Posted by Andrew @ March 31st, 2009 9:28 am. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Free,I Deserve Free Money Because Of The Credit Crunch,Rejected Petitions,Unworkable Ideas —
I think people should be more specific in their petitions.
the abuse by Local authorities of Health & Safty Law concerning Falling over of Gravestones as It is being Enforced too heavy handedly thus causing many Bereaved people agreat deal of stress.

More details cannot be shown
Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s already illegal. Also, we’re bound by Petition Lore to rename you The People’s Jane.
And now, some other fun petitions from the recent batch:
Posted by Andrew @ March 26th, 2009 12:19 pm. Filed under: "Making Britain Great Again",Duplicate Petitions,Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself,Not Government Business,Rejected Petitions,Stand Back! I'm Going To Try SCIENCE!,What A Load Of Bankers,You Can't Spell "Spam" Without The PM —
This banking furore has gone on long enough! We need to hit them where it hurts!
Due to the mishandling of Billions of Pounds over the last number of years from the tax payer, I ask the PM to put a vote to The House of Commons to rename "Bank Holidays" to "Public Holidays". This is for the simple reason that we, the public should receive recognition for what we do right in the UK.
Yeah!
Some in this country claim that they are opposed to our way of life and would rather live in an Islamic state under sharia law. Not all are terrorists. Some produce and distribute jihadist literature, preach radical sermons or protest against the British Armed Forces.
They claim to be opposed to our way of life so I propose we offer them the choice of living without the many benefits of this way of life. Anyone committing the above or similar acts should be asked in a public, televised interview if they would like to do without access to the advantages of living here.
If they say "yes" we will deny them access to Government services – benefits, university, public sector employment, the NHS (save for emergency treatment) etc. They will be subject to the law of the land for as long as they stay here but they will forfeit all advantages of living here.
If they say "no" we will leave them as they are except that they will have to do some community service and promise to buck up their ideas. If they choose not to honour those conditions they will be denied access to Government services.
They can choose what to do but the choice should have consequences.
Or, maybe we could just allow them to go live someplace else if they want.
* The whole wide spectrum of Complementary and Alternative Medicine (CAM) is not being treated fairly by this particular UK Labour Government : Far much more (high level) support is urgently required.
After having his last petition rejected, Joseph Chikelue Obi has had another go. Unfortunately, it’s still a really dumb idea.
Hi, I am from Turkey, may be lots of people doesn’t know where is Turkey!!!
But I am living in London, and I have a citizien United States.
In Turkey, lot of people must to travel like Europen or the other countries, but all of the Europen countries want to visa (in Turkish "vize"), all the people take these visas (vize) from Alovize.com.
These is the best visa application website in Turkey and they give visas.
I cannot understand why anyone would think that submitting an advert as a petition is a good idea. I’m pretty sure Gordon Brown could get a visa on his own — and that he does indeed know where Turkey is.
Noel Edmonds has in the past and continues to support and assist those people who need an ally in their times of need albeit a single person or an entire community. At this present time he is doing this without any finacial reward to himself but with great emotional and finacal support to others, a selfless deed which is rare and exceptionally commenable in this day and age. Noel is showing that one man and his team CAN make a difference, lets all learn from him and make Britain Great once again.
Criminally underated Leeds band, THE MUSIC need to release their best track from their last album.
They should be forced to do so.
I definitely think that any time a band fails to release the best song on an album as a single it is time for government intervention.
Posted by Andrew @ March 25th, 2009 8:16 pm. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Free,Everything MPs Have Is Part Of The Expenses Scandal,Rejected Petitions,We Petition The PM To Climb This Wall Of Text,Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children? — Tags: Edward Manning —
MPs should not be paid a salary or expenses by the tax payer. They represent political groups. Therefore, they should be paid by the political party they represent.
As a satirical point about MPs loyalties this is perhaps laudable. As a serious petition, it’s alarming. I don’t know which it was intended as, but it’s running as the latter.
Jade Goody has been an inspiration to thousands of woman in her battle with cancer and shown time and time again she is the real people’s princess. A bank holiday to remember her by is a fitting tribute.
No it isn’t a fitting tribute. Jade Goody was known principally as the thick one off of Big Brother, after which she became the slightly racist one off of Big Brother, and then she got a terminal disease and everyone suddenly decided that she was some kind of princess, because ever since Diana (who was also not a princess) they think that ‘princess’ means ‘dead blonde’. A fitting tribute would be to pull a random person off the street every March 23rd and spin a big wheel with pink segments marked ‘praise’ and black segments marked ‘vilify’, whereupon the tabloids would relentlessly hound the lucky winner for the rest of the year until someone else came along the following March. A fitting tribute is that the American Heritage Dictionary defines ‘jade’ as
v., jad·ed, jad·ing, jades.
v.tr.To wear out, as by overuse or overindulgence. See synonyms at tire.
Okay.
The social services of Edinburgh have taken two young children from there grandparents who have been fully capable and lawful in there upbringing of the said children in favour of placing these children in the custody of two same-sex men. The service stated that the said grandparents were too old and too unfit for rearing them despite both being approximately 50 and only suffering from minor illnesses. This discrimination was met with alleged threats of never being able to see there grandchildren and bullying by the service if they ever spoke out or contested the services decision. These grandparents are the most capable and natural persons for charge of these children, yet despite the children being most comfortable with the grandparents the service have became bigoted and entrenched in giving these children to two unrelated unknown same sex men. Despite one of the children having an innate fear of men, the council are determined in executing this decision and we the people of the united kingdom hear by compel the prime minister to veto this action for the better welfare of the children by giving them to there natural relatives who have a good record of looking after them.
I don’t know if I agree with the council’s decision (although I haven’t all the facts) but I do know that I disagree with your use of the terms ‘bigoted’, ‘discriminating’ and ‘veto’, which I assume were included to give the illusion that you know what you’re talking about.
I also like the fact that Gillon keeps referring to them as ‘two same-sex men’. As if there could be any other kind.
He just wants arbitrary discounts for random groups? How much do you want to bet that Manning has a financial dependant with special needs? (I’m going to be grown up and not do a ‘special needs’ joke.)
Posted by Andrew @ March 25th, 2009 7:18 pm. Filed under: Only joking!,Rejected Petitions — Tags: Dave B —
Let’s see if Dave B can come up with a good idea.
Chocochops are a chocolate chop on a real chop bone. It’s a fantastic product with an already existing market base. Starting up such a factory is a great method of engaging in countercyclical spending in these recessionary times.
No…
‘Mashups’ are pieces of music where elements of two songs are taken and mashed together- Enya VS Prodigy, for example. If the PM’s speeches are mashed with songs, then it will be very popular with young people.
No…
At night when I snuggle up with my teddy, I sometimes find it hard to fall asleep. I want the PM to come and read me bedtime stories and maybe stroke my hair.
No…
DO IT
Yeah, yeah, we all know it’s you.
What? How many is that now?
I see.
Posted by Andrew @ March 24th, 2009 2:55 pm. Filed under: Everything MPs Have Is Part Of The Expenses Scandal,Rejected Petitions,Stand Back! I'm Going To Try SCIENCE!,There's No Time For Thinking!,What Would Idiot-Jesus Do? — Tags: Teresa Wright (and her best buddy Jesus) —
The sleaze must be stopped.
In the mist of a recession, where the majority of people are struggling to make end meet, we see yet another MP taking advantage of the taxpayer.
We know there is to be an investigation. But it must be immediate. To wait until the next general election is unacceptable.
All MP’s expenses must be stopped immediately until a thorough and transparent investigation in undertaken by an external auditor. MP’s investigating MP’s will not appease the public.
Any MP found to be abusing the system, must return every penny they have claimed.
If you think MPs are doing a bad job, then surely taking away all of their resources is going to make the situation worse?
Oh, do shut up, Teresa. Nice URL, by the way.
www.NHSAlternativeMedicine.com
Mostly I’m sharing this so I can boost our Joseph Chikelue Obi Googlebomb. But it’s still stupid.
Posted by Ben @ March 23rd, 2009 4:52 pm. Filed under: Featuring A Special Celebrity Guest!,NOOOOOO!!! —
Honour Jade Goody with a state funeral, so that her millions of admirers and well wishers may attend.

Posted by Ben @ March 23rd, 2009 4:50 pm. Filed under: Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,There's Already A Solution But Don't Let That Stop You From Bothering The PM,What's a Local Council?,Young, Dumb, And Online —
Leicester is a good city, but it’s always lacking that “thing” that people know it for. The nearest snowdome is still atleast a minimum of an hours drive away to tamworth! The costs alone of that even if you can’t drive is ridiculous via train! We need something more local that would generate more interest in the sport for the people of leicester! So please, build us a snow dome in Leicester so that the pointless travelling can stop, so that leicester finally has that “thing” to be recognised for and so that more young people can get learning snow sports rather than messing around on the streets of leicester!
I don’t really think that’s up to him, is it?
As the Prime Minister has himself reportedly recently discovered when President Obama gave him some DVDs, because of the region encoding it is not possible to play lawfully-acquired DVDs from one region on a lawfully-acquired player in another.
The government should pressurise the companies concerned to remove this restriction and adopt, if necessary, appropriate anti-piracy measures.
Or you could invest £50 in a nice multi-region DVD player.
Posted by Ben @ March 23rd, 2009 1:52 pm. Filed under: Anything I Want Should Be Free,Don't Worry About What THEY Want,Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me,Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself,Only joking!,Presumably The Prime Minister Is Not Too Busy,Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?,spelin an grammer —
I’m convinced this one is a joke:
If Nightclubs were to provide a range of cheese based snack products to their customers during the course of a night, it would help to cut down drunken violence as people would have either sobered up from the consumption of cheese, or just be too bloated from the consumption of cheese to bother trying to start fights or indulge in unruly behaviour.
This one, however, sadly isn’t:
To legalise assisted suicide would completely negate the art of healing and caring.Killing and murder would be the name of the game and doctors and nurses might allow themselves to be persuaded to commit these crimes if they are not strong enough to stand up for what is right. Society would suffer severely as a long term result. We need to promote a common good not a common evil.
Because, y’know, there’s no ailment or illness that medical science cannot overcome, right? I’m absolutely certain that Dr Murphy has never had to say, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing more we can do.” Probably because Dr Murphy has been secretly working on cures to every single human disease and medical problem in a large underground bunker somewhere. Or something.
Meanwhile, public transport is in the shitter!
Ever since the government introduced FREE concessionary bus travel for over 60′s the british bus industry has suffered a lack of income resulting in increased fares for paying passengers and decreased income for the companies that provide that free transport. The bus companies are not paid the full fare for every pensioner that travels on a bus without paying. Instead they are paid around a third of the registered fare, this is in some cases causing small bus companies hardship which in Swindon in wiltshire is contributing to a bigger problem that is resulting in reduction in services and therfore driver requirement. Please sign the petition to remove free concessionary bus travel to those who are able to pay and only give free travel to those who are unable to walk a reasonable distance to shops and servies. I must state that I am not saying that nobody should be allowed free bus travel, the infirm and disabled that are unable to pay or have no other means of transport should still be allowed to travel for free but those who have the means should pay the half fare which was in place before this free travel rule came into force.
Or maybe it isn’t!
The Government want parents to stop using cars to transport children to school, and more people to use public transport. Surely free bus travel for unders 16′s and under 25′s in full time education would encourage people to ditch there cars, which would help with congestion and pollution to the enviroment. Will also encourage more walking, promoting a more active lifestyle.
I’m so confused.
Posted by Andrew @ March 21st, 2009 4:22 pm. Filed under: "Making Britain Great Again",I Am A Brain!,I Deserve Free Money Because Of The Credit Crunch,In Which We Mock The Petition Site Itself,Lies Damn Lies And Nonsense Statistics,Lord Knows I Ask Not For Myself,Rejected Petitions,Thinking Things Through Is Just Not British,Unworkable Ideas —
The recession could be easily solved by giving all UK families one million pound sterling, this would boost the economy as the money would be spent in shops & saved in banks. This would mean a total investment by the government of approximately £40 million pounds with the current UK population of some 67 million people. The government has already thrown several billion pounds of tax payers money into the banking system yet banks are still failing to financially boost the economy with business’s going bust & repossessions at a all time high. With this proposal people would once again be able to pay their mortgages, there would be nobody on benefits as they would be over the threshold! There would be hardly any need for any social housing! The overall cost to the government would be considerably and progressively less as time went on; thus making Britain great again!!
This petition was rejected because:
Your figures are not accurate.
I assume this is referring to the idea that £1,000,000 × 67,000,000 ÷ (average family size) = £40,000,000. This is an unfair slander against Barrie Skinnard, who of course knows full well that the average family size is 1,675,000. This is why East Enders is so hard to follow these days. And also the origin of the name of new sitcom ‘One Million, Six Hundred And Seventy Four Thousand, Nine Hundred and Ninety Eight Children’. Hm.
Maybe his figures are wrong. I just wish the Government had made that response in the form of a lolcat.
Posted by Ben @ March 20th, 2009 7:38 pm. Filed under: Nothing Should Ever Change! —
Current versions of Google’s Street View is a minefield for people with any interest in upholding privacy laws. As it stands you can easily make out brands and styles of clothing, hairstyles, hair colour, entering/exiting private residencies, identify what store you shop at from the bags you carry & identify you from the group of people you are photographed with etc.
We can clearly understand the need for this technology to assist travel, but question additional use of innocent bystander’s images. Technology such as this is open to abuse and simply blurring or blacking out the ENTIRE individual would solve the problem.
It would be more suitable to not be able to identify sex, race, age nor any of the above mentioned identifying features. Currently invasive but easily fixable.
Google Streetview already blurs out peoples’ faces. I think that’s adequate, but apparently Mr. Ross (who probably isn’t the fellow who originally played Kryten in Red Dwarf) thinks you should only be vaguely aware that other people actually exist out in public.
Posted by Ben @ March 20th, 2009 2:38 pm. Filed under: Everyone Stop What You're Doing Because You're Mildly Inconveniencing Me,Sorry, What Was I Talking About?,There's Already A Solution But Don't Let That Stop You From Bothering The PM,Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?,You Know - We Haven't Banned Anything Lately.,spelin an grammer —
Google Maps have launched an application called Streetview. This allows you to “zoom” into a particular location and view, as a photo, any details on that street. You can zoom in and therefore look at a particular lock, security system etc of a property. It also shows if a motorcycle is present, how quiet or hidden an area is and is a clear invasion of privacy and personal security.
If someone wants to spend hours looking at a fuzzy, low-quality photo of a digital keypad next to a door in the hopes of somehow being able to determine the pass code by sheer force of will alone then, honestly, good bloody luck to ‘em.
I am a dog owner who lives in darlington and find it very anoying that there is a large amount of broken glass on footpaths and grass in my area . It is dangerous to pets when they are running around they can cut there paws or legs on it. And if a child falls over they could also cut them selfs on it . Also there are alot people on bikes who complaine that they have popped tyres from the glass . My idea was that if all glass bottles and jars were made from plastic then people would not be able to smash them .
If a child falls over they could cut themselves on rock. Are you also suggesting we lift up the concrete pavement and replace it with foam padding or install some kind of Bouncy Castle pavement? Because if so, fantastic.
I agree with GB position in relation to the unit cost for alcohol as I believe that whatever the cost there will always be abusers and that there are other measures which can be taken to reduce alcohol intake nationally.
For example I have recently got over an alcohol problem with drugs prescribed by the doc. Whilst recovering I noticed that alcohol in my local supermarket was at the end of almost every aisle creating temptation. Why can this not just be limited to one place so that it – and temptation – can be avoided? Similar laws exist for gambling EG in amusement arcades areas are cordoned off for over 18′s only for those machines with higher payouts which attract the more serious gambler.
anyone else agree?
Not really, no. Maybe you need more will power.
Many decisions made by, for example, councils, judges, and even the EU, have no common sense whatever. Therefore I have come up with the idea of the Common Sense Act which I would like the PM to introduce. We need this Act to make it a requirement for, for example, councils, courts, judges, even law lords, to use common sense when making decisions and judgements. Common sense must be paramount. If not then they can be overruled using this Act. Even the EU can be overruled using this Act. Well, the EU don’t run the UK – the PM does.
I’ll give two examples:-
One example of this, is when the hate cleric Abu Qatada was awarded £2,500 compensation by the EU ecause we had him in prison and under house arrest without charge because he was a terror suspect. Well, if we has this Common Sense Act, that decision to award him that compenstion could be overruled with this Act. Just a shame that the Government doesn’t have the balls to do this already.
Another example is that every Christmas for the last few years some councils have been politically correct with the festive season in case they say “offends non-Christians”. Well, with this Act they could be overruled in favour of common sense.
So the PM simply says, “Use some common sense!” and this grants him the power to undo… things? Isn’t that just a sort-of very polite dictatorship?
Posted by Ben @ March 18th, 2009 1:57 pm. Filed under: Duplicate Petitions,So I Just Type What I Want Here And The PM Has To Do It?,Unreasonable Demands,Unworkable Ideas,Young, Dumb, And Online,spelin an grammer — Tags: Edward Manning —
i recently started a group on facebook. after my miscarraige it was a great help talking to people in the same position as me. but there i one topic that were all talking about is the fact that out babys were not classed as babys. to any mum who gets pregnant its a baby from when u find out!! this needs to change our babys are babys to us no matter what any one says they need to be reconised as babys!!
Not only is this a ridiculous idea, but it’s one that the anti-abortion crowd would love to jump upon for obvious reasons.
It is normally announced that when a soldier is killed in action the next kin are informed by the MOD. This protocol should be changed so that the Prime Minister makes an immediate personal phone call to the next of kin. This will be seen an ultimate gesture of goodwill
No, the ultimate gesture of goodwill is when Virgin Media agree to refund your Late Payment charges provided you Never Ever Pay Your Bill Late Again. Also: this is unworkable.
Our taxes pay for the building and maintaining of the leisure facilities. In the end we continually pay for these through our taxes and believe that these facility should be free.
Actually while our taxes may pay for the construction of the leisure facilities most of the money they use to fund upkeep and maintenance comes from us paying to use them.
Oh, not this again.
This petition is to have a Seperate day to that of Nov 11th to support our troops in EVERY theatre of war they fighting in. Also to show how proud of them we are.
You don’t seem proud enough of them, however, to suggest a name, date, or logical reason for this arbitrary additional day of remembrance.
The UK Chapter of the International Academy of Financial Management (IAFM)finds the evidence too compelling – when government props up failed businesses it ensures a future of institutionalised incompetence, where the un-fit can count on the bail-outs from the consumer. This relationship turns the democratic nature of capitalism on its head. Businesses manage the country’s resources to support consumers, not the other way around. We reject the concept of Feudal Capitalism, socialism for the un-fit and Darwinianism for the victims. Pay the stimulus to the unemployed & let them decide what businesses should survive and thrive.
I wonder if the people who make these petitions actually visit the ePetition site with any regularity? There are half a dozen identical petitions already on the site. It astonishes me how you can post two petitions with different wording within a week of each other and get them both authorised and on the site.
Edward Manning is a crusader for… for something. I’ve noticed he words every single one of his petitions as a “who thinks…” question. For instance:
Who thinks this would be good for smokers to give up and encourage them to give up?
I’d write a humorous comment but the three or four people who’ve signed it have beaten me to it.
Who thinks that there are many streets and roads out there that are very dirty with bottles, rappers, packets and bags and not cleaned up very much in some parts of the UK?
Yeah, I’m fed up of seeing empty Eminem rappers left laying around all the time. Let’s Nanny State this country up a bit!
In Great Britain today,We are afriad to fly our great flag, it has got to end now.Every government building and especially,schools should fly the flag from there roof tops.All schools should have the Union Flag in there class rooms,and beside it the flag of there nation,England,Scotland,Wales, Northern Ireland. How can we be proud of our Great Nation if we are afriad to show our national flag just incase we upset a minority group. Young people do not understand our heritage and do not celebrate Great British traditons and achievements.Young people should be made more aware of their heritage, the achievements of Great Britons, British traditons and the sacrifice of our armed forces past and present to ensure we have the freedoms we take for granted today. We should be proud to fly the Union Flag and should be proud to be British!
I’ve never understood the notion of having pride in one’s country. You can’t decide what particular bit of rock you were born on, so why take pride in the fact that circumstance and geography led you to being born on a tiny damp little island near France? I don’t understand the idea of having pride in one’s flag, either – you didn’t design it, you didn’t make it, you didn’t have any involvement or say in its shape or pattern. It is, at the end of the day, a rather nice bit of material. You’d no sooner hang a tablecloth or a bedsheet on a pole outside a school, so why fly a coloured bit of material? Because if it’s to remind people of what country they live in I think they probably already know.
We as English people have a right to have a Pagan Wedding (Hand Fasting) as a legal ceremony of which it’s NOT at present! This goes against our rights totally because as it stands you have to have a registry office ceremony before hand of which goes against the Pagan Belief! We should be allowed just one ceremony! We want the law changed! NOW!
Having grown up in a Pagan household as a child I can say with some knowledge on the matter that there’s nothing in “the Pagan belief” (and you’re pretty naive if you’re assuming that there’s just the one flavour of Paganism) that says Registry Offices are… are… are whatever you seem to think they are.