Won’t Someone Please Think Of The Surplus Children?

Posted by Andrew @ May 30th, 2009 11:55 am. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Free,Can't someone else pay the VAT?,I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,The PM Is The Bloke Who Runs The Football Right?,Why Should I Have To Go To Work?,Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?

by Mr Dan Ross

It is absurd that upon the birth of a fourth child, myself and my partner’s housing benefit dropped due to the increased Child Tax Credits. I work a 44 hour week and all that has happened, rather than receive increased help with the new addition to the family, is that the increase in Tax Credits has been negated by the decrease in Housing Benefit, meaning our net household wealth has stayed the same, with a further mouth to feed. Child Tax Credits should be exempt from being counted as income for the purposes of Housing Benefit etc.

Stop having children you can’t fucking support, then.

by Mr Ian Kings

Currently VAT on children’s clothing is charged for ages 14+. If like us you have a child who has always been off the growth chart since birth and is currently age 10, but having to wear men’s clothing and shoes, then you too will be having to pay VAT on clothing for a child.
As a general rule our children are becoming larger/taller than before and this current guideline is outdated.
It would be comforting to know that our Government took the age of childhood seriously and decided that a child is a child whilst being dependent upon its parents (and that children’s clothes are still not luxury items).

I sort of vaguely wonder if, at any point during typing the title of this petition, Mr Kings noticed the glaring logical hole in his idea.

Bonus Material:

Comments (2)

Misery Guts

Posted by Ben @ May 27th, 2009 3:58 pm. Filed under: Dear Gordon - I was born without a sense of humour...,Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me,I Pay Taxes So You Have To Do Anything I Say,Oh Yeah? Let's See You Write A Better Petition!,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,The Sad Clown — Tags:

by Mr Toby Dore

I find it offensive that Police CCTV vans have a sign saying “Smile! You’re on CCTV” on the side of them. The implication is that the public are predisposed to committing crime and are only stopped from doing so because of the fear that they might be caught.

The vast majority of the population are not only law abiding, but go far beyond what is expected of them in order to make this country a pleasant place to live. The Police exist to serve us, not to treat us all as potential criminals.

I believe that these signs should be removed from all Police CCTV vans.

Comments (2)

Make a Wish

Posted by Ben @ May 27th, 2009 3:53 pm. Filed under: Not Government Business,There's Already A Solution But Don't Let That Stop You From Bothering The PM — Tags:

by Lee Morris

Many people in the uk are diagnosed with a terminal illness,They or their parents (if children) should receive a one off payment to allow them to fulfill a dream, a holiday for example.

There are charities that do this already.

Comments (0)

An Expensive Habit

Posted by Ben @ May 27th, 2009 3:47 pm. Filed under: I Am A Brain!,Really REALLY Bad Ideas,There's Already A Solution But Don't Let That Stop You From Bothering The PM,Unreasonable Demands — Tags:

by Daniel Robbins

Okay, I’m going to be very blunt, I’m speaking for millions of smokers when I say the tax rises are literally making tobacco inaccessible to people on low incomes. I’m not sure if that was the Governments agenda but It’s really making many people struggle.

I pay £6.02 for 20 of my cigarettes. Do you not think that is enough for the time being?

If tobacco sales stop, where will the government recieve its revenue? The ban on smoking inside pubs has nearly killed the pub industry.

Smokers cannot smoke indoors anymore, buying tobacco requires ID for those who look under 25 making underage tobacco consumption greatly reduced, what’s the problem?

Why does the government desperately feel the need to stop me from smoking? I’m fully aware of the risks, its written on every packet of cigarettes I purchase.

If the government feels so sour about people who smoke recieving free treatment from the NHS, ban smokers from recieving free medical care.

If smokers wish to pollute their bodies with carcinogenic substances that are destroying their health and nobody elses, thats our choice.

That you’d happily exchange free healthcare for cheaper cigarettes speaks volumes. You have a serious addiction, sir. Seek help.

Comments (1)

“Dear Lord…” / “Shhhhhh!”

Posted by Ben @ May 27th, 2009 3:42 pm. Filed under: Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself — Tags:

by Mr Husnain Altaf

Petition for a Prayer Room at Birmingham Central Library

The new library building will symbolize what Birmingham is: a global city with a local heart.

Cultural destination The new library is designed to draw people from not only the local population, but from all over the world as visitors to Birmingham, a city reborn as a cultural destination. The Library of Birmingham is designed to be a place for the dissemination of ideas and information, a social heart of the city; a second home for Birmingham’s diverse community.

…But it’s a library. I’m sure there are other places to pray in Birmingham.

Comments (0)

Scrap The School-Crushing License

Posted by Ben @ May 27th, 2009 3:39 pm. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Free,I'm Keeping The Whole Class Back

by Jason Drake

Scrap the TV licence for people on State Benefits such as Jobseeker’s Allowance, Income Support, Attendance Allowance, Disability Living Allowance and for those who are over 70 and on state pension.

Amazing. There are people out there who actually consider their TV to be a utility rather than a luxury.

by Riaz Bhatti

Do we really need to close schools up and down the country just to run elections? Surely we could use other sites.

I love that he says just to run elections, as though elections are largely trivial matters that have no impact on our day-to-day lives.

by David John Brady

Crushing a convicted drunk driver’s car would remove the ability to keep using the car and ignore their punishment.

This is, of course, a perfectly rational idea. Sorry, no, not rational. The other one. Ridiculous. Yes, that’s it.

Comments (1)

Ooh! Ooh! Pick Me, Sir! Ooh!

Posted by Andrew @ May 20th, 2009 4:36 pm. Filed under: Gibberish,I Petition The Government To Your Name Here,Oh Yeah? Let's See You Write A Better Petition!,Rejected Petitions,What Would Idiot-Jesus Do? — Tags:

I’ve not used the ‘I Petition The Prime Minister To Your Name Here’ tag before, but I rather think I’ve used it to its full potential here:

by brandon hyde of [his postcode] (rejected)

it will be great if you sign because i really care about African children

Don’t click through to his postcode. That wouldn’t be nice.

by Mrs L. Kimber (rejected)

reduce the pressure indicated.

I have no idea what this means.

These two clearly haven’t got the hang of petitioning — I mean, they’ve got the hang of obfuscatory nonsense, but they haven’t learned subtlety. Here’s one from the master…

by TERESA WRIGHT (rejected)

The EU and UN do nothing to help christians who are murdered over their faith and put in prison.

Action is needed to help the suffering church world wide. We need to address to the world leaders about what is going on behind closed doors.

You can not excuse what is happing out there this abusive behaviour towards human rights. EVERY VOICE COUNTS AND WE WILL NOT BE SILENT OVER THE TREATMENT OF CHRISTIANS. THIS IS GOING ON TORTURE, RAPE AND IMPRISONMENT OF HUMAN BEINGS.

WHERE IS THE JUSTICE TO SPEAK UP AND STAND UP FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN DISTRESS AND SCARED TO DO IT FOR THEMSELVES?

That’s the stuff. Note the technique. An evocative but incredibly vague and misleading title, followed by an increasingly shouty rant underneath it. And to cap it all, a somewhat offensive dismissal of the suffering of people who don’t accept Jesus as their saviour.

Lastly, here are two people who have solved the MPs expenses scandal in the same way:

Comments (5)

Don’t blame it on the boogie…

Posted by Andrew @ May 17th, 2009 6:44 am. Filed under: Is Research The Same Thing As Making Shit Up? Good.,Rejected Petitions,Stand Back! I'm Going To Try SCIENCE!

by Gabriel Rychert (rejected)

The members of the CATLIN ARCTIC SURVEY are in the Arctic to measure the thickness of the Ice Sheet to PROVE that “Man Made Climate Change” exists. There is no scientific basis that proves the existence of a “Man Made Climate Change”. The current theory that “Man Made” CO2 warms our climate is wrong, CO2 does NOT lead temperatures, it has already been scientifically proven that CO2 follows the Earth warming. The current warming from the past 50-60 years is from an active Sun and NOT Man.

Here is Gabriel’s apparent thought process here.

  1. Someone once told me that global warming is just made up.
  2. That would be nice.
  3. Therefore nobody should be allowed to prove it false.
  4. There is no particular benefit in discovering things that are true.

I especially like that he puts ‘Man Made’ in quotes before the phrase ‘CO2′. I can see how you might think CO2 lags temperature; that’s superficially plausible, although I’m unaware of any reasonable mechanism by which it could do so. But… all those cars, homes, factories, cattle and people pumping out CO2, and you don’t think CO2 is man-made? Those two punctuation marks clearly delimit the point where this argument stops making any sense.

Don’t you people proofread?

Comments (0)

Freud Safety

Posted by Ben @ May 14th, 2009 7:00 pm. Filed under: These Kids Today With Their Modern Haircuts And Hippetty-Hop Music,Unnecessary Bureaucracy,Unreasonable Demands,What A Dick — Tags:

by Mr Kevin Ginns

Many new teenage drivers are blatently not to be trusted behind the wheel of a car. They drive ‘properly’ to pass their test, then drive without regard for road safety in their Corsas and Subaru Imprezas. A psychological test would help to weed out these individuals, prior to taking their test. A ‘fail’ would stop them taking their test for another year.

Except it’s just a tad Ageist, isn’t it Mr Ginns? I bet if someone forced your age range to mandatory psychological testing you’d kick up a real stink about it.

Comments (0)

Planning a Third Child? Fill Out This Form

Posted by Ben @ May 14th, 2009 6:56 pm. Filed under: Really REALLY Bad Ideas — Tags:

by Ms I. Walker

Introduce a license fee, payable per child, for people that want to have more than two children.

This would be purchased from the Government and the money raised would go to help the running of this country.

This limit upon families would help lower the UK’s massive population, and so encourage other countries to follow suit.

And what if a third child happens by accident? I guess the parents would have to be arrested, depriving their two pre-existing children of a mother and father. Well, it’s only fair, isn’t it? I mean, they don’t have a license.

Comments (4)

And what would you like to drink, Kowalski?

Posted by Ben @ May 14th, 2009 6:50 pm. Filed under: Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me,There's Already A Solution But Don't Let That Stop You From Bothering The PM — Tags:

by Master Miles Hay

How often do you go into a store and see a food you think is suitable for vegetarians/vegans, yet the packaging does not provide a V sign? Or have you gone to find a food that you think is vegetarian/vegan, but but you do not know becuase you have a lack of knowledge of many of the additives’ specific names and does not bare the V sign? After signing this petition I hope that this situation is addressed

Alternatively you could use some common ruddy sense and look at the list of ingredients, you plumb.

Comments (1)

It’s a Dog-Gone Shame

Posted by Ben @ May 14th, 2009 7:12 am. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Mandatory,Featuring A Special Celebrity Guest!,Invading The Animal Kingdom — Tags: ,

by Bruce Denney

All persons looking after animals (both commercial and domestic) should be required to sit an exam to demonstrate they have sufficient knowledge of the animals in their charge to be able to look after them properly and to be responsible guardians.

The exams should be aimed at ensuring adequate care, not ensuring that particular groups can have particular pets e.g. 7 year old having small rodents. The exams should be relevant to the animal types concerned and the cost of the exam relative to the degree of knowledge required to be tested.

…and people who fail the exam will have to make do with having kids like everybody else.

by Catherine Bell

I propose that a national register of dogs is set up with mandatory registration for all dogs owned in the UK, and DNA records kept on all dogs. The purpose of this would be to prevent owners from allowing their dogs to foul in public places and not pick up the mess left behind by their pets. Environmental departments of the councils of the UK would have the power to take samples of dog mess left in public places for DNA testing and then issue fines to owners. Spot checks would also need to be carried out by vets and environmental wardens to ensure that dog owners had registered their dogs and had the appropriate paperwork in place.

Really? That’s what you want to spend tax payers’ money on? Doing DNA analysis of random bits of dog shit found in parks and on the pavement? Honestly, I expect better of a Saturn Award winning actress.

Comments (2)

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