the amount of benefit agency staff and tax collectors..another saving!

No Paul, it’s not daft at all. You just don’t have a keen grasp on how the Real World works. Case in point: How does not charging tax on people who are working result in a reduction of “benefit agency staff”? Unemployed people don’t earn minimum wage. They don’t earn anything.

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by Miss Georgina Groocock

Menstruation is a natural part of female biology and yet whenever women buy the essential products needed to hygienically deal with this process we are paying extra. This should not be the case. Bandages have no VAT and neither does contraception, so why do tampons or towels have to?

Petitions of this nature have already been made but without enough publicity they have been unheard and now are closed. Spread the word and get this message out there.

This is at least the third petition I’ve seen asking for exactly this. And every time I provide a list of other things that everybody needs to do, and a list of other items that we could take VAT off, and in so doing potentially cripple the Government’s financial income. I’m not going to do that again. Instead, I’m just going to post a picture of a sad clown.

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by Mr Charlie MONCK

Under my idea, if “No Candidate” got the most votes in a constituency, a new election would he held in that constituency, but with none of the original candidates who received more than 10% (say) of the vote allowed to stand. The remaining (“small party” and “single issue”) candidates (who are an essential and colourful feature of our elections) would not have to pay another registration fee for the new election. The proposal would allow the electorate to have more control when non-local candidates are foisted upon them, as well as enfranchising many who currently feel disenfranchised by the choice of candidates available to them.

No it wouldn’t. It’d be a waste of ink on the ballot. If you decide not to vote, you can do so by simply not voting.

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by Sam Ellison

i feel that if alcohol is completly banned in the uk that the crime rate will descend rapidly and will be less of a drain on tax payers money for alcohollics to sit on state benfits and drink alcohol and the drunks on the streets who are offensive and abusive and this will be a problem of the past.

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by Frazer Thompson of English Wines Group

Are you fed up with Government receptions serving French Champagne, Chilean Merlot and Brazilian beers with Portuguese strawberries, French asparagus and apples and butter? Why are we so obsessed with sourcing food and drink as cheaply and as badly as possible? We must support British food and drink to the absolute exclusion of all other products and give this growing and important sector a boost and some pride in our food and drink culture.

Is it too much to think that a representative of the “English Wines Group” would know where Champagne comes from? The clue, as they say, is in the name. Also, everything else that’s wrong with his idea.

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by JONATHAN SPENCER

Most telephone directories distributed throughout the United Kingdom are literally a waste of space. How often are these expensive books used by the the typical household? Quite apart from the costs of production and distribution which are borne by the consumer, whether wanted or not, there are the environmental costs of production and disposal. For most people, the information contained in these directories may be easily obtained elsewhere. For those people who do rely on paper directories, make such directories available on request.

Yes. And, if nothing else, it’ll help prevent personal information being just left around where anyone can find it.

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by mr paul johnson

people are breaking the laws of the highway code regarding parking issues on a daily basis and the police are reluctant to enforce the law.all these problems have come about due to changes in the law which have passed parking issues to local councils who are confused as to what action they can legally take.

That’s a bit of a strange logical leap, isn’t it? It’s like saying, “Supermarkets are allowed to have their own-branded orange juice. Therefore I think we should shut down all supermarkets everywhere forever because clearly there’s no consensus on how orange juice should be packaged!” Only, y’know, stupider.

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by davidchristian

i want to get rid of dettentions if this cannot be done then get rid of principals detentios this is the 21st century why should we cling on to 19th century inventions if we continue to issue detentions then children everywhere will hate to come to school and will not learn i think that better punishments should be used. not the age old trick of telling your students to come in a break lunch and after school.

Clearly somebody has been getting plenty of “detintions” for not paying attention in English.

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Dear Prime Minister,

We the undersigned haven’t heard about the European Union’s ruling that the UK should rid itself of its DNA database. This is because our primary source of information is probably the Daily Mail, or possibly the Sun.

by Mr Robert Skedgell

It has been stated by ACPO that innocent people have nothing to fear from their DNA being retained even after acquittal. Since police officers must necessarily visit the scenes of crimes, it is reasonable that their DNA be added to the national DNA database and retained for 12 years after leaving the force (or indefinitely in the case of dismissal or resignation while under investigation for misconduct).

Any police officer not enrolled on the DNA database should be prevented from taking a DNA sample from a suspect, or accessing the database in the course of an investigation. This would be a reasonable safeguard against the use of a system by a police officer who clearly has no confidence in it.

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by R Gower

I cannot see what the innocent have to fear from having their DNA recorded at birth. In fact I can see some benefits like settling paternity disputes for a start, an errant father could be tracked down and made to pay his dues!

A person might think twice about committing a crime if they know their DNA might bring them to book.

I think Gower would have better luck with his petition were he to use a slightly less sinister verb. “Harvest” makes him sound like a mad Scientist, or an alien who feeds on genetic material. Also: Didn’t the EU tell us we couldn’t do this anymore?

by Brett Mayes

All secondary school students should not have to wear ties, blazers/jumpers, shirts smart trousers smart shoes etc. This is because we should be able to express ourselves through our clothing and also so we can all be different.

This is exactly the sort of thing we should be troubling the Prime Minister with. Bonus: There’s only one serious signature on the thing and, so far, three comical responses.

by Mr Fraser Armour

This petition is to have the VAT which is placed on motorcycle safety equipment reduced to zero. Currently all motorcycle safety equipment, that is helmets, gloves, boots, leather/Textile jackets/trousers/suits etc. are charged with 15% of VAT.

Should the Prime Minister reduce the cost of any CE approved equipment by this 15% he will be encouraging motorcycle to invest in their safety by wearing more protective clothing. Where as it is the choice by some, and this petition does not seek to change the law on required apparel, to wear little more protective than a helmet , others face the financial constraints of not being ale to afford good safety equipment.

This change will help the government move towards its target of reducing serious injury and death to motorcyclists by actively encouraging the use of CE approved equipment. The reduction in VAT revenue is negligible to the financial cost sayings to both health services and emotional cost to families.

Protect our skin Prime Minister.

Oh, not this again. Protect your own bloody skin. If you didn’t want to pay through the nose for expensive safety gear perhaps you should have chosen a slightly less dangerous method of transportation.

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