Archive for March, 2009

I think people should be more specific in their petitions.

by Michael John Smith of citizen (rejected)

the abuse by Local authorities of Health & Safty Law concerning Falling over of Gravestones as It is being Enforced too heavy handedly thus causing many Bereaved people agreat deal of stress.


That said, I don’t think people should be this specific:

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s already illegal. Also, we’re bound by Petition Lore to rename you The People’s Jane.

And now, some other fun petitions from the recent batch:

This banking furore has gone on long enough! We need to hit them where it hurts!

by Rene Ramon of Dufftown 2000 Ltd

Due to the mishandling of Billions of Pounds over the last number of years from the tax payer, I ask the PM to put a vote to The House of Commons to rename "Bank Holidays" to "Public Holidays". This is for the simple reason that we, the public should receive recognition for what we do right in the UK.

Yeah!

by Richard Ellis

Some in this country claim that they are opposed to our way of life and would rather live in an Islamic state under sharia law. Not all are terrorists. Some produce and distribute jihadist literature, preach radical sermons or protest against the British Armed Forces.

They claim to be opposed to our way of life so I propose we offer them the choice of living without the many benefits of this way of life. Anyone committing the above or similar acts should be asked in a public, televised interview if they would like to do without access to the advantages of living here.

If they say "yes" we will deny them access to Government services – benefits, university, public sector employment, the NHS (save for emergency treatment) etc. They will be subject to the law of the land for as long as they stay here but they will forfeit all advantages of living here.

If they say "no" we will leave them as they are except that they will have to do some community service and promise to buck up their ideas. If they choose not to honour those conditions they will be denied access to Government services.

They can choose what to do but the choice should have consequences.

Or, maybe we could just allow them to go live someplace else if they want.

by Professor Joseph Chikelue Obi

* The whole wide spectrum of Complementary and Alternative Medicine (CAM) is not being treated fairly by this particular UK Labour Government : Far much more (high level) support is urgently required.

After having his last petition rejected, Joseph Chikelue Obi has had another go. Unfortunately, it’s still a really dumb idea.

by Ali Mehmet Tunayer of Meridian Exhibition (rejected)

Hi, I am from Turkey, may be lots of people doesn’t know where is Turkey!!!
But I am living in London, and I have a citizien United States.
In Turkey, lot of people must to travel like Europen or the other countries, but all of the Europen countries want to visa (in Turkish "vize"), all the people take these visas (vize) from Alovize.com.
These is the best visa application website in Turkey and they give visas.

I cannot understand why anyone would think that submitting an advert as a petition is a good idea. I’m pretty sure Gordon Brown could get a visa on his own — and that he does indeed know where Turkey is.

by Jacqueline Dickens (rejected)

Noel Edmonds has in the past and continues to support and assist those people who need an ally in their times of need albeit a single person or an entire community. At this present time he is doing this without any finacial reward to himself but with great emotional and finacal support to others, a selfless deed which is rare and exceptionally commenable in this day and age. Noel is showing that one man and his team CAN make a difference, lets all learn from him and make Britain Great once again.

Or maybe he’s a lunatic.

by Ovy of – (rejected)

Criminally underated Leeds band, THE MUSIC need to release their best track from their last album.
They should be forced to do so.

I definitely think that any time a band fails to release the best song on an album as a single it is time for government intervention.

by Paul Newns

MPs should not be paid a salary or expenses by the tax payer. They represent political groups. Therefore, they should be paid by the political party they represent.

As a satirical point about MPs loyalties this is perhaps laudable. As a serious petition, it’s alarming. I don’t know which it was intended as, but it’s running as the latter.

by David Nolan

Jade Goody has been an inspiration to thousands of woman in her battle with cancer and shown time and time again she is the real people’s princess. A bank holiday to remember her by is a fitting tribute.

No it isn’t a fitting tribute. Jade Goody was known principally as the thick one off of Big Brother, after which she became the slightly racist one off of Big Brother, and then she got a terminal disease and everyone suddenly decided that she was some kind of princess, because ever since Diana (who was also not a princess) they think that ‘princess’ means ‘dead blonde’. A fitting tribute would be to pull a random person off the street every March 23rd and spin a big wheel with pink segments marked ‘praise’ and black segments marked ‘vilify’, whereupon the tabloids would relentlessly hound the lucky winner for the rest of the year until someone else came along the following March. A fitting tribute is that the American Heritage Dictionary defines ‘jade’ as

v.jad·ed, jad·ing, jades.
v.tr.To wear out, as by overuse or overindulgence. See synonyms at tire.

by adrian reilly (rejected)

More details cannot be shown

Okay.

by Mr.Graeme.G.M.Gillon of The Sacred Gillon Household (rejected)

The social services of Edinburgh have taken two young children from there grandparents who have been fully capable and lawful in there upbringing of the said children in favour of placing these children in the custody of two same-sex men. The service stated that the said grandparents were too old and too unfit for rearing them despite both being approximately 50 and only suffering from minor illnesses. This discrimination was met with alleged threats of never being able to see there grandchildren and bullying by the service if they ever spoke out or contested the services decision. These grandparents are the most capable and natural persons for charge of these children, yet despite the children being most comfortable with the grandparents the service have became bigoted and entrenched in giving these children to two unrelated unknown same sex men. Despite one of the children having an innate fear of men, the council are determined in executing this decision and we the people of the united kingdom hear by compel the prime minister to veto this action for the better welfare of the children by giving them to there natural relatives who have a good record of looking after them.

I don’t know if I agree with the council’s decision (although I haven’t all the facts) but I do know that I disagree with your use of the terms ‘bigoted’, ‘discriminating’ and ‘veto’, which I assume were included to give the illusion that you know what you’re talking about.

I also like the fact that Gillon keeps referring to them as ‘two same-sex men’. As if there could be any other kind.

He just wants arbitrary discounts for random groups? How much do you want to bet that Manning has a financial dependant with special needs? (I’m going to be grown up and not do a ’special needs’ joke.)

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25
Mar

Attack of the multi-issue petitioner

   Posted by: Andrew    in Only joking!, Rejected Petitions

Let’s see if Dave B can come up with a good idea.

by Dave B (rejected)

Chocochops are a chocolate chop on a real chop bone. It’s a fantastic product with an already existing market base. Starting up such a factory is a great method of engaging in countercyclical spending in these recessionary times.

No…

by Dave B (rejected)

‘Mashups’ are pieces of music where elements of two songs are taken and mashed together- Enya VS Prodigy, for example. If the PM’s speeches are mashed with songs, then it will be very popular with young people.

No…

by Dave B (rejected)

At night when I snuggle up with my teddy, I sometimes find it hard to fall asleep. I want the PM to come and read me bedtime stories and maybe stroke my hair.

No…

Yeah, yeah, we all know it’s you.

by Dave B (rejected)

For the lolz. And to bankrupt this annoying site.

What? How many is that now?

by Dave B (rejected)

5 6 7 8

I see.

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by David Rodhouse

The sleaze must be stopped.

In the mist of a recession, where the majority of people are struggling to make end meet, we see yet another MP taking advantage of the taxpayer.

We know there is to be an investigation. But it must be immediate. To wait until the next general election is unacceptable.

All MP’s expenses must be stopped immediately until a thorough and transparent investigation in undertaken by an external auditor. MP’s investigating MP’s will not appease the public.

Any MP found to be abusing the system, must return every penny they have claimed.

If you think MPs are doing a bad job, then surely taking away all of their resources is going to make the situation worse?

by Teresa Wright (rejected)

More details cannot be shown

Oh, do shut up, Teresa. Nice URL, by the way.

Mostly I’m sharing this so I can boost our Joseph Chikelue Obi Googlebomb. But it’s still stupid.

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by Philip Stott

Honour Jade Goody with a state funeral, so that her millions of admirers and well wishers may attend.

by Joe Corby

Leicester is a good city, but it’s always lacking that “thing” that people know it for. The nearest snowdome is still atleast a minimum of an hours drive away to tamworth! The costs alone of that even if you can’t drive is ridiculous via train! We need something more local that would generate more interest in the sport for the people of leicester! So please, build us a snow dome in Leicester so that the pointless travelling can stop, so that leicester finally has that “thing” to be recognised for and so that more young people can get learning snow sports rather than messing around on the streets of leicester!

I don’t really think that’s up to him, is it?

by John Collins

As the Prime Minister has himself reportedly recently discovered when President Obama gave him some DVDs, because of the region encoding it is not possible to play lawfully-acquired DVDs from one region on a lawfully-acquired player in another.

The government should pressurise the companies concerned to remove this restriction and adopt, if necessary, appropriate anti-piracy measures.

Or you could invest £50 in a nice multi-region DVD player.

I’m convinced this one is a joke:

by John Smith of Organisation of British Cheese Enthusiasts

If Nightclubs were to provide a range of cheese based snack products to their customers during the course of a night, it would help to cut down drunken violence as people would have either sobered up from the consumption of cheese, or just be too bloated from the consumption of cheese to bother trying to start fights or indulge in unruly behaviour.

This one, however, sadly isn’t:

by Dr Maura Murphy of NHS

To legalise assisted suicide would completely negate the art of healing and caring.Killing and murder would be the name of the game and doctors and nurses might allow themselves to be persuaded to commit these crimes if they are not strong enough to stand up for what is right. Society would suffer severely as a long term result. We need to promote a common good not a common evil.

Because, y’know, there’s no ailment or illness that medical science cannot overcome, right? I’m absolutely certain that Dr Murphy has never had to say, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing more we can do.” Probably because Dr Murphy has been secretly working on cures to every single human disease and medical problem in a large underground bunker somewhere. Or something.

Meanwhile, public transport is in the shitter!

by Martin Cleaver

Ever since the government introduced FREE concessionary bus travel for over 60’s the british bus industry has suffered a lack of income resulting in increased fares for paying passengers and decreased income for the companies that provide that free transport. The bus companies are not paid the full fare for every pensioner that travels on a bus without paying. Instead they are paid around a third of the registered fare, this is in some cases causing small bus companies hardship which in Swindon in wiltshire is contributing to a bigger problem that is resulting in reduction in services and therfore driver requirement. Please sign the petition to remove free concessionary bus travel to those who are able to pay and only give free travel to those who are unable to walk a reasonable distance to shops and servies. I must state that I am not saying that nobody should be allowed free bus travel, the infirm and disabled that are unable to pay or have no other means of transport should still be allowed to travel for free but those who have the means should pay the half fare which was in place before this free travel rule came into force.

Or maybe it isn’t!

by Lisa Morgan

The Government want parents to stop using cars to transport children to school, and more people to use public transport. Surely free bus travel for unders 16’s and under 25’s in full time education would encourage people to ditch there cars, which would help with congestion and pollution to the enviroment. Will also encourage more walking, promoting a more active lifestyle.

I’m so confused.

by Barrie Skinnard (rejected)

The recession could be easily solved by giving all UK families one million pound sterling, this would boost the economy as the money would be spent in shops & saved in banks. This would mean a total investment by the government of approximately £40 million pounds with the current UK population of some 67 million people. The government has already thrown several billion pounds of tax payers money into the banking system yet banks are still failing to financially boost the economy with business’s going bust & repossessions at a all time high. With this proposal people would once again be able to pay their mortgages, there would be nobody on benefits as they would be over the threshold! There would be hardly any need for any social housing! The overall cost to the government would be considerably and progressively less as time went on; thus making Britain great again!!

This petition was rejected because:

Your figures are not accurate.

I assume this is referring to the idea that £1,000,000 × 67,000,000 ÷ (average family size) = £40,000,000. This is an unfair slander against Barrie Skinnard, who of course knows full well that the average family size is 1,675,000. This is why East Enders is so hard to follow these days. And also the origin of the name of new sitcom ‘One Million, Six Hundred And Seventy Four Thousand, Nine Hundred and Ninety Eight Children’. Hm.

Maybe his figures are wrong. I just wish the Government had made that response in the form of a lolcat.

20
Mar

Google-Eyed

   Posted by: Ben    in Nothing Should Ever Change!

by David Ross

Current versions of Google’s Street View is a minefield for people with any interest in upholding privacy laws. As it stands you can easily make out brands and styles of clothing, hairstyles, hair colour, entering/exiting private residencies, identify what store you shop at from the bags you carry & identify you from the group of people you are photographed with etc.

We can clearly understand the need for this technology to assist travel, but question additional use of innocent bystander’s images. Technology such as this is open to abuse and simply blurring or blacking out the ENTIRE individual would solve the problem.

It would be more suitable to not be able to identify sex, race, age nor any of the above mentioned identifying features. Currently invasive but easily fixable.

Google Streetview already blurs out peoples’ faces. I think that’s adequate, but apparently Mr. Ross (who probably isn’t the fellow who originally played Kryten in Red Dwarf) thinks you should only be vaguely aware that other people actually exist out in public.

by Leon Meredith

Google Maps have launched an application called Streetview. This allows you to “zoom” into a particular location and view, as a photo, any details on that street. You can zoom in and therefore look at a particular lock, security system etc of a property. It also shows if a motorcycle is present, how quiet or hidden an area is and is a clear invasion of privacy and personal security.

If someone wants to spend hours looking at a fuzzy, low-quality photo of a digital keypad next to a door in the hopes of somehow being able to determine the pass code by sheer force of will alone then, honestly, good bloody luck to ‘em.

by miss karen copeland

I am a dog owner who lives in darlington and find it very anoying that there is a large amount of broken glass on footpaths and grass in my area . It is dangerous to pets when they are running around they can cut there paws or legs on it. And if a child falls over they could also cut them selfs on it . Also there are alot people on bikes who complaine that they have popped tyres from the glass . My idea was that if all glass bottles and jars were made from plastic then people would not be able to smash them .

If a child falls over they could cut themselves on rock. Are you also suggesting we lift up the concrete pavement and replace it with foam padding or install some kind of Bouncy Castle pavement? Because if so, fantastic.

by Sean Little

I agree with GB position in relation to the unit cost for alcohol as I believe that whatever the cost there will always be abusers and that there are other measures which can be taken to reduce alcohol intake nationally.

For example I have recently got over an alcohol problem with drugs prescribed by the doc. Whilst recovering I noticed that alcohol in my local supermarket was at the end of almost every aisle creating temptation. Why can this not just be limited to one place so that it – and temptation – can be avoided? Similar laws exist for gambling EG in amusement arcades areas are cordoned off for over 18’s only for those machines with higher payouts which attract the more serious gambler.

anyone else agree?

Not really, no. Maybe you need more will power.

by Steven Williams

Many decisions made by, for example, councils, judges, and even the EU, have no common sense whatever. Therefore I have come up with the idea of the Common Sense Act which I would like the PM to introduce. We need this Act to make it a requirement for, for example, councils, courts, judges, even law lords, to use common sense when making decisions and judgements. Common sense must be paramount. If not then they can be overruled using this Act. Even the EU can be overruled using this Act. Well, the EU don’t run the UK – the PM does.

I’ll give two examples:-

One example of this, is when the hate cleric Abu Qatada was awarded £2,500 compensation by the EU ecause we had him in prison and under house arrest without charge because he was a terror suspect. Well, if we has this Common Sense Act, that decision to award him that compenstion could be overruled with this Act. Just a shame that the Government doesn’t have the balls to do this already.

Another example is that every Christmas for the last few years some councils have been politically correct with the festive season in case they say “offends non-Christians”. Well, with this Act they could be overruled in favour of common sense.

So the PM simply says, “Use some common sense!” and this grants him the power to undo… things? Isn’t that just a sort-of very polite dictatorship?

by liza leeson

i recently started a group on facebook. after my miscarraige it was a great help talking to people in the same position as me. but there i one topic that were all talking about is the fact that out babys were not classed as babys. to any mum who gets pregnant its a baby from when u find out!! this needs to change our babys are babys to us no matter what any one says they need to be reconised as babys!!

Not only is this a ridiculous idea, but it’s one that the anti-abortion crowd would love to jump upon for obvious reasons.

by Anil Vadgama

It is normally announced that when a soldier is killed in action the next kin are informed by the MOD. This protocol should be changed so that the Prime Minister makes an immediate personal phone call to the next of kin. This will be seen an ultimate gesture of goodwill

No, the ultimate gesture of goodwill is when Virgin Media agree to refund your Late Payment charges provided you Never Ever Pay Your Bill Late Again. Also: this is unworkable.

by Arran Scott

Our taxes pay for the building and maintaining of the leisure facilities. In the end we continually pay for these through our taxes and believe that these facility should be free.

Actually while our taxes may pay for the construction of the leisure facilities most of the money they use to fund upkeep and maintenance comes from us paying to use them.

Oh, not this again.

by David Turner

This petition is to have a Seperate day to that of Nov 11th to support our troops in EVERY theatre of war they fighting in. Also to show how proud of them we are.

You don’t seem proud enough of them, however, to suggest a name, date, or logical reason for this arbitrary additional day of remembrance.

by Jason Richardson of International Academy of Financial Management

The UK Chapter of the International Academy of Financial Management (IAFM)finds the evidence too compelling – when government props up failed businesses it ensures a future of institutionalised incompetence, where the un-fit can count on the bail-outs from the consumer. This relationship turns the democratic nature of capitalism on its head. Businesses manage the country’s resources to support consumers, not the other way around. We reject the concept of Feudal Capitalism, socialism for the un-fit and Darwinianism for the victims. Pay the stimulus to the unemployed & let them decide what businesses should survive and thrive.

I wonder if the people who make these petitions actually visit the ePetition site with any regularity? There are half a dozen identical petitions already on the site. It astonishes me how you can post two petitions with different wording within a week of each other and get them both authorised and on the site.

Edward Manning is a crusader for… for something. I’ve noticed he words every single one of his petitions as a “who thinks…” question. For instance:

by Edward Manning

Who thinks this would be good for smokers to give up and encourage them to give up?

I’d write a humorous comment but the three or four people who’ve signed it have beaten me to it.

by Edward Manning

Who thinks that there are many streets and roads out there that are very dirty with bottles, rappers, packets and bags and not cleaned up very much in some parts of the UK?

Yeah, I’m fed up of seeing empty Eminem rappers left laying around all the time. Let’s Nanny State this country up a bit!

by David Brian Newman

In Great Britain today,We are afriad to fly our great flag, it has got to end now.Every government building and especially,schools should fly the flag from there roof tops.All schools should have the Union Flag in there class rooms,and beside it the flag of there nation,England,Scotland,Wales, Northern Ireland. How can we be proud of our Great Nation if we are afriad to show our national flag just incase we upset a minority group. Young people do not understand our heritage and do not celebrate Great British traditons and achievements.Young people should be made more aware of their heritage, the achievements of Great Britons, British traditons and the sacrifice of our armed forces past and present to ensure we have the freedoms we take for granted today. We should be proud to fly the Union Flag and should be proud to be British!

I’ve never understood the notion of having pride in one’s country. You can’t decide what particular bit of rock you were born on, so why take pride in the fact that circumstance and geography led you to being born on a tiny damp little island near France? I don’t understand the idea of having pride in one’s flag, either – you didn’t design it, you didn’t make it, you didn’t have any involvement or say in its shape or pattern. It is, at the end of the day, a rather nice bit of material. You’d no sooner hang a tablecloth or a bedsheet on a pole outside a school, so why fly a coloured bit of material? Because if it’s to remind people of what country they live in I think they probably already know.

by John Hillier

We as English people have a right to have a Pagan Wedding (Hand Fasting) as a legal ceremony of which it’s NOT at present! This goes against our rights totally because as it stands you have to have a registry office ceremony before hand of which goes against the Pagan Belief! We should be allowed just one ceremony! We want the law changed! NOW!

Having grown up in a Pagan household as a child I can say with some knowledge on the matter that there’s nothing in “the Pagan belief” (and you’re pretty naive if you’re assuming that there’s just the one flavour of Paganism) that says Registry Offices are… are… are whatever you seem to think they are.

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by Ann Wright

Food is an essential commodity for every one, and as such should not be subjected to VAT, people are entitled to eat well– many people are becoming unemployed, many loosing their incomes and their homes, families are finding daily life increasingly more difficult, taxing food is counterproductive to a person’s survival.

Oh Glod, this petition is my fault, isn’t it? It was only two weeks ago that I was looking at the logical extension of the concept of removing VAT from pain relief and toothpaste, and now here we are looking at a petition that hopes to tick the second item off of my hypothetical analysis off the list. I can only apologise.

by Martin Burn of modSunday

we, as mods, feel our way of life is being hindered by the unfair and provocative costs. we,as mods, demand a fairer deal. and the reintroduction of wigan pier as an all night mod club

How the Hell did this petition even get approved? It’s very clearly a joke.

by Paul Morris

Why do the foreigners when they come to the Uk to migrate from the eastern european countries looking for work refuse to speak any English.

The UK Govermant SHOULD be made to make every person who is entering this country, That they learn english or can speak it good before they apply for residency.

They should learn it as us BRITISH PEOPLE when we migrate to another country learn it to fit in with the populas.

Were I a mythical creature that feeds on irony, this petition would keep my appetite sated for the better part of a week.

by Mrs Joanne Simpson

We feel that patients in England with chronic illnesses are being treated unfairly as they still have to pay in full for their prescriptions.

We cannot understand why patients who have a chronic illness such as Ulcerative colitis, Crohn’s and Asthma, just to name a few, are still having to pay for their prescriptions.

Many patients are having to make choices between paying for the basic requirements in life and paying for their prescriptions. The quality of life for many patients would be greatly improved if they could collect all the prescriptions prescribed for them.

Since April 2007 all patients in Wales have been entitled to free prescription and in Scotland patients irrespective of whether the patients have a chronic illness or not are paying for their prescriptions at a reduced rate on a sliding scale until 2011-2012 when they will become free is this just?

How is it unfair treatment if you’re being charged the same price for prescriptions as everybody else? It’d be unfair if the chronically ill got their prescriptions for free, that’s what’d be unfair.

by mrs c webster of none

The goverment is saying you are to young to smoke or drink at 18 but still want your vote there by saying you are not educated enough to know what is good for you But you are educated enough to know who is the best party to run the goverment of this country If you think 18 should be old enough to smoke/drink and vote then sign this petition.

I’m going to give Mrs C Webster the benefit of the doubt and assume she has a broken keyboard.

by GORDON REID

Any assialum seeker or immigrant who obviously hates us so much has to have the privalage of being allowed to remain in the U.K. revoked. It is time that the human rights of the majority was considered before that of these people, and they have to be deported no matter what threats they CLAIM to be under. The british public has been very patient but that is now wearing very thin. We now read that 90% of immigrants refused permission are allowed to stay, while many are no doubt good people we are FULL. G.Reid

I’m also going to give Mr. Reid the benefit of the doubt and assume that “assialum” is some kind of rare hypothetical element that can only be found in the UK, and tons of scientific types are coming here looking for it. Or something.

by M B McIntyre BEM. LCG. of St George of England

Stop any further immigration into the UK for a period of 10 years to allow the backlog of illegals & asylam seekers to be resolved.

Yes, that’ll solve all our problems. I love it when racist, xenophobic pricks like M B McIntyre try to come up with fancy, almost-logical reasons to keep immigrants out. It’s like when Proposition 8 was up for the vote in California. All of the pro-Prop8 people were saying, “Oh, don’t worry. It’s only going to make gay marriage illegal from the day it’s brought in. We won’t touch the people who are already married, honest!” – and then once Prop 8 was unfortunately passed they started filing proceedings to have all of the gay married couples legally divorced.

Fuckers.

by wayne rees of may contain nuts

For too long food companies have hidden behind the current law which requires a disclaimer if certain products are used.For example we have all seen “may contain nuts” or “may contain milk or eggs” either something is in there or it is not, this loophole must be closed. if it means the food companies have to introduce more stringent quality control then make it so.

I bet Wayne Rees is one of those guys who says, “I can’t have done anything wrong, it must be the computer’s fault!”

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by POLLY SOUTH of NHS CHANGE (rejected)

Please sign this petition to remove HUMAN CELLS DERIVED FROM ABORTED BABIES from vacchines, such as MR, MMR, ect.

It is against human rights. Children should not be injected with aborted babies.

Thank you.

I agree that “children should not be injected with aborted babies”, but since nobody does that I think we can ignore this one.

by Greg Foster (rejected)

February 4th 2009 was a date where ITV made a terrible error with the 4th FA Cup replay – Everton v Liverpool. As extra time was played, ITV showed some adverts instead of the final few minutes of extra time. During the advert break, Everton scored the winning goal. Thus ruining the game.

When ITV had rights to show F1 races, it showed adverts right in the middle of a major point in the race. People have complained about ITV’s coverage due to the advert breaks. Now its back at the BBC, many fans are pleased as races aren’t interrupted by annoying adverts.

I think if ITV wants to show live sports, then it should not broadcast ANY advert breaks, unless it’s during a period of no sport is being played. For example during half time and before the race or match starts.

If ITV cannot hold such a promise, then it should never have rights to live sports coverage.

This will only affect about 2 hours per week overall during the year. This is nothing compared to the few seconds that could turn a match or race around

My favourite part was “Everton scored the winning goal. Thus ruining the game.”

by Richard Lawrence (rejected)

it is just not right that we should be stoped from lisening to our old music why should we be made to suffer when you can get it in the us but not in the uk

Gordon Brown definitely runs YouTube.

by Jaco Jacobs (rejected)

The UK is meant to be a christian country (unless I’m completely wrong) yet they allow signs like "There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life." We dont people giving their point of view but surely as a christian nation this is overstepping the mark!!

You have a funny name. Also, disturbingly conservative and authoritarian theocratic values.

by Dave B (rejected)

Learning sign would be fantastic to help those with hearing difficulties

Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have other people learn sign-language?
And now, the worst idea yet for solving the credit crunch:

by David Scott of NONE (rejected)

With interest rates at 1%, even large savers are now finding that their savings aren’t working for them. The governments actions are penalising the thrifty while rewarding the reckless. Its time the government told people to take their savings out of banks so we can force them to start paying reasonable interest on savings – let them make their money from debtors not creditors!!!!!

…except for this one:

by ken haslam (rejected)

nick griffin predicted this financial scandalas long ago as 2005 if he could see it WHY COULD BROWN NOT

Maybe because Brown can’t just shout random shit until some of it happens?

Oh, and this one, although I choose to assume this one is a joke that they approved in error:

by D.J.Reynolds. of Retired

Great Britain is in a unique position to stimulate the economy of our country at the stroke of a pen.
As we are not into the euro,we can quite easily restore the true value of the good old British Pound to 240 old pence.This would be a step forward rather than back and would help every body,especially those in dire financial straits.We should cap all prices at their present level and impose strict price control.It would encourage a lot more companies to become more competitive.Those who can remember the switch over from 240 old pence to 100 new pence will have bitter memories how we were tricked into a devaluation of a massive 140% overnight and the unscrupulous traders who went laughing all the way to their banks.Thank you.

Edit: last minute bonus petition:

by Chris Barker and Doreen Barker of none

Please note: This petition is about democracy in the UK and should not be viewed as a judgement on the rights or wrongs of a particular issue, such as flouridation of the public water supply. What is at stake here is the basic principal of democracy not only being done but being seen to be done. I urge members of the public from all parts of the UK to sign up to it.
The background to this petition is:
There has been more than one public "consultation" recently, where the clearly expressed views of the majority of respondants have been blatently ignored by the officials/public servants involved. The most recent case being a 72% majority who came out against having flouride added to their water supply in Southampton and the surrounding area, being overruled by 12 unelected members of the local health authority, in direct contradiction of the democratic process. This latest decision has resulted in the both the "consultation" process and the local health authority involved being brought in to severe disrepute and needs to be urgently addressed by the Prime Minister if the electorate are to have any faith in future consultations being genuine.

So your plan, basically, is to ban public servants from running opinion polls. Because often the public will be wrong about something and if your idea is accepted then they’ll just stop asking your opinion so they won’t be bound by it.

by Christine Casey

Anyone who see’s fit to either take a life or abuse another persons life in an extreme way deserves to pay for their horrid act! Be it death or prison.. But not in the form of a ‘break from reality’ which prison seems to have become!

Recently ‘A man who has embezzled a lot of money is said to “die in prison”, whilst a murderer who is said to recieve “life”.. (on average) Serves only a matter of years.. With parole.’ Justice??

It would also bring a sence of ’scare’ to the country! Resulting in less people commiting these vicious crimes! Less people taking up space in prison, less taxes for us to feed those who are unworthy.. In turn being good on our economy!

And for the last point on ‘Protection hiding’: Why do these people who have forsaken our human rights deserve to still have theirs ‘intack’!? Keeping them safe from recognition so they wont be harmed, whilst they live a gracious life after ending someone elses seems a little.. Rediculious! Does it not? Do the crime, face the punishment!

Name and Shame those wastes of space!

This stupid person has petitioned for a stupid idea which has been posted by stupid people before on the stupid ePetition site. So stupid.

by John Casingena

Supermarkets give out ultra thin plastic bags which brake the moment you put something heavy in it like milk you can;t re-use them as the rip I would like the government to make supermarkets give out stronger bags which can be re-used and don’t rip first time or even give out paper bags they are stronger and can be recycled in paper banks or with your council recycling collection I used one and got all my shopping in it and it did not brake

Government need to take action some supermarkets are still giving out same bags as last year and customers don’t re-use and start world war 3 if they can’t get there priceless bags and will only re-use nags if they are forced to by a tax in some supermarkets you get bins pull of bags they fall on the fall then get chucked in the bid waste of a bag

Yes, this is exactly the sort of thing we should be bothering the Prime Minister with. I like that single signature, though.

by j.mitchley

Agencies do not allow well qualified individual to apply for position in industry (engineering). They are also not in themselves qualified to talk to individual regarding specialised position as they deal with positions across the spectrum. Suitably qualified people should have direct access to the employer where they can shine by their own expertise and experience

Job agencies work for a lot of people (myself included) who otherwise would struggle to find a job. You want to shut them down? Fine, let’s see how that helps unemployment. Moron.

by Greg Foster

As part of the National Curriculum, Key Stage 2 pupils (7-11 year olds) are expected to swim 25 metres unaided along with other things. This is unfair to those pupils that can’t swim due to developmental disorders such as dyspraxia and those with severe asthma.

The time and money spent on swimming lessons could be better spent on school equipment such as books and computers

So those kids get notes from their parents or doctors excusing them from participating in swimming lessons. Easy peasy. Why penalise every child in the school system?

by jednmorf

The goverment is there to govern.a democracy relies on the goverment to govern fairly.It is unfair that possibly 5 million people smoke cannabis regularly and their views are not heard.smaller minorities havedone better.its time for the country to vote.As a democracy.long live the queen.

“Possibly” five million people? Where’s he pulling this figure from? Because I imagine it’s somewhere very dark and, occasionally, sticky. Bonus categorisation of “We’re British, Dammit!” for the rather gratuitous inclusion of “love live the queen” at the end of the petition, as if mentioning her will somehow sway the Government into agreeing with this petition.

by Gwen Howard

Stop giving overseas aid and stop paying into the EU, whilst there is an emergency on. The EU only takes never gives back and we cannot afford to give to third world countries. I was giving to Africa when I was in school over 50 years ago they should be able to help themselves now

Yeah! Fuck you, Africa! You’re just being lazy!

by D.J.Reynolds. of Retired

Great Britain is in a unique position to stimulate the economy of our country at the stroke of a pen. As we are not into the euro,we can quite easily restore the true value of the good old British Pound to 240 old pence.This would be a step forward rather than back and would help every body,especially those in dire financial straits.We should cap all prices at their present level and impose strict price control.It would encourage a lot more companies to become more competitive.Those who can remember the switch over from 240 old pence to 100 new pence will have bitter memories how we were tricked into a devaluation of a massive 140% overnight and the unscrupulous traders who went laughing all the way to their banks.Thank you.

I don’t quite think DJ Reynolds is very good at Economics or laying down phat beats.

by Richard Reay

In this nation the Police are supposed to uphold the Law of the Land and stand as an example to all it’s citizens. The recent release of information showing that at least 1000 officers currently serving in police forces throughout England, Scotland and Wales have criminal records for, amongst others, Fraud, Perverting the Course of Justice, Drink Driving, Kerb Crawling and Assault, makes it clear that the officers we trust to police our streets are morally unfit for this duty.

How can a Police Officer, guilty of a dishonesty offence, be trusted to behave in a lawful and just manner? Any conviction on the record of Police Officer should result in immediate dismissal. After all if the Police can’t be trusted to abide by the law, why should we?

A criminal conviction can be anything, from public drunkenness to running a red light. You’re just being stupid.

In all seriousness: I remember having to debate in High School GCSE English. We had that annoying hypothetical scenario – a ship is sinking, there’s one lifeboat and it can only support six people, but you have to pick them from a list of twelve. One of the characters was an ex-convict who’d served time in prison and gone straight. Everybody else in my group was convinced that he should stay on the ship and die because he had a criminal past. I was the only person who suggested that he should be allowed a second chance, that he’d gone straight. It really pissed me off that everybody took one look at at his past and judged his entire character from there. Granted the guy wasn’t real, but all the same it’s an incredibly narrow-minded way of looking at the world.

by Sean Quiney of Copcut Lane Residents

We want all plans to be scrapped for the proposed plans to build 800 + homes in Copcut Lane, Droitwich,Wr9 7JB

Have you tried laying down in front of the bulldozer? Or, and this may be a tad more effective, have you tried contacting your local council?

by Andrew Dyer

British Summer Time ends approximately 8 weeks before the shortest day, however it restarts again 14 weeks after the shortest day meaning that we have to endure 6 more weeks of evening darkness than is necessary. There is no reason for this disparity. There is enough daylight for children to go to school in the morning by mid February.

Read the signatures. Priceless.

by Nigel Heal

The Armed Forces are ordered to duties oversea’s, protestors should not be allowed to disrupt parades and similar events. If people wish to protest then they should do so in places such as outside Parliment, MOD Main Building and other Government buildings.

Glod bless freedom of speech (which, incidentally, is what our soldiers are allegedly fighting for).

by Richard Bass

We believe that instead of automatically paying an individual based on their circumstances in return for nothing. People should be paid benefits for carrying out jobs given to them by the government, like a wage. A role should, and can be found for almost any circumstance and thus it is unnecessary to just let people make excuses to be lazy.

This would benefit the country as a whole, as jobs can be created that improve communities and teach people which will improve their chances of finding work in the future.

Suggested jobs for this new benefit regime: “Lightbulb changer,” “Ladder holder,” and “Office Chair Height and Back Support Adjuster”.

by Kelly Beech

Please visit The Border Agency website & look at the statistics for immigrants & asylum seekers who enter the UK each year. They are taking British jobs & British homes. In turn they are taking our land as we need to build new homes to accommodate. Some are even taking our tax payers money in benefits whilst British citizens are struggling! Let’s say no!

I’d rather say “no!” to xenophobic, racist arseholes.

by andrew hall

Post Office Limited is threatening to close our village Post Office which will close our one and only village shop. They are to replace it with a mobile service (5 hours per week). Current provision is over 35 hours & the impact on our local economy.

I was unaware that the Prime Minister ran the Post Office.

by Jackie Carter (petitioner “savethelocalpub)

Tesco have already purchased a number of closed public houses which they intend to re-open as tesco stores selling more cheap alcohol. As the premises are already licensed to sell food and alcohol they do not need to apply for a change of use!! This has to be stopped NOW!! The pub trade is already under threat of becoming non existant, with thousands being thrown out of work.Enough is enough!!

So Tesco taking pubs that have already closed down and reopening them, which would create jobs, is somehow a bad thing?

by Stuart Addis

If you give UK born residents, over the age of 18, £100,000 each, the Billions of pounds will have to be deposited into bank accounts thus improving the banks ability to lend, allowing the public to spend with new cash and regenerate the enconomy. This will get the money flowing far better than having to meet bank criteria to borrow ‘the public money’ that they have been given – come on Gordon help the Public for real.

If the Government gave everybody £100,000, why would anyone need to take a loan? Oh, also the Government would be bankrupt. Good jorb!

Also:

by Victoria Ray

I believe it is time for the current government to start fulfilling the role for which they are employed and start acting in the interest of the British people as a whole.Continuing to throw good money after bad cannot possibly lead to a resolution to the economic problems that our country is facing. The deregulation of the banking system for which we have the previous government to thank was criminal enough, however I doubt that the consequences would have been so dire had our current government pulled the reins in at an earlier time. Having no manufacturing industry to speak of this country has depended to the expense of all else on the high economic activity that the finance sector has provided, this has now ground to a halt leaving Britain with very little. The German government have given money to the people rather than banks with incentives to purchase new cars, however our government will not give money to the British public for fear they might save it, their plan involves handing astronomical figures to the very people who we know are thieves and confidence tricksters. Place the money into the hands of the British people to whom it belongs before we go into complete meltdown.

Why does everybody think that the Government owes them a hojillion pounds now?

by Darren Hubbard

Tony Blair suffered from the lowest public approval rating of any British Prime Minister in history. By the new policy of obeying the “court of public opinion” (ref: Harriet Harman, 1/3/2009) surely the right and moral thing to do is to claw back the majority of this former-PM’s pension?

This is, of course, the logical conclusion.

This is a joke:

by Goa tse (rejected)

We feel that this is a seriously serious problem, and one which can be solved by shutting all pools, to prevent the spread of AIDS.

This one is serious:

by Simon de Choisy (rejected)

ITV have always had a poor reputation when it come to broadcasting British domestic football. This has been confimed this season with their appalling broadcasts of the 2008-09 FA Cup 4th Round.

Firstly they denied the country the chnce to watch one of the best matches of the round in the Kettering Town v Fulham match.

Secondly, they cut away to adverts jut at the crucial moment of the Merseyside derby replay,

We therefore call on the Prime Minister to immediately enter negotiations with the FA to remove ITV’s broadcast rights,

But it doesn’t go far enough…

by Andy Gray (rejected)

Subjected to Clive Tyldesley yakking every week. Clive we are bored by your repetitive yearnings back to the 2 historic moments that ITV have had the privilege of.
Commentating for a game does not mean polluting the airwaves continuously without taking more than a 3 second breath before churning out yet more drivel. Maybe taking a look at the approaches taken by other successful broadcasters who remain silent and let the viewer watch and opine for themselves.
Trying to insult the thoughtless insights provided by messers Townsend and Earle the better, as nauseating as the Nickelback infused DFS adverts sandwiched in-between their bland middle of the road comments.
Constant references to some upcoming rubbish after the game, we don’t need an excuse to tune over to another channel prematurely. Not to mention the ad break during Everton v Liverpool to miss the one highlight of the game. I’m sure Clive will remind us of this, you’ll have to describe it in greater detail as we didn’t see it!

No, that’s still not enough…

by Andy Beaumont (rejected)

ITV’s incessant incompetence when it comes to showing live football is harming the national game. Not content with just forcing the views of David Pleat onto an unwitting public, ITV are now intent on destroying the FA Cup, the most important trophy of our national game. The fact that ITV decided to go to an advert break DURING the Everton vs Liverpool replay causing the millions of people watching to miss the winning goal shows their utter lack of respect for the beautiful game. We can not stand by and let ITV ruin football through incompetence and malice.

That’s pretty mental, but what we need is just a bit more lunacy…

by Neil Moran (rejected)

Cutting to a commerical break with 2 minutes to go of extra time is unforgiveable. During this time the only goal of the game between Everton and Liverpool in the FA Cup was scored.

This has happened on F1 and caused them to loose their license.

Shut the channel down!

There we go! Shut them down! Haha! But then…

by David Ferguson (rejected)

As we all know ITV are well known for their poor level of production when it comes to sport, however the gaff on 4th February 2009, was a spectacular low point for them.

An FA Cup 4th round replay, with two city rivals head to head and only two minutes left on the clock. Millions of people were on the edge of their seats as ITV suddenly went to an ad break. It felt like an hour to most, but as we returned to the game after around thirty seconds, Everton players lay on the pitch celebrating a wonderful goal by Everton’s nineteen year old Dan Gosling. This was said to be a ‘technical problem’ by Steve Ryder.

As an Evertonian, ‘technical problems’ are not acceptable when Everton beat Liverpool in extra time of an FA Cup replay with two minutes to go. Believe me, this was a once in a life time experience and we all missed it. My heart really goes out to Dan Gosling, I am sure the first thing he said to his mum when he got home was, ‘Did you video the game?’ Steve Ryder look poor young Dan Gosling in the eye and say the words, ‘technical problem’, I dare you.

So I hope the Prime Minister will see fit to instruct Steve Ryder to take his place on the Wembley turf on Cup Final day and apologise to us all.

Right. Is Television finally put to rights now? Have we all now finally righted those wrongs from ages ago?

by R Brooks (rejected)

The decision by the BBC to remove journalist Carol Thatcher from her post as a roving reporter on the One Show sets a dangerous precedent for freedom of speech in the UK.

The ‘offending’ comments were made in a private conversation, and not broadcast. Whether the comments were inherently racist is also questionable, yet she has now lost her job without a proper investigation or alternative recourse to disciplinary procedures.

If a person can now effectively lose their livelihood because of off-the-cuff remarks made in a private environment, this sets a dangerous precedent for anyone in employment.

We therefore urge the Prime Minister to demand that the Director General of the BBC either:

* Launches a full and independent inquiry into the circumstances surrounding Mrs Thatcher’s dismissal, and takes appropriate action upon its conclusion

or

* Immediately reinstates Mrs Thatcher to her former post.

Doing so will perhaps restore some faith in the BBC and address the growing climate of fear which is gripping our society regarding what one is, or is not, allowed to say without fear of reprisal.

Okay. Now are we done?

by K Ebert (rejected)

The comment allegedly made by Carol Thatcher was a throw away one made in the Green room and not made on air unlike recent broadcasters that still have their jobs. We are supposed to be living in a `free’ country for goodness sake. The world has gone mad!

Look, we’ve been over this. He can’t do that. He doesn’t run the BBC. He’s the Prime–

by Gareth Cook (rejected)

Due to the apparent hypocrisy and double standards of the BBC in their sacking of Carol Thatcher for a private of the cuff comment on a subject that was held with affection and close to the hearts of very many children when they were growing up, the BBC has sacked Carol Thatcher for saying the word "Golliwog", we the undersigned insist that the government use their influence to right the wrong that has been done to Carol Thatcher!

Okay, no more television.

by Thomas Smith (rejected)

This petition is to ban Nissan Micra Drivers from the public road system between the hours of 06.30 – 23.30 for reasons of safety and well being of other sensible road users who realise what indicators are for and that signs and lines should be obeyed

You know what? I’m going to bed.

Damn, there are a lot of petitions lately. A worrying number of people are already suggesting cases for the Court of Human Opinion. At first I thought the site must have been advertised in some crappy tabloid, but in fact Ian Miller has discovered it.

by DI Wyman
The BBC is planning to remove the Stapline on the PM Blog. Please support all Bloggers and Froggers in the fight to have the starpline saved.

I like it when they combine clichés like this.

by ianmiller of none
We are appalled at the quality of tabloid journalism. We ask that only high quality information appear in newspapers and the style of tabloid reporting should be banned. Whilst we wish to ensure freedom of the press to a certain extent, tabloid is damaging and insulting to people’s intelligence, so simply ensure that press are free to report, but allow a minimum standard of reporting, so you can get around the freedom issue. So we can end the dreadful tabloid journalism by this method, simply allowing only a high quality newsprint, and minimum standard to be able to appear. The scourge of the taboids should be ended somehow, this is a way to do it. quality newsprint only. does the PM care about the quality of publications?

Is this parody? Can you type ’so you can get around the freedom issue’ in all seriousness?

by luigi Rossi
cut v.a.t.charges on all vetinary care for our pets and animals

I’m not subsidising your desire to imprison an animal.

by A Daen
I do not wish to be force fed news. It is mostly not pertinent & irrelevant. Often conjecture, but always REPETITIVE which becomes torturous. Every Radio channel 48 times a day-INSANITY!!(plus the ads too-madness) It is basically a spin platform to facilitate subliminal indoctrination. NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS.

Have you tried turning it off and not on?

by MRS M KUPLER
PLEASE stop a stupid situation !!!! yes it is very stupid indeed I will explain My Mother of 89 years old has been DISCRIMINATED AGINST FOR BEING AKLLERGIC TO CAGED BIRDS , CATS AND PENICILLIN Shae has been along standing member of a day care centre in Clacton on sea Essex, without consultation a maneger brought in some caged birds , we all like birds but no ONE asked the members or staff if they were allergic to birds or to anything else , This has cumulated into my mother becoming ill upon each visit to the centre and finaly she had a severe attack and was taken to hospital , Is it not enough that she is a war heroin and fought for this country she was not called she volenteered, why should birds come before HUMANS , THE BIRDS ARE STILL IN SITUE BUT MY MOTHER HAS BEEN PROHIBITED FROM ACCSESING HER DAY CENTRE BY THE MANEGER AND ADMINISTARTOR AND TRUSTIES , THIS IS DESGUSTING!!!! please do something to protect the rights of the indiviual who is infirm and elderley .please if you agree that HUMANS who are allergic to birds should not be subjected to them without pror notice in a confined space in a building or day care centre ,sigened S Kupler_foust

The spelling and random capitalisation are amazing.

by m s al-memani
increase the number of overnight banking windows from the present 3 at eight hours each to 4 at 6 hrs each and later to 6 at 4 hrs to get out of the credit crunch instead of bailing out the banks. The system can be used to max of 24 windows at 1 hour each.

I’m pretty sure office hours are the root cause of the credit crunch. Anyone who thinks it’s to do with sub-prime mortgages is a fool.

by ianmiller of none
We are offended at the sight of nude women in newspapers and other magazines. We would like to see them ended altogether. why? amongst many reasons, there are no good reasons for it, It degrades, is offensive, is unnecessary, may encourage sex crime, and also give certain girls inferiority complexes and men false expectations. No ifs or buts, our shops will be better without them. What advantage or purpose is there for them to exist that is any good?

They may encourage sex crime. Although, equally, they may not. They may spread norovirus. Who can say? Let’s not worry about facts, let’s just ban shit and hope it creates the illusion of government.

by ianmiller of none
We think there is too much violence on TV. Whilst there may be arguments over the cast iron proof of whether it does or does not impact on every day life, we who sign this believe for certain images in the media STRONGLY influence people’s thoughts. Therefore, we ask that violent images are treated as serious as health information and ask that the small details be worked out, but seek to immediately request a new order of vetting of violent images in the media, and the number and nature of these images are reduced as of now. If there is any doubt, we ask something not to be broadcast. The images we are seeing, whilst not wishing to give specific examples are becoming more shocking each year, as tolerance grows due to exposure familiarity. In sum, we ask there to be an immediate clampdown. We ask this as we strongly believe this strongly encourages crime subconciously, impacts on violence and care about its impact on large and small scale society. Its need has never been greater, so experiment and perhaps for a fixed time reduce it, and see if there is an impact?

Here, Miller summarises the word ’summary’.

by Mark Thomas
The Windsor family has form when it comes to race and the prospect of Prince Philip meeting President Obama and making a ‘gaffe’ would cause enormous national anxiety and anger. An ill advised remark would be a national embarrassment and make us appear to be backward fools on the international stage. Indeed Rednecks from America would parody our royal family as intolerant, racist, inbreeds.

Given that President Obama has a penchant for missile attacks, using pilotless drone planes in Pakistan, we should also be aware of the potential security consequences of Prince Philip angering President Obama.

Presumably a joke?

by Peter Effer
MPs in the House of Commons or Lords in the House of Lords shall if found guilty of a serious Criminal offence shall by the power of the people automatically lose their seat as MP or title ‘Lord’.

It sure is lucky there’s no way this could possibly be abused. I like the use of the phrase ‘by the power of the people’ to:

  1. make it sound democratic
  2. trigger my in-built He-Man impression
by Dave
Last linght I watched Tim Burton’s Batman, and I was impressed with Batman’s can-do attitude and his ability to get the job done when supervillains attack Gotham City. I suggest Gordon should put on a cape and go around calling himself ‘The Caped Crusader’

Yes!

by Tom Easterbrook
homework takes time too much . homwork takes over 88.62%of kids time.techers spend 2 hr marking homwork . therefore i need it to be ban

homwork do need to be ban. No question about that.

Also, nice statistic. I especially like that it’s ‘over’ this spuriously precise number.

Also, read this.

by Peter Gray
it is terrible every night now soaps soaps soaps the elderly are tied to the tv every night can we have one night free every month so we can get people together to enjoy each others company and have fun during the week(weds)

(Weds).

by Pete Smith
Decidability being a desirable characteristic of any system for making decisions, and in the interest of efficiency in legal proceedings, we the undersigned petition our Prime Minister to act for the establishment of a Turing-complete legal system in these islands

There are websites where I expect to use the phrase ‘Turing-complete’ and ones where I don’t. This has always been one of the latter. Oh, well.

by Stuart Nimmo
Sir Fred Goodwin continues to cause serious public distress. We petition that he is stopped from shirking his failures by taking a grotesque pension and that as his considerable greed discredits and undermines both the UK and its government, he lose his knighthood forthwith.

See, if only we had a Turing-complete legal system, we could properly define a Fred Goodwin Halting Problem. Dammit.

by Paulo De Souza
when the world cup is on it should be a public holiday.

I bet this works.

There are still loads, but I haven’t the time to do them all.

Tags:

by John Taylor-Stoakes

Over recent months cedit card companies have vastly increased interest rates on a risk assesment basis. Where this interest rate nears 30% APR the minimum repayment barely covers the monthly interest.

Credit ratings for individuals maybe fair or poor,loans are required at low interest rates if the population has any hope to combat this recession. Loans are not available to clear significant borrowings. Therefore despite large monthly repayments the outstanding debt is not reduced. Therefore no disposable income is created to stimulate the economy.

The bank could directly clear the credit account and close it.Cards destroyed. Credit ratings to be marked to indicate caution on any new card issued until 50%of the loan is cleared. This could work in a similar way to a voluntary arrangement with creditors without the stigma of bankruptcy or risking ones home.

So… taking out a loan in order to pay off a credit card, which is more or less a loan in itself. Seems kind of counter-intuitive to me.

by amit hindocha of nhs

all calls to nhs should not be charged. It should be put into legislation that no phone company can charge a service user or the nhs for calls made to any of its services. this petition is a drive to make the first nhs conasitition statment that says that alll services should be free to nhs patients, this shouldi nclude dental charges and prescitions charges and calls and even free post letters.

Yawn.

by K M Simpson

Most if not all young people and adults with High Functioning Autism / Aspergers and others who fail to meet the criteria of the service agencies find their quality of life is adversly affected by not receiving the specialist support they need. It is very much a post code lottery. The huge bonuses being awarded to Bankers would pay for a large amount of support nationwide for these margialised people.

It still amuses me that people have this idea in their heads that every banker everywhere is responsible for the global economic crisis. That’s like saying, “I got mugged by a Polish fella once, so all Poles are mugging arseholes.”

by S Fowler

We are all familiar with being overtaken by other road users in dangerous or inappropriate places; such manoeuvres are fraught with danger for all road users and pedestrians nearby. Countless accidents are caused each year by vehicles overtaking others and either losing control, crashing head on with other vehicles, or in hitting the car that they are overtaking – if for instance the car ahead was turning right into a side road. This could be reduced by tightening up the law and allowing overtaking on dual carriageways and motorways only – as a right. This would save many lives each year; prevent countless injuries and would also make insurance claims more straightforward – If someone crashes when overtaking moving traffic – they are at fault. Sign up – it makes sense!

The signatures on this one are brilliant.

by Sandra Green

About 34% of the world’s people live in left-traffic countries and 66% in right-traffic countries. About 28% of the world’s total road distance carries traffic on the left, and 72% on the right.

It’s time to join the majority!

Tell you what Sandra, you drive on the right for a week and tell us what it’s like.

by Aoife

this is a petition which is hoping to help end poverty and try to get the world to be an equal and fair place. sign this petition please because every name counts. i have wrote a letter to the PM about this.

by David Pearson

Ban the presentation of Darwinian Evolution as ‘Scientific Truth’, within state owned organisations, i.e. schools, museums etc and allow it only to be presented only as an alternative theory or worldview by materialists who have a pre-bias to a disbelief in a superenatural creator

Because there’s, y’know, tons of evidence in support of a “superenatural” creator, and bugger-all suggesting we evolved from monkeys and stuff. Wait, no, hang on…

by Stuart Halsall

Since decimalisation in 1971 inflation has eaten away at the value of money and made the one penny and two pence virtually valueless. One penny in 1971 was worth about 11 pence in 2005 prices. Producing pennies that have such little value and that pile up in people draws is a huge waste of time and money for the mint to produce.

I’ve never had change like that piling up in my “draws”. I wish I did. Then i could pay my train fare in pennies and piss off the guy at the station.

by Stephen Biggs

For example if you get 8 years you do 8 years not 4 eyars on good behavour BUT you can do 4 years on good behaviour if you join the army on special conditions fight for our country.

Haven’t we already shot this idea down? Twice? It’s getting to the point where I think these petitions need their own category.

by Alan J Smith

How can we improve both ourselves and our country when we get an education from university but end up with a huge debt. Its worse for the mature student who has no hope in getting a job but goes back to university to get a degree therefore making thmselves more employable. Teenagers dont stand a chance in life because all they will have is a degree and a load of debt.

This is a reasonable and achievable idea. Ooh, is someone serving pork? I’ll have a wing, please.

by John Monney

I have discovered that approx 4% of my council tax bill goes towards paying for council employees pension funds.

As a pensioner struggling to live on a state pension, I believe this is totally unnacceptable

Right. Because 4% is a really big number, and as we all know council employees are already dead anyway so they’ll never need to claim their pensions. The URL is hilarious – this is a tax scandal? Really? Really?

by Zenita

Not many people have a large deposit or if any deposit to put towards a house, i think you will have many prople not being able to buy there own home which in this day and age is wrong, eveyone should have the right to have there own home keeping 100% morgages helps so many people get on the property ladder and without them many many poeple will suffer!!

Sigh. That was a nice global economy we had, once…

I’m not sure what Gordon Reid is asking for here. I’m sure I could sit down and read it, but because he’s decided to post the entire ruddy petition in the title and leave the “More details” field empty I’m stuck staring as a wall of text that makes my eyes hurt when I try to read it. More alarmingly, this is becoming a regular trend on the ePetition site, too – right up there with petitioning the Prime Minister to Your Name Here.

by Craig Strachan

In the current financial climate we believe that the banks should be forced to stop charging customers for going overdrawn and missing direct debit payments. The fact that public funds are being used to keep the banks going should allow the government to stop such charges. This will help the thousands of people who are now struggling to make ends meet and stop people from being unfairly punished.

I would say that if you’re committing to payments you can’t actually afford to make then it’s not an unfair punishment. Alright, yes, bank charges in the UK are rather ridiculous, but saying “Hey, y’know, we’re not going to charge you bank fees anymore, because of The Economy” is hardly going to help matters.

by Edward Manning

Who thinks that some fruit such as are too expensive and it should go down?

Why do you think the price of fruit is increasing? Is it because of foreigners? Homosexuals? The global economy collapsing at the end of last year? Terrorists? We may never know.

by Marc Burton

Shrove Tuesday and Guy Fawkes Night are to one and all the highlights of the Gregorian calendar. On no other night do the British public come together in such jovial harmony. Therefore we believe it is only right that these occasions gain the respect they deserve and are each awarded a day of national holiday to mark the passing of two truly British events.

No.

by Alan Reginald Derek Laming Tizzard of National Service Veterans Alliance

Central and Local Government forms associated with Equal Opportunity Monitoring require the applicant to indicate their ethnic origin with numerous choices with the exception of ‘White English’, as the basic form is printed in English and approved by the English Parliament in England will Government ensure that ‘White English’ as a category is included on all future forms in the interest of Equal Opportunity Monitoring?

No.

by Neil Aldus

I would like to ask the prime minister to abolish parking fees on meterd parking places everywhere in the UK. This would encourage people to come back to the city centres and begin shopping again. Parking fees for short trips into town centres only serve to discourage shoppers bothering at all. This would have a greater effect on kickstarting consumer spending than the 2.5% reduction in the VAT rate at a much lower cost. Most shoppers hate paying for parking. Allow everyone a maximum of 2hours with the same fines for exceeding the time limit. This would have the effect of increasing the “turnover” of shoppers and thereby increase consumer spending and perhaps add a little to the “kickstart” that the economy so badly needs. Sometimes it’s the little changes that make the big difference and so often go overlooked.

No.

by James Brewster

Jade Goody’s battle has caused a 20% increase in cancer screening. Clearly the NHS is not getting through to women, so Jade’s Law would require NHS surgeries to telephone all women in their practice to explain the importantance of being screened.

Oh yeah? Well Kylie Minogue’s Breast Cancer diagnosis several years ago prompted an increase in cancer screenings in the UK and in Australia. If anything, Kylie deserves her own law. Also: advertisements on TV, radio, and in magazines would be far more effective than calling everyone. I’ve worked in call centres. No one likes to be bothered, even if it’s something important.

by James Higgs

We the undersigned request the Prime Minister to repeal the Trinitarian Act of 1812. Thank you.

The Trinitarian Act of 1812, for those of you who don’t know, was passed to legalize the practice of Islam in the UK. What James Higgs is effectively asking for, her, is to ban Islamic practice in the UK. James Higgs has basically found a cleverly worded way around the ePetiton site admins’ strict (heh) screening process. He’s also a walrus dick.

by Janice Breeze

Soon a film called Corpus Christi will be shown in America. Christians do not want it shown here as it represents Jesus and his desciples as homosexuals. This is blasphemy. The Bible states clearly that homosexuality is an abomination. Please do not reject this. Muslims have had a play removed from the stage because it upset them. atheists have blasphemy about there not being a God plastered on buses. Remember we are still a “Christitan” country. please listen to its citizens. thank you

Y’see, the beauty of Free Speech is that, in this country, you can show a film about pretty much anything. The downside of Free Speech is that we have to put up with mindless fucktards like Janice Breeze.

by ed daniels

petition to cancel all personal mortgage/secured debt in the U.K. every 50 years Reasons: 1st To remove the fear of homelessness. 2nd Stop asset values falling by forcing a bottom in the market.3rd Bring buyers to the market as owners are free to drop prices. 4th Create a spending boom, no mortgage = more cash to spend. 5th Investors can be reassured by promising an on going cycle of debt cancellation every 50 years and banks would be able to lend on that basis creating a stable market. 6th the current crisis offers an ideal opportunity for the government to show leadership which would help both the people (popular) and the financial markets by offering an opportunity to create a true asset value assessment in which to invest.

Every fifty years? Woohoo! Time to re-mortgage in 2059!

by G Wilson

by creating a box on all election ballot papers allowing a vote for “non of the above” would allow a true voice of the people to be shown. giving all parties the opportunity to re address the parts of their manifesto that the true majority of the country disagree with rather than as is at the moment where the people of the country HAVE to vote for the best of a bad bunch(so not to “WASTE”their vote) or not vote at all. if the majority vote should end up to be “none of the above” there should be an interim period of an equal hung parliament for an agreed period of time to enable all parties to change their policies to reflect the voice of a true majority.

Or, alternatively, you could just not vote. That way you don’t even have to get up or anything.

by Ben W Boagey

Britain’s history and culture is fantastic and unique. Much like the majority of people detest the Euro as a possible currency for Britain, the British pound is a fantastic part of our sovereignty and of our history and culture. We used to have such a fascinating and historic currency that was ditched for a decimal system (which is, in all fairness, much more practical). I suggest that we return Britain to the wonderfully nostalgic and unique system of half-pennies, farthings, sixpence and shillings. It would be more difficult to grasp, but oh so much more fun and interesting. Plus, oh so very cool.

You are an honest-to-goodness moron.

by Rose-Mary Gower

However good a Prime Minister is when they take office, the longer they stay in the post the more likely it is that power goes to their heads!

A fucking terrible idea – on the off-chance someone who’s good at the job comes into power, the most you’ll ever have them is for those two terms. Then some brainless moron will step in instead.

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by Mrs Kendra Pinder

It is continually suggested that it is our education system, the government, and so on that is the cause of the increase in teenage pregnancies and minors taking part in underage sex. Surely the responsibility should be laid on the shoulders of those who legally have parental responsibility for that minor; this would be the parent/s, carer/s, guardian/s who have a legal and moral responsibility to care for a child until they reach the age of adulthood. This petition proposes that the responsibility of these minors who have sexual intercourse, become pregnant or makes another pregnant should fall squarely on the shoulders of those who legally responsible for a minors welfare and upbringing.

We suggest the sentence’s imposed are the same of a parent who neglects to send there child/children to school, or allows and encourages that child to commit anti social behaviour. Shouldn’t we as a society send a very clear message to parents who choose not to take responsibility for their own children’s sexual activities or have a lack of control over these minors be punished for neglecting their duties as a parent?

So you’re saying that if a teenager gives in to those hormones that confuse and muddle the mind during puberty that it’s the parents’ fault? Do you not see what is so horribly, horribly wrong with this idea?

We’ve been a bit quiet the last few days. It’s partially because I’ve been busy plugging the first Jump Leads book, currently available to buy from Amazon worldwide. No idea what Andrew’s up to, though. He’s probably grinding some teeth (not his) into a fine powder and then testing them on… oh, I don’t know, Hobos or something.

Anyway, let’s get on with whatever it is this blog’s supposed to do. Don’t we post funny pictures of cats with captions or something?

by Mike Melvyn-Taylor

Inroduce a five per cent (5%) pay cut on the 500,000 plus members of the Home Civil Service. Thereby setting an example to the rest of the country. This small cut would save the taxpayers a minimum of £500,000,000.00 pounds a year.

I’m not entirely sure why Mike is making this request, but the second signature on this one is fantastic.

by Heather Reed

Instead of all the parties wasting precious time and energy on scoring political points against each other – why not set up a coalition government (or at least all work together) so that all the best expertise can pull together; beat this recession and get the country back on its feet and help the people! Arguing between parties does not solve the problem – whereas all working together just might!

Great idea, but you’re petitioning the wrong country’s government, I think.

Oh look, Dee Murrell is back.

by Dee Murrell

The preventable deaths of Baby P & all like him are a clear indictment of Britain’s failure to protect vulnerable children & too frequent over-lenient sentences for child abuse & related deaths convey that as a nation we tolerate such abuse & murder.

Effective measures need to be adopted to recognise & tackle child abuse at its earliest stages. Lord Laming’s recommendations excluded how Social Workers could better perform their jobs on the front line when visiting children at risk, where improvements & clear nationwide guidelines are urgently needed!

The ongoing abuse of a child culminating in their death is far worse than outright murder. So all child abuse related deaths should carry a discretionary life sentence & all participants are equally responsible regardless of who did the abuse & who allowed the abuse to go on unchallenged.

As a nation we wish to say that we will no longer tolerate these heinous crimes against our youngest & most vulnerable.

*Abuse includes neglect

Thanks for the footnote there, Dee. Really helpful. Also, haven’t you petitioned for this about seventy times already?

by Janet Holbrook

If banks are contractually obliged to pay exorbitant bonuses with money given to them by the taxpayers, then the Government should claim it back through the tax system, because, as everyone knows, bankers do not deserve to receive any money for their greed and incompetence.

Janet Holbrook there, reminding us that all bankers everywhere are evil – always have been and always will be.

by janice susan collins

I feel it is moraly wrong that vat is put onto common pain relief tablets, cold relief medicines, childrens pain relief, ie:Calpol. These medicines are readily available and give great relief to many people with everyday pains such as toothache, migraine, period pain, infants teething pain, keeping temperature down. Often after a visit to the doctor he may subscribe anti biotics but also suggest pain relief medicine that people have to buy. Also, vat is on ordinary everyday toothpaste, keeping clean teeth is important for good health, (can cause more serious problems within the body). Also vat on sanitary towels is not right, these things are not luxury goods but essentials. Transfer the vat to real luxury goods such as alcohol

Am I responsible for this petition? Indeed, when Marco van Beek suggested removing VAT from safety equipment I took it further using his own logic to include hygene products. Now it seems Janice has taken that to heart. Right then, let’s go ahead and try to stretch this out to its logical conclusion.

  • The next item I originally listed was clothing, so let’s remove VAT from clothing bought from stores like Primark, Matalan, et al. – cheap stuff everybody can afford.
  • Next, we should remove VAT from all “budget” food items – Tesco Value, Kwik Save’s “No Frills” line, that sort of thing.
  • Obviously, as I originally suggested, we shouldn’t charge VAT on transport. Public transport such as buses, coaches, trains and domestic flights should go without VAT as well (flights overseas can still be charged for VAT unless you can provide documentation proving that you really, really need to go). VAT should also be stripped out of the sale of any non-luxury vehicle – Ford Fiesta? No VAT. Ford Mustang? VAT up the wazoo.
  • Y’know, let’s take VAT off of hats and sunglasses as well. Because, y’know, sometimes it’s sunny and you need to keep the sun out of your eyes.
  • Morale is important. Everybody needs something to make them smile, especially in these low economic times. History has shown us that entertainment can pull us through the darkest hours, so with that in mind let’s strip VAT off of DVDs, videogames and games consoles, televisions, board games, toys, CDs, online media downloads, hifis and DVD/VCR players, the lot.
  • Exercise equipment should be VAT-free as well, because you’ve got to look after your health.
  • Thinking about those meals I mentioned earlier, most of the cheap meals are microwavable. Microwaves should… actually sod it, all kitchen appliances should be VAT free.
  • Actually sod it, all electrical appliances should be VAT-free.
  • Including computers, because the internet is a great way to look for a job, keep up with the news, and watch entertaining videos of pandas sneezing and stuff.
  • Fuck it, let’s just strip VAT off of everything. Because you never know when you might need it, right?

Aaaaand now the Government is broke. Nicely done, Marco and Janice!

by Mark Fryer

Please encourage the powers that be to provide an Ice Rink for the people of Exeter – our museum is closed and there is not much for us kids to do! from Mark – aged 14

I am shocked, SHOCKED that there is a child in this day and age who is disappointed in the closure of a museum. Also, shouldn’t you be asking your Local Council, Mark?

by PAUL COCKCROFT

CREATE A NEW ENGLISH COIN TO HONOUR ST GEORGE

And another one to honour Doctor Who, who has bravely saved our great nation from Daleks, Cybermen, Yeti, Gelth, the Wire, Autons, and many other beasties.

by Daniel Meakin

It’s a well known phrase among bikers… “Bikers Make Safer Drivers”. We would like to see the DVLA require all learner drivers to first pass the theory and road tests on a motorcycle or moped under 125cc. The theory test could be combined to cover both bike and car licenses, saving time and money, but the learner should be required to pass the bike/moped road test before being allowed in a car.

We believe that this approach would increase the threat and speed awareness of new drivers, and should have a tangible impact on the associated accident and fatality rates. We also think that it might help car drivers more aware of motorcyclists, a more practical solution than running television or radio advertising.

Mr Prime Minister, please do not back away from making the roads safer, even at political cost, it’s not worth people’s lives! This does not have to cost the government much time or money at all, it just needs political will. There will always be detractors, especially those who are scared of motorcycles. Let’s not let fear stand in the way of saving lives!

It’s a well-known phrase among bikers because bikers are bikers. They bike regularly, which is what helps them develop a better sense of road awareness. Requiring someone to learn how to ride a bike, and then force them to ride that bike well on one occasion only, isn’t going to instantly make every new driver in the UK safer by default. That’s just bollocks.

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